Elderly parents on a sofa bed, is it ok?

[Letsgobacktothenineties]

Stressing out a bit as to where to put my parents.
We live abroad and they visit us two-three times per year. They were always in the spare room with a nice, double bed. That’s now going to be our toddler DD’s room. We sold the bed and are currently painting it to get ready.
We only gave her bedroom and ours.
I thought of getting a small sofa bed to put in our bedroom as a sofa and into DD’s room as a sofa bed for them when they come to stay (Dd would sleep with us in our room)
Does this sound ok? They’re late 60’s/early 70’s. Can’t think of any other option.
Have offered them our bedroom before, large room with en-suite and terrace, but mum doesn’t want to because our dog sleeps on our bed 🤷🏻‍♀️She obviously wouldn’t whilst they were here and obviously sheets washed etc
She was disappointed when I said we were selling the large double bed as I have a small child’s single for our Dd and said can she not sleep in the double bed, it was huge and wanted her to have her own bed!
Where would you comfortably put them?

@Letsgobacktothenineties

My thoughts were possibly putting one similar to this in our room as a sofa (I don’t love it to be fair-the wheels) then taking it next door to the other room and using as a bed for them?

No no I just got rid of one like that - the most uncomfortable bed ever! Ok as a sofa, back-breaker as a bed even with an Ikea sultan mattress topper, I slept on it for two nights then put the mattress topper on the floor with two duvets on top and slept on that, was more comfortable. Luckily the visitors only stayed three nights.

Replaced it with a Hemnes day bed, much much better.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/

It's only a big double when you pull it out. It's slats, which slide out sideways, and you also get three drawers for storage. You store both mattresses on the bed when it's a single and put them side by side when it's pulled out.

They either sleep in your bed or they sleep on the sofa bed. They can choose. Or they can stay somewhere else nearby if not happy.

I know they are your parents and they are elderly and all the rest but they simply cannot expect "their room" to remain with "their double bed" in it now that your child is old enough to need her own room. It's just not fair to her.
They visit two to three times a year for a couple of weeks. Your daughter lives there all the time and her needs have to come first.

[quote Letsgobacktothenineties]@gogohm It just seems so big to have a double for her at this age and takes up a lot of space in her room, where toys and a reading corner, wardrobe etc will be[/quote]
OMG don't go down that route. Changing single bedding is quick and easy, changing double duvets is a nightmare. Never understood friends who did this with their kids....

Single bed with a pullout underneath is a much better idea!

I would hate to sleep on a sofa bed for even one night. I don’t mean to sound difficult but I have yet to find one that’s comfortable to me. So whether I was the householder or the grandparent, I would try to avoid this option. The single with another single to pull out alongside it sounds like the best option to me.

Get a really good sofa bed. That’s what I did. I’ve got a really nice picket spring one, which is intended for (perhaps depressingly) people who need to sleep on it every night.

This is as comfortable as a normal bed and so good for people of all ages.

What I really wouldn’t do is have your dd’s room not fully hers. So no double bed in their for when guests come, taking up space that could be used for playing.

I feel quite strongly that if anyone gives up their room for adult guests it should be the adult(s) of the family and not the children. Children need to maintain their “retreat” of a bedroom in the same ways as dogs need a retreat imo. They certainly shouldn’t feel that their bedroom is as much a guest room as their bedroom.

Excuse typos - I can see already I’ve said their when I mean there

Your parents don't sound like guests, they sound like unreasonable entitled squatters with serious boundary issues. It's not "their" room.

We have the older version of this sofa bed and both sets of parents have used it and say it’s comfortable for them.

www.ikea.com/ca/en/p/nyhamn-sofabed-with-pocket-spring-mattress-knisa-gray-beige-s49306363/

We’ve actually slept on one at my parents as they have the same in their spare bedroom.

@StrawberrySquash

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/

It's only a big double when you pull it out. It's slats, which slide out sideways, and you also get three drawers for storage. You store both mattresses on the bed when it's a single and put them side by side when it's pulled out.

I second this, I love mine, it looks smart, is comfy as both a sofa and a bed, and is a single every day and then pulls out to a double. Get one for DD's room, and put a small comfy sofa - not sofabed - in your room which DD can sleep on when your DP visit. Just for a few years until you've got the funds to convert one of your bathrooms to a small spare room / office as you mentioned before.

depends on the quality of the sofa bed - I have one in my main room; if I have guests I give them my bedroom and use the sofa bed, (logistics of my cat not liking being shut in the bedroom, and me not trusting her to pounce on guests)
Sofabed is fine, as comfortable as my own bed - but it was an expensive one, from memory about £1200 ten years ago. I've slept (or tried to) on cheap sofa beds, and frankly often better to put the cushions on the floor.
One of those single truckle beds sounds the best solution - will be ideal for sleep overs when your daughter is older, and takes up no more room than a regular bed.

A sofa bed isn't comfortable and isn't an option. It's a bit odd you got rid of the double bed when you know your mum won't sleep in your room and you've not considered any other viable options. It seems like you don't want them to stay.

www.made.com/fletcher-3-seater-sofabed-with-pocket-sprung-mattress-marl-grey

This is the one I have if it helps!

Thinking the compromise might have to be something like this? as some of you have said-single for Dd and pull out double when they’re here. Still bigger even as a single, than the bed I got for Dd and as a double pretty low on the ground for my parents 🤔
Possibly the easiest option though space wise etc 🤷🏻‍♀️It means buying two new mattresses, sheets, duvets and pillows 🙈

Make sure you test out the sofa bed for yourself before offering it.

My mother had been cheerfully hosting guests on her sofabed for years, until I had cause to sleep on it myself. I had to break it to her gently that it was the most horrifically uncomfortable thing I had ever had the misfortune to sleep on.... everyone else had been too polite to tell her!

I’m in the US so I’m not sure if this is sold where you are. But we have this in a kids room, it’s lightweight and easy to make into a single or double.
www.ikea.com/us/en/p/utaker-stackable-bed-with-2-mattresses-pine-meistervik-s69227807/

PS I do find airbeds very comfortable by comparison - perhaps a double one of those, so long as there's no mobility issues getting off the floor?

Oh photo

@DoYouSeaWhatISea That’s the one I’ve just found too 😅As a single is it fairly small for a child’s room?

I think you might be getting a bit tunnel visioned on the style of bed here OP. If you do have your parents stay in DD's room, does that mean it's off limits during the day with all her stuff? What about as she gets older and you can't move her into sharing your room?

I think you need to think about what the longer term plan looks like and make your decisions around that. Which would seem to be a sofa bed in the lounge or a hotel, as it won't be practical or fair to keep moving your DD out of her own space with her own things. What worked for you before DD doesn't work now and your parents will need to appreciate that.

Little girl wants space to play why on earth would op want to keep a double bed just for her parents who come every now and then. I think your parents need to remember it's your daughter's room now not their guest room, so you giving up your room and not maybe allowing the dog in the room would be more than good enough. I have the IKEA sofa bed you put in the second picture (not the one on wheels) I've used it in the past when I first moved in my house and we where getting our bedroom extended, one reason so I could put in a bigger bed...well it took ages because of lockdown and I ended up on that sofa bed for near enough two years never mind two weeks! It's an every night sofa bed so designed for long term use and you can get different types of mattress to go on them that go up in expense (cheapest being about £70) Mine was fine and felt like a proper bed, I slept on it for two years with no problems I got the middle expense mattress to go on it (it had a memory foam top on it.) My grandmother has slept on it for around 4 nights no problem to and my parents as it's a guest bed/sofa now.

Your parents are going to have to get over the idea aren't they. It is no longer your parents room if it ever was. It's your daughters. She deserves her own space. How is she going to feel if she gets this nice new space and then gets turfed out by someone who wants to leave clothes in her wardrobe and moan about her bed.

You are going to have to find an alternative solution for your parents. A sofa bed in the living room perhaps or a b&b. We are not talking a night or two here - two weeks is a long time!

[quote Letsgobacktothenineties]@Luredbyapomegranate I can’t really just move them 😬they’ve always stayed with us and never mentioned hotels or b & b’s[/quote]
Then they can accept what you offer

I think I’d insist they have your room and get a double height air bed for you for their visits to put in your daughter’s room so you don’t have unwanted furniture for the whole year.

@RobotValkyrie

Your parents don't sound like guests, they sound like unreasonable entitled squatters with serious boundary issues. It's not "their" room.

^^^This with bells on! How self-centered, especially of your father to expect to keep his stuff their when your child deserves a proper child-friendly room with enough space for her toys and clothes etc.