Elderly parents on a sofa bed, is it ok?

[Letsgobacktothenineties]

Stressing out a bit as to where to put my parents.
We live abroad and they visit us two-three times per year. They were always in the spare room with a nice, double bed. That’s now going to be our toddler DD’s room. We sold the bed and are currently painting it to get ready.
We only gave her bedroom and ours.
I thought of getting a small sofa bed to put in our bedroom as a sofa and into DD’s room as a sofa bed for them when they come to stay (Dd would sleep with us in our room)
Does this sound ok? They’re late 60’s/early 70’s. Can’t think of any other option.
Have offered them our bedroom before, large room with en-suite and terrace, but mum doesn’t want to because our dog sleeps on our bed 🤷🏻‍♀️She obviously wouldn’t whilst they were here and obviously sheets washed etc
She was disappointed when I said we were selling the large double bed as I have a small child’s single for our Dd and said can she not sleep in the double bed, it was huge and wanted her to have her own bed!
Where would you comfortably put them?

I think a high end sofa bed that’s raised off the floor would be ok, maybe with a memory foam mattress topper!

My in-laws are in their late 70s and sometimes choose our sofa bed over the double guest bed as they prefer the firmness of the sofa bed!

We got a sofa bed for mum in law mid/late 70’s and done up our study especially for her complete with TV. She took one look at it and said it would be too low for her and she wouldn’t manage. Now DD a teenager has the sofa bed when MIL visits and MIL loves DD’s single bed. I try to discourage visits longer than two to three days.

The ideA of moving a sofa on wheels from your room to your daughters is a bad one. It will be an absolute ball ache.
Whatever they sleep on needs to stay on your daughter’s room.

I would go with a trundle bed idea ( a second bed pulls out from underneath) . I had one as a child and it was lovely for sleepovers

I love my parents and my in laws very much but I wouldn't be giving anyone by bed for 2 weeks. It's also perfectly reasonable for your daughter to have a room set up best for her. It's unfortunate but if you have a two bed house the only option is a sofa bed; if they don't like it then they will have to stay in an Airbnb. You simply don't have the room.

Also. We are same situation with overseas and Ds room being the old guest room with nice large bed in. There’s now sofa bed in office.

There’s no way I will kick Ds out of his room now for guests. Otherwise we also have 1-2 weeks of bad sleep and altered routines. And all his stuff is in there so you then need to move 2 weeks worth out. Plus as they grow, it makes sense they have their room to go to to escape grandparents! As you now have two extra adults in living space as well.

@Rainbowshit

I would not put elderly parents on a sofa bed. I'd give them my bed and sleep on the sofa bed myself.

Agree

In a hotel if there not happy

I would suggest that you give them the choice:

1. AirBnB - them paying - send them a list and contact details of local ones.
2. Your bedroom - without the dog.
3. Sofa bed in DD room. I'd get a mattress topper just to make it more comfortable for them/or you if you end up sleeping on it.

Explain that the spare room is now your DD bedroom and so they will have to get used to having her things around and being on a sofa bed. It's their choice - that way its not you making the decision and if they complain you can point out that you gave them a choice.

Another suggestion is looking at the Murphy beds as someone else has suggested. My DM has one in her spare bedroom and it is very comfortable. When no in use it just looks like a slim cupboard.

I think you have to be a bit more assertive with your parents.

The room is DDs room. She is 3.5 and it’s time for her to have her own room.

You cannot be turfing her out when she’s older - it’s her space.

I agree that the options are:

Hotel or Air BnB, may be you could split thr coat
If you’re willing to give up your room for 2 weeks, they sleep in your room
Sofa bed with a mattress topper in the lounge.

It’s not ‘their’ room and they need to stop thinking of it that way. It is your DDs. Things have moved on.

I'm chuckling at the thought of late 60s/early 70s being elderly

Do your DD room exactly how you want it with the bed you’ve already bought. Otherwise you might start to quietly resent your parents for being in and moaning about “their room”.

I’d go for offer of sofa bed in the lounge tbh. As your child grows it gets more difficult to turf them out of their room.

Your parents generation probably always gave up their rooms for older adults and they just expect this as a norm. Maybe they’re confused and don’t understand the problem? I used to always give up my room as a child without question. I think the world has changed as rooms in flats and houses have got smaller in general.

I wouldn't call early 70s elderly these days but 2 weeks on a sofa bed can be too much. They're really only designed for occasional use.

@Letsgobacktothenineties

You need to stop asking your parents. It's your home, a 2 bedroom, you have a DD and at 3.5 years old she needs her own bedroom. There is no liner a spare bedroom.

The fact your Dparents have enjoyed a double bed and spare bedroom available at yours to Stay for this long is a luxury. It's not a "contract" forever more.
60s-70s isn't old either , may parents are 80s.

