To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

[annoyedfr]

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

I have had both and YANBU. Dogs grow up too, and they do it much faster than humans. A puppy pees on the floor, chews shoes, can’t be left etc, but an adult dog has learned not to do those things and can be left for a few hours. By the time a dog is 18 months they’re probably pretty well behaved. By the time a baby is 18 months there’s still 3 more years of them being a toddler/little kid before they even start school, and you can’t leave them in the house while you pop to Tesco until they’re at least 11. Dogs fit around your life, babies ARE your life. Never mind the physical side of pregnancy/breastfeeding etc on top of all that! A 1 year old dog still keeping the owners up all night has unusual issues - that’s not normal. A child is going to live with you until the age of 18 at least - a dog will be lucky to live past 14.

I’ve had both. Puppies are much harder than babies. It’s more similar to adopting a French speaking toddler.

You’ve had a traumatic time yes, but that doesn’t diminish how hard having a puppy is for your friend. There’s no support or time off when you get a puppy, you’re up all night and there’s wee everywhere. Give her a break xx

I would just laugh it off and be thankful my friend hasn't had to go through what you have 💐 Xx

@Kanfuzed123 Offensive Olympics

I think if you want to take this competition seriously you need to get a dog. Or a horse if you really want to get ahead.

You don't need to take her comments to heart. You don't need to be right. Just let it roll over you. You'll hear far worse over the course of parenthood.

No, you can buy a new dog a lot easier than a new baby, they are by no means the same.

Unfortunately. That’s because humans exploit animals. For someone to just be able to ‘buy a dog’, there’s a dog that has likely been deliberately bred and will have to go through pregnancy and give birth to multiple pups. And then probably do the same a few months later. And repeat. Just because the human isn’t going through it, the poor dogs are. We should value animals more, people are selfish.

It sounds to me like you have some unresolved trauma from having a baby, which is unsurprising as it seems you’ve had a really tough time. How about concentrating on that rather than getting upset with your friend?

I say this as someone who has a dog but no kids. My dog is the absolute love of my life and sometimes I do make comparisons in conversations with friends, because it’s the nearest thing I have to their experience and I am trying to find common ground.

Also, as much as you think your friend is not recognising the full extent of your experience, you are also undermining hers with phrases like ‘buying a puppy’. Surely you know that bringing a dog into your family and your life is really much more than just handing over some cash.

Haven’t read all the posts. Have had two babies, and a foster child. In terms of stress levels- my Labrador puppy- now 9 months, wins 🙈

But it is like having a baby. Just because it isn't EXACTLY the same, doesnt mean there aren't similarities, and that's exactly what she's said.. the experiences are "like" each other. She hasn't said having a puppy is exactly the same as having a baby.
In my experience a puppy has been harder in a lot of respects. Yes they aren't a lifelong commitment but as your kids get older they need you and rely on you less, the dog still needs you for food, comfort, exercise etc throughout its life.

In so much as having a living being completely dependent on you for all its needs ? Babies/ Puppies/ horses/ insert relevant pet are all the same in dependence level, and that in itself is scary.. I don’t think anything can prepare you for the complete sudden change in your lifestyle for a puppy or baby.

However, really, your own child is not the same as an animal. I’ve had 5 puppies, one dog had a litter of ten, horse(s) and 2 children. The one that prepared me most for kids was the puppies. But the latest puppy is way worse (think toddler on steroids) than the kids!

I reckon your friend was trying to compare in some way to try to understand, but clearly not come across well. I hope your situation improves.

@catscatscatseverywhere

YANBU, but I wouldn't say anything to your friend.

This! It's one of those things, be kind and don't judge. She doesn't know better if she hasn't got kids and if she can't have kids having a puppy can really help. I have known many childless or child free women who have dogs and the dogs are their children.

I have both also. I love my pup but so glad I don't have to nag for homework or worry about her mean puppy friends

I think there are a lot of similarities between puppies and babies (housetraining, separation anxiety, sleep patterns, teaching everything from scratch). I don't have children but see a lot of parallels with my friends that do. However, my puppy was trained and in a rhythm pretty quickly and I never had any sleepless nights/ sleep deprivation or felt overwhelmed. So it's not "the same" but there are similarities once the baby/puppy is home although i really didn't find the puppy stage that bad. Obviously getting the puppy/ pregnancy and labour is in no way the same. I do think people who have children feel more love for their child than their dog and therefore assume people who don't have children would also love their dog "less". I would throw myself in front of a bus for my dog and I don't want a child so for me this is the most love I will ever feel for anything. Perhaps that is difficult for people with children to understand?

@DarlingDarwin

I’ve had both. Puppies are much harder than babies. It’s more similar to adopting a French speaking toddler.

You’ve had a traumatic time yes, but that doesn’t diminish how hard having a puppy is for your friend. There’s no support or time off when you get a puppy, you’re up all night and there’s wee everywhere. Give her a break xx

It’s more similar to adopting a French speaking toddler.

Haha! Couldn't put it better myself. My human baby was easy compared to our pup (a hectic gun dog) even now, the dog is more demanding than our DD who is very laid back girl.

It depends on the breed, we were stupid in getting a full on breed that wants constant attention and exercise. But we do see her as a fur baby, we'd be devastated if anything happened to her, I can really see how people can use dogs as substitute kids.

People say things that are unintentionally hurtful. Most of the time, I'd rather let it go (after grumbling or crying about it privately) than confront them, because it's not worth making them feel bad, too. (And it can be embarrassing and even more painful to discuss at length.)

If they're saying it all the time, it might be worth offering an alternative perspective, in a nonconfrontational way.

I'd assume they know, deep down, that having a puppy isn't the same experience as giving birth and raising a child. I'd politely change the subject, every time. If they're obsessed with this topic and refuse to let it go, there's something strange going on, and I'd stop seeing them so often.

My puppy is definitely a substitute baby- and has removed all broodiness for a third child.

As the old saying goes, you can't argue with stupid.

I had a puppy, 2 actually and a kitten, years before I had a child. I am guilty of annoying people by saying it's like having children. Dogs have since passed away, still have the cat.
I understand both points of view. There are elements similar to have a child but nothing in comparison to what you have been through.
I would say this to your friend, gently, I imagine her saying this all the time appears to belittle the experience you went through but I'm sure she didn't intend this.

It may be A BIT similar, but no way having a dog is like having a child. I'm actually surprised that some people said that it's easier having a child, because they eventually grow up and don't need you anymore, while the dog needs you for their whole life. Dog is an animal. Child is a human being. The level of responsibility is so different.

All these people upthread are considerably kinder than me. I totally get where you are coming from, I have lots of (child-free) friends so I’m constantly surrounded by the whole “people with human or fur babies” thing. They are not the same!! A dog, no matter how demanding it might be to care for, is not a human and buying a dog is in no way at all a comparable experience to TTC and giving birth! There, I said it

It's something I will never understand... a pet is nothing like having a child.

You can rehome a pet, they only live a short time, you can lock them in a room with food, water, and the radio on and go out for hours with your friends, etc... it's in NO WAY comparable to the hard work and sacrifice of children.

On the flip side, dogs for instance live in a perpetual state of having a 3-year-old mentality, so it is half like having a toddler.

While they aren't as hard to care for because how you care for them far more lapsed (SS aren't going to take your dog if you go to work and leave it home alone) they do forever act like toddlers when they destroy things, don't talk, run around like nutters, need their shit cleaning and never gain self-sufficiency.

That's why I'm always baffled by my 'childfree by choice' friends all having 'fur babies'.

They claim they don't have kids because they are 'too selfish' but you just give yourself a pre-schooler to look after for 12-16 bloody years the only plus is you can put it in a crate or if you really must drop it at the shelter (and that's the crux of it really, it's not being too selfish it's a lack of true commitment to see it through and knowing you have the option to bail).

I'd much rather go through a hard time of having a baby and watch it blossom into a great self-sufficient person who I cant chat to and watch their long life journey until my death (which is how most child-rearing goes).

Rather that than pick up the shit from a drooling slowly deteriorating furball that limits my ability to have a free and spontaneous life for a decade and a half then being sad when I inevitably have to make the choice to kill it because it has no quality of life left.

@mam0918

It's something I will never understand... a pet is nothing like having a child.

You can rehome a pet, they only live a short time, you can lock them in a room with food, water, and the radio on and go out for hours with your friends, etc... it's in NO WAY comparable to the hard work and sacrifice of children.

On the flip side, dogs for instance live in a perpetual state of having a 3-year-old mentality, so it is half like having a toddler.

While they aren't as hard to care for because how you care for them far more lapsed (SS aren't going to take your dog if you go to work and leave it home alone) they do forever act like toddlers when they destroy things, don't talk, run around like nutters, need their shit cleaning and never gain self-sufficiency.

That's why I'm always baffled by my 'childfree by choice' friends all having 'fur babies'.

They claim they don't have kids because they are 'too selfish' but you just give yourself a pre-schooler to look after for 12-16 bloody years the only plus is you can put it in a crate or if you really must drop it at the shelter (and that's the crux of it really, it's not being too selfish it's a lack of true commitment to see it through and knowing you have the option to bail).

I'd much rather go through a hard time of having a baby and watch it blossom into a great self-sufficient person who I cant chat to and watch their long life journey until my death (which is how most child-rearing goes).

Rather that than pick up the shit from a drooling slowly deteriorating furball that limits my ability to have a free and spontaneous life