Elderly parents on a sofa bed, is it ok?

[Letsgobacktothenineties]

Stressing out a bit as to where to put my parents.
We live abroad and they visit us two-three times per year. They were always in the spare room with a nice, double bed. That’s now going to be our toddler DD’s room. We sold the bed and are currently painting it to get ready.
We only gave her bedroom and ours.
I thought of getting a small sofa bed to put in our bedroom as a sofa and into DD’s room as a sofa bed for them when they come to stay (Dd would sleep with us in our room)
Does this sound ok? They’re late 60’s/early 70’s. Can’t think of any other option.
Have offered them our bedroom before, large room with en-suite and terrace, but mum doesn’t want to because our dog sleeps on our bed 🤷🏻‍♀️She obviously wouldn’t whilst they were here and obviously sheets washed etc
She was disappointed when I said we were selling the large double bed as I have a small child’s single for our Dd and said can she not sleep in the double bed, it was huge and wanted her to have her own bed!
Where would you comfortably put them?

Late 60s/early 70s is elderly lol

I never get commentd that say 'I'm X years old does that mean I'm elderly' like yes, yes it does. That doesn't mean you're fragile and unfit but you do fit into the elderly category once you hit like 65

We bought a comfy sofa bed and my MiL (72) comments on how comfy it is every time she visits. Not in a polite way, just in a surprised “it’s amazing how much nicer sofa beds are now compared to when we had one” sort of way. It’s a full sized double with a proper mattress.

We’ve also got an ikea single with a pull out under bed (? Begins with a S… is white, has a tiny headboard). The “permanent” bed is quite high and the pull out is lower.

Or: can you get the ikea chair beds (they come with different sort of mattresses), one for your room, one for DDs room, to mix and match when they visit?

Anyway, just some ideas. But at 3.5 it is absolutely fine that your DD has her own bedroom. I hope you get it sorted.

I do think, if the issue is the dog, surely the dog will get near all the beds/sofabeds at some point wherever they are, so they might as well have your bed when they come? But more likely they prefer their "own" room, so they may have to choose between your room and whatever is available in your daughters room.

You can't keep a bed for them when you've only 2 bedrooms and have a child who needs a bedroom. I'd offer them a sofa bed in the livingroom (well maybe offer your bed again and you sleep in the livingroom) or suggest air b&b nearby, you can't expect your child to have to give up their room when they stay that's not fair on your child.

I’m late 40s and my back couldn’t handle a sofa bed for a single night.

I’m not crazy enough to expect to find comfort in someone else’s home though. I’m a big fan of hotels.

I'm 74 and slept on a sofa bed 4 nights with memory foam. ( I gave up our bed for company.

NOPE... NOPE And nope. It cost me a fortune in chiropractic bills....
Just sayin.
I kicked them out of my bed and they stayed at a hotel ( 2 days) for the remainder of the trip. and we went to their hotel and swam all day... win win for us.

The IKEA Slakt has an option of a pull out bed underneath, or the Hemnes daybed could work. I've just bought one for our spare room and it's working well as a double. The foam mattresses are fairly thin, but for occasional guests, or just child weight, I think they're fine. I've slept on one on the Slakt and found it very comfy. Two mattresses would be stacked for single bed use in the Hemnes so it should suit your daughter.

I haven't read the entire thread...
Does the dog have to sleep on your bed when your parents visit?

If not...I would just say mom ... I am putting my foot down. You and dad will be sleeping in our room! I will NOT accept no for an answer!

Case Closed!

I think it’s perfectly fine and normal for family members (children or adults) to give up their rooms for guests. Also think it’s fine and normal for parents to stay in the house rather than at a b&b/hotel.

The trundle bed that converts to a double is the best idea imo. Otherwise, you could get a single sofa bed (armchair that converts) and have that in the ‘reading corner’ you mention. When parents are visiting one sleeps in your DD’s single bed, the other on the single sofa bed.

I used to have this set up for family guests for a while when living abroad. The single sofa bed was actually really comfortable. I’m assuming the bed you currently have for your DD is proper single sized, if a bit low? I definitely wouldn’t buy anything smaller than a proper single for a 3.5 year old as it will become impractical quickly.

I'd buy a sofa bed put it in the most convenient room and when they come to stay I'd sleep in it and give up my bed.

[quote Letsgobacktothenineties]@gogohm It just seems so big to have a double for her at this age and takes up a lot of space in her room, where toys and a reading corner, wardrobe etc will be[/quote]
Won't need a 'reading corner' if she has a small double as she'll read on the bed.

The sofa bed with wheels looks fine. I have stayed on these in Airbnbs and they are fairly comfy.
Honestly I just had a similar argument with my Dh about our babies nursery.

We sleep in the loft conversion and the 1st floor "master bedroom" has been claimed by his mother as "her room" she stays 10-15 days a year. We have a baby and I wanted to set up a playroom - we was adamant we keep the nicest biggest room empty 345 days a year because... his mum likes the prestige
No no no.

You pay your mortgage for that space use it how you want and how best works for your family. Make a lovely bedroom for your DD.