OP you find the solution you want. Don't ask your parents , tell them what you decided suits you. Be that a sofa bed or a trundle bed (2 in one pull out) , or a blow up double mattress (you can buy £50 luxury high ones) but if you like the little girls ikea bed you bought for your DD stick to it. Don't sell it. That's her bed and bedroom 24/7. Do not build her life and choices around other people who may or may occasionally want to stay at your house s( 1/10th the year) to visit !! It is not their home, it's DDs home, you're, DDs bedroom, her bed, her life. Your parents have their own bed they have chosen at their home, why doesn't your DD get the same?

Your parents have limited choices when they want to come visit. You offer your bedroom (- meh dog or not , it is what is on offer tell mum to stop moaning / being ungrateful) , sofa bed in lounge or blow up bed? They can try either of those. If they don't like it after trying it or don't want to try them, they are free to do what other peoples parents do- which is book an air b&b or a bed &breakfast or cheap hotel for the 2 weeks they want to visit you for. That they pay for. It's not for you to pay for their holiday stays to visit you. If they moan, then tough, that's the available options. You're not a child, you are a parent yourself who has to put DD first

Your DM sounds as if she's become entitled and is treating your DD as an object, without feelings, that can be moved around to suit her as your mother. Not many loving grandma should do that. My mum (grandma) wouldn't dream of this- she'd be the first one saying "let's get you a bed little one (DD) and help decorate your room so you have your own space" . And my parents in their 70s slept on blowup mattress in lounge at same age when we had smaller house (having been offered my bed)

What @Ikeptgoing has said. Your DM, elderly or not, is very entitled.

We used to have a king sized inflatable bed from John Lewis, which was easy to store and inflate, adjusting the firmness, at will.
It would need topping up during a 2 week stay, but it was quite comfy.
So DM can have the inflatable mattress in the lounge, or your bedroom if you wish.
You and DH could possibly fit the inflatable into DC bedroom if your parents choose your room.

@Maray1967

This is your house and your DD needs her own bedroom now. Your parents need to understand that! They either use your bed or have a sofa bed in the lounge. Or stay elsewhere. It would be totally unreasonable of them to expect you to keep your house to suit them!

This!

I’m assuming that your dog wouldn’t be sleeping on the bed with your parents while they were there, your mum just doesn’t like the idea of it?

You’ve (very kindly) offered them your bedroom and your mum has said no. So it’s sofa bed or hotel for them. End of story. I wouldn’t fuss around trying to accommodate her and I wouldn’t spend any more money than you were planning on spending. Your daughter is entitled to have a bedroom in her own home, your parents are not!

Hotel.

They've got three options: a sofa bed, your bedroom or an air BnB. That's perfectly reasonable of you. What they can't have, and what would be unrealistic to expect, is that your DD's room is their room that she's allowed to use when they're not around!

Our daughter has been in her own double bed since 18 months - so I’d have a double! But failing that I’d suggest they stayed in a hotel locally. Sofa beds I don’t think will be sustainable going forward

I would say that as your parents have the offer of your room but declined it, then they will have to take what is on offer. You should not have to arrange your home (I.e. give your daughter less space in her room by having a double bed which she doesn’t need) to suit your parents visits twice a year. You live in the house year round, they are there for 4 weeks so you decorate and furnish as suits you. They can either have a sofa bed or your bedroom.

Oh and I'm only slightly younger than your parents and wouldn't expect to be pandered to.

@Letsgobacktothenineties

Thinking the compromise might have to be something like this? as some of you have said-single for Dd and pull out double when they’re here. Still bigger even as a single, than the bed I got for Dd and as a double pretty low on the ground for my parents 🤔 Possibly the easiest option though space wise etc 🤷🏻‍♀️It means buying two new mattresses, sheets, duvets and pillows 🙈

I think that's ridiculous. You do Dd's room how you want it. They either go in yours, you get the sofabed you planned or they stay somewhere else.

You'll be gutted if you can't give her the room you want and I think your mother is being very unreasonable. You have a child. Thongs change

How often do they come?

The bed is sold (and was the right thing to do imo) so ask your parents which option they would prefer out of the ones you are willing to offer. If they don't want any of the options they could rent near by.

This depends on how good the sofa bed is, in my opinion. We have a good one, with a fully pocket sprung mattress at the height of a proper bed - certainly higher than the double beds upstairs.

My in-laws are fairly infirm, overweight and in their eighties. They happily sleep on the sofabed in the front room, in preference to using the spare bedroom. This is largely because it saves climbing the stairs (they have a stair lift at home now). They say the sofa bed is really comfortable!

Totally depends on the quality of the sofa bed.

We have something like this - most of the time the second bed is tucked away and the room is a playroom but when grandparents come to stay the second bed comes out.
theoakbedstore.co.uk/products/heywood-solid-natural-oak-guest-bed-2ft6-small-single?variant=5005370820&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gclid=Cj0KCQjw29CRBhCUARIsAOboZbJkRQq723cH5DhHJ07klpqk4eBtxl6uTopes9m3hM3zVSZx4uT6EmMaAlTMEALw_wcB

I don't get all this talk about sending them to a hotel. They're family and I would always try to have them stay with me unless I had a poor relationship with them.