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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you would send your 8 year old on a residential if they didn’t want to go?

120 replies

Annoyedandirritated · 17/03/2022 17:06

8 yo son never slept anywhere before, never had sleepovers with grandparents etc. He’s a pretty anxious child

School have a 2 day residential holiday and he’s the only one in the class not going.

Husband wants to force him to go, I say no wait till he’s older.

OP posts:
youngestisapsycho · 17/03/2022 17:09

No I wouldn't force it... 8 is still quite young for school overnight trips

Confusedteacher · 17/03/2022 17:10

I would do my best to encourage him- talk to him about his anxieties, find out if there is an underlying reason (bullying? is he scared of the activities?), ask the school if he can share a room with a good friend etc. But if he really didn’t want to I wouldn’t force him. Plenty more opportunities for residential trips in the future.

Is it close by, could he possibly just go for the day?

Paddingtonthebear · 17/03/2022 17:11

No I wouldn’t. But you need to check if school have any provision for one child not attending.

LadyMacduff · 17/03/2022 17:12

I think i would strongly encourage, but not force at 8.

Turningpurple · 17/03/2022 17:12

I didn't send ds to his year 5 one. He hates sleeping away, so we let him stay here.

By the time it came, there was another 3 that didn't go. They had a great time in school doing fun activities instead.

onepieceoflollipop · 17/03/2022 17:12

I wouldn’t force it no.
But I would start working towards it for example afternoon at grandparents on his own to start.

He is potentially going to miss out socially in the future if he doesn’t feel able to sleep away from mummy and daddy plus what would happen in an emergency if one of you was very ill for example.

Maybe think about if he needs any help with the anxiety?

IncompleteSenten · 17/03/2022 17:12

No I would not.

Sleepingonmyfeet · 17/03/2022 17:13

@LadyMacduff

I think i would strongly encourage, but not force at 8.
Same.
MadameDragon · 17/03/2022 17:13

No, but I would try and enable him to go if he’s at all open to it. Could he have a family sleepover in preparation? All the class chat will be about the trip for a long time after.

Iggly · 17/03/2022 17:14

I would encourage it, especially if he’s the only one not going. He’ll miss out when all of his peers are talking about it on his return.
Beavers and cubs have sleepovers so 8 doesn’t seem young to me.

waterrat · 17/03/2022 17:14

I have a child like this (and another child who is not like this so I know irs not parenting!)

I would also strongly encourage they get a lot out of it and he will.be exhausted and fall asleep more easily I think. The school will have seen it before. I would not force the child though

I think this age group have probably lost out on some sleep over opportunities because of lockdown. My 8 year old and her friends seem more anxious than my older child's group.

HoldingTheDoor · 17/03/2022 17:14

No. Absolutely not. It'd be cruel to force him and there'll be little benefit if he's miserable.

MarinoRoyale · 17/03/2022 17:14

No I wouldn’t but I’d work on his anxiety and spending time with other people.

TempName01 · 17/03/2022 17:15

I would do what I could to prepare him, trial sleepovers etc. it would be a shame to miss out.

throughtheair · 17/03/2022 17:15

I would try my best to encourage, but not force, at any age let alone 8. What are his specific anxieties over the trip?

EmeraldShamrock1 · 17/03/2022 17:16

It depends on the DC.
If he was type of DC who'd settle once there I'd encourage them to go, if I thought they'd be miserable I'd respect their decision.
You know your DC best.

Forestdweller11 · 17/03/2022 17:16

Encourage yes. Could you persuade him to go but say you'd pick him up if he hates it? Or can he just go for the day?

watcherintherye · 17/03/2022 17:17

I wouldn’t force him. Confidence comes from a sense of security, not from being chucked in the deep end. You could ask what worries him, and reassure and encourage, but he’ll join in with things like this in his own good time, I’m sure.

parietal · 17/03/2022 17:17

I'd tell the child he is going and jolly him along and not allow fuss. if he is nervous enough to be refusing school, then I'd let him off. but otherwise I'd just say he is going.

speakout · 17/03/2022 17:18

No

Ozanj · 17/03/2022 17:18

I would encourage it. Far better to have their first residential over and done with at this age than in secondary when any upset might result in big time bullying / teasing.

watcherintherye · 17/03/2022 17:19

All the class chat will be about the trip for a long time after.

Well, maybe a couple of days! Grin

GoldFigure · 17/03/2022 17:21

No. Chances are he will be fine to go by age 15, and whether he starts at 8, 10, 12 or later makes no odds really. He'll derive security from being listened to.

feellikeanalien · 17/03/2022 17:21

As another pp said is there any chance of him going for the day only. DD has SN and with both the Y4 and Y5 residentials I picked her up at night and took her back the next day. I wasn't the only one.

Moonface123 · 17/03/2022 17:21

No, l was an out doors child but l hated staying away anywhere overnight, l reluctantly went on a brownie/ girl guide weekend trip when younger and absolutely hated every minute, l felt so homesick. I remember watching the cars go past at the end of the field and praying l recognised one so l could go home. I cried with relief when l got back home, l only went to keep my Mum happy.
I would never put my son through this if he didn't want to go.