My position is mil can sleep in a perfectly good back bedroom double or stay elsewhere but the master bedroom is now our playroom because we pay a huge mortgage so I will use the space in a way to best serve the people who live in our home

I always give elderly visitors my room so they can be comfortable and have a place to escape. Especially with a toddler about.

I'm selfish so I wouldn't give up my bed for two weeks to anyone. Sofa bed is fine, imo.

I agree, The day bed is the way to go. Usually when set up as a single or sofa they are 2ft 6 wide so a small single and they extend to a king size bed so five foot.

I’ve had a couple, DS had one as a child from ikea, great for sleepovers and we have a Laura Ashley day bed now in a spare bedroom which is lovely for reading on with cushions and throws but pulls out for occasional guests. It’s very feminine.

With a mattress topper it isn’t too bad for sleeping in and we’ve used it for months at a time over the years when decorating various bedrooms, I’m sure the rents will be comfortable. .

Something like this? trundle

@Letsgobacktothenineties

Stressing out a bit as to where to put my parents. We live abroad and they visit us two-three times per year. They were always in the spare room with a nice, double bed. That’s now going to be our toddler DD’s room. We sold the bed and are currently painting it to get ready. We only gave her bedroom and ours. I thought of getting a small sofa bed to put in our bedroom as a sofa and into DD’s room as a sofa bed for them when they come to stay (Dd would sleep with us in our room) Does this sound ok? They’re late 60’s/early 70’s. Can’t think of any other option. Have offered them our bedroom before, large room with en-suite and terrace, but mum doesn’t want to because our dog sleeps on our bed 🤷🏻‍♀️She obviously wouldn’t whilst they were here and obviously sheets washed etc She was disappointed when I said we were selling the large double bed as I have a small child’s single for our Dd and said can she not sleep in the double bed, it was huge and wanted her to have her own bed! Where would you comfortably put them?

Why don't you get an a double air mattress bed? There are incredibly good ones in the market these days, even better than sofa beds. You can set up the mattress in your daughter's room and they'll be independent and still very comfortable.

Apologies if this has been suggested before as I haven't read the whole thread.

www.bcf.com.au/p/wanderer-double-high-premium-air-bed-with-pump-queen/521053.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwuMuRBhCJARIsAHXdnqMIc4eqpcqqBVMyWKSG1igL6qDmVEr7YW-ZRiLjmRoE6HwNPIjGXVcaAmkPEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

@KarmaStar

Depends how fit they are doesn't it? If mobile and fit a sofa bed might be ok but if they have health issues then you and your lovely dog will have to have the sofa bed. Perhaps seeing their options they might not for a hotel? Good luck.

That's what I was going to say, depends how fit they are. My mum is 70 and fit as a fiddle, walks dogs in all terrain, does her own garden, probably stronger than me. Very hard to think of her as 'elderly'. But there are also people of 70s who are pretty frail already. Still I think I'd offer her the bed if she's staying at mine - I'd offer most guests the bed except perhaps my best friend because I sleep on her sofa sometimes. It just seems the thing to do, unlss you have a health problem that prevents you sleeping on the sofa bed.

I would have kept the double or bought a standard sized double if that was too big. My DS1 has had a double since he was small. DS2 much prefers his brother’s double to the twin single beds he has in his room. DS1’s double means we have an extra guest room if my PIL and my dad both stay over at the same time, or when we have a family come to visit us. A reading nook may look cute but it may not get used. Both mine prefer the comfort of their beds rather than the dedicated space in their playroom.

I used to live abroad with my family growing up and the grandparents coming to stay for two weeks was always a nightmare for my parents. My parents would end up arguing each time with the stress of hosting them. Two weeks is ages.

No way can you give up your bed for that long.

You certainly can't give them your daughter's room. That's just not fair on a young child. Not now. Not in the future.

And having them on the sofa bed really isn't ideal either. Lack of privacy, comfort etc.

They need to stay in a hotel/Air bnb etc. It's the only way.

You no longer have a spare room. There's your room and DD's room. Time they found a local hotel or holiday rental.

@Letsgobacktothenineties reading all your replies op, I don't understand why you are trying to accommodate your parents so much at the expensive of you and your family. Your parents (mum) sound imposing and high maintenance.

I recently moved our 4 month baby into the spare room and always said to myself I'd move her back in with us when we have visitors (other rooms are other DC's and home office), well I haven't. When the time has come, I don't want to kick her out of what I see now as her room. It's not fair on her, husband or me. The guests have been sleeping downstairs on the sofa bed just fine. It feels great to not feel pressured into giving up the spare room anymore.

Appreciate it's different for you though as your parents are staying for two weeks but still, I would ask them to sleep at a hotel. I certainly wouldn't kick my daughter out of her room for them, and sounds like you're excited about decorating it. Don't change your plans for guests!

We have ikea vimle sofa bed. It’s pretty comfy. But it weighs a ton and we had to put together in the room it’s in. There’s no way it could be lifted out.

I would buy a decent triple height air bed. They are really good now days. When we moved overseas we shipped our furniture 6 weeks early and borrowed one off a friend and slept fine on it every night. They come with air pump and are the height and size of a normal king size bed. Folded after it rolls up into about an average black bin bag size roll.

What about something like this?
www.wallbed.co.uk/product-category/sofa-wallbeds/