Elderly parents on a sofa bed, is it ok?

[Letsgobacktothenineties]

Stressing out a bit as to where to put my parents.
We live abroad and they visit us two-three times per year. They were always in the spare room with a nice, double bed. That’s now going to be our toddler DD’s room. We sold the bed and are currently painting it to get ready.
We only gave her bedroom and ours.
I thought of getting a small sofa bed to put in our bedroom as a sofa and into DD’s room as a sofa bed for them when they come to stay (Dd would sleep with us in our room)
Does this sound ok? They’re late 60’s/early 70’s. Can’t think of any other option.
Have offered them our bedroom before, large room with en-suite and terrace, but mum doesn’t want to because our dog sleeps on our bed 🤷🏻‍♀️She obviously wouldn’t whilst they were here and obviously sheets washed etc
She was disappointed when I said we were selling the large double bed as I have a small child’s single for our Dd and said can she not sleep in the double bed, it was huge and wanted her to have her own bed!
Where would you comfortably put them?

The IKEA sofa bed you posted is very comfortable. You could have a single one in your room for DD.

The IKEA hemnes bed is brilliant. Our DC has been in it since 3yrs old (13 now). Bed guard worked perfectly with it. I've slept in it on occasion, found it really comfortable.

There will be a choice of mattresses at IKEA for it too.

The big benefit of it is that it doesn't mean you lose space under the bed, the drawers are really big, great for toy storage, then bedding/towels.

[quote Letsgobacktothenineties]@user3837313202 The one I’ve just looked at says it comes with build in charger/pump that takes 3 minutes to blow up, is this one ok?[/quote]
Depends on if it needs to be charged for hours before it can be used, or if it can be plugged directly into the mains

As an older person myself there is no way I could sleep on a sofa bed without another mattress on top (although that could be an option?) However, are you suggesting that they should sleep in there with your daughter? I wouldn't like that. And I couldn't afford to stay in a hotel for two weeks

Soooooo.

What would you suggest they do? They can't just magic up a perfect solution. You can choose to visit less often i guess. that seems the option left on the table.

@Letsgobacktothenineties

Our Dd will come in with us in our bed for now, but as she gets older, it will pose more of a problem…blow up single for Dh or I in our room and her and one of us in our double bed? I’m not sure about going in her room…that’s a hard one, will it be classed as their room whilst they stay as all their things will be there or can she go and play as usual 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you anticipating hosting your parents in your DD’s room for years to come? I think this is pretty unfair on your DD and runs the risk of marring her relationship with her GP. It’s fine now, but as she gets older their visits will become associated with loss of freedom and privacy. In 5 or 6 years time (maybe even as soon as 3) she will resent being made to give up her room.

If you aren’t likely to have a spare room again soon, I really think you need to start resetting your parents’ expectations, which seem to be a little bit entitled at the moment.

@Letsgobacktothenineties

Just to clarify about the dog, she wouldn’t be upstairs on our bed if they stayed, she’s not allowed upstairs at night when they come. My mum hates the thought of her having been there and shedding hair 🤷🏻‍♀️She’s not even a hairy dog and obviously sheets etc washed. The IKEA Hemnes bed is lovely but too big and bulky for the room, I’ve seen friends ones and it’s too big. The options look like the IKEA trundle one with a bed underneath (although very low 😬) or a large blow up, are these comfortable enough? Haven’t seen them where we are, maybe on Amazon? Never thought of a blow up bed as thought they’d be crappy, but if comfy, it would be the ideal solution as we could store it away in the cupboard after use.

A good quality air bed is really comfortable. I bought one last year when my oldest son stayed with us for a month and he loved it. You can make it firmer or softer depending your parents preferences and dress it with sheets, dooner and pillows like a normal bed. It looks and feels exactly the same except when you parents are gone you can fold and store it and go back to your usual daughther's bedroom.

The point of the airbed is the DDs room is left alone. OP with some furniture shuffling could the airbed fit downstairs so your poor DD can be allowed to sleep in her own room?

@Letsgobacktothenineties are your parents actually being difficult about this yet? Or are you anticipating them moaning about it?

Can you ask them what solution they envisage - it has to be one that doesn’t involve the now sold double bed?

@Ragwort

Personally I wouldn't expect my adult DC to host me, for everyone's convenience I would stay in a local hotel or AirBnB (at my own expense).

But if your DPs are unwilling to pay for their own accommodation then they just have to accept whatever sleeping arrangements you offer them.

How odd. I mean each to their own but i find that pretty bizarre

@DilemmaDelilah

As *@demotedreally* suggested I would get a bed with a trundle to put in your daughter's room. As an older person myself there is no way I could sleep on a sofa bed without another mattress on top (although that could be an option?) However, are you suggesting that they should sleep in there with your daughter? I wouldn't like that. And I couldn't afford to stay in a hotel for two weeks.

But then presumably you would either sleep in your daughter’s (proper) bed when it was kindly offered, or stay for less than 2 weeks?

They have been offered a bed in a bedroom, the OP’s mum is just refusing to sleep in it.

Two weeks is a very long time for a house guest!

Sometimes you just can't win I think with these sorts of things. We have are fortunate to have 3 rooms (and 2 children) and have kept a double bed squished into the small room against the wall so we still have a spare room and my dad (66) actually prefers to sleep on the sofa bed downstairs as he finds it too claustrophobic in the small room! Our 2 DC share a room so we could allow for this! They like it though so it's not a problem atm but at some point they will probably need own rooms.

Our sofa bed is from John Lewis and is really heavy, there would be no moving it about room to room, but it is genuinely comfy and everyone comments on how good it is.

I def think if they are refusing all options if you offering your bed then they are being unreasonable and need to accept that times have changed and your DD needs the room more than they do seeing as she actually lives there! You have made reasonable offers. It's either your bed, the sofa bed or stay elsewhere I think. Maybe the hemnes is a good option too (I was thinking of getting one too) but if you've already got another bed then that's a bit of hassle!

Sofa beds can really vary for comfort so see if you can actually have a look and feel before you get one I reckon

OP just send them the photos of what you can offer them.

See what they say and if they are happy.

They are not "old" but I know plenty of (typically) men of that age and younger who are not happy being far from a loo as prostate enlargement strikes.

What about this one? www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/flekke-day-bed-w-2-drawers-2-mattresses-white-vannareid-firm-s19390928/

We have it. It opens out to become a double. When not needed it is DC’s bed as a single. It can be slept on every night rather than just being for occasional use.

Would the blow up bed fit in the living room?
Personally I would tell your parents that due to DD now having her own room the only practical solution is for them to use your room. I wouldn't give them an option. It's not right to give DD her room then turf her out because of grandparents visit .

I remember when I was young, sharing with my sister when my nana came to stay and had my bed/room, it was only for a night or two though so wasn’t too bad.

We have two bathrooms upstairs and one toilet downstairs, so in terms of being near a loo, they’re set, so silly to have that but only two bedrooms 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈
A year or two ago when I started mentioning about her having a room, my mum actually said, can you not just build another room…just for that specific purpose….yes mum I’ll just whip 15 k out to build you a room to solve the situation 🤣
Hopefully in the future though.

With sleeping downstairs I don’t think they’d be keen and I’m not sure where they’d put all their stuff etc?
They’re v early risers too so it would be better for them to be downstairs (dad tends to be noisy in the upstairs bathroom at 6-6.30 am

With sleeping downstairs I don’t think they’d be keen and I’m not sure where they’d put all their stuff etc

Um, they're guests. you accommodate them as you can, if you can't, they need to stay in a hotel etc.

but i'm not sure if these (frankly, ridiculous) expectations are something they've voiced or you're predicting? just throwing 15k at building another room is a bizarre suggestion for most people's living situations/finances. are they millionaires?!

the level of comfort expected, impact on household members to be turfed out of their room for 2 weeks, and inflexibility might be something you're projecting. or real.

which is it?

@Characterisartion Eh?

It’s real.

@Letsgobacktothenineties

With sleeping downstairs I don’t think they’d be keen and I’m not sure where they’d put all their stuff etc? They’re v early risers too so it would be better for them to be downstairs (dad tends to be noisy in the upstairs bathroom at 6-6.30 am

So entitled and selfish to boot. Nice combination. Sod an airbed downstairs, do you have a shed or room to pitch a tent?

Work out whatever is best for you to have OCCASIONAL guests and offer them that. If they don't like it, they can go to a hotel or holiday apartment. It is not their room, it's your daughter's room. They sound pretty entitled.

I don't really get all the indignation - OP lives abroad and it's her mum and dad, who live in another country and who she doesn't see very often, not some random she used to work. As I said, we also live abroad, and my parents do too (ie they're also not in the UK); whenever we stay with them, they offer us the best rooms, sometimes we've been in their bedroom, sometimes not, depending on the constellation of people staying, siblings, children etc.

oops - posted too soon.

Is it too much that they have somewhere comfortable to stay? I wouldn't dream of putting my parents on a blow-up bed in the sitting room, or anywhere else. As long as your little girl is a toddler, she'll be perfectly fine in with you.

That Ikea daybed is a single and opens out to a double, btw.

The main issue is their stays are too long. I would not be chucking DD out of her bed 2 weeks at a time 3 times a year.

With sleeping downstairs I don’t think they’d be keen and I’m not sure where they’d put all their stuff etc?
They don't seem to be keen on anything do they? They want your daughter's room to stay the same as it was because it's "their room". Well it isn't, and there are several options which you can offer them and they can choose from one of those. Unfortunately one option is not leaving the double bed (which you've sold anyway) in DD's room all year round when it will be in the way taking up space.

Is it too much that they have somewhere comfortable to stay?
They have been offered the master bedroom with ensuite and terrace which sounds lovely but they don't want that because Mum doesn't like the fact the dog sleeps in there sometimes during the rest of the year - ie. not when Mum and Dad are visiting.

As I said, we also live abroad, and my parents do too (ie they're also not in the UK); whenever we stay with them, they offer us the best rooms, sometimes we've been in their bedroom, sometimes not, depending on the constellation of people staying, siblings, children etc

As above, they have been offered the "best room", the master bedroom, but don't want to stay in it.

They just want to stay in the daughter's room their room in the their double bed even though the fucking double bed is an inconvenience for the family for the remaining 46-47 weeks of the year.

Yeah, then follow the advice on here, op, tell your parents they’re a fucking inconvenience, and put them on a blow-up mattress or tell them to go to a hotel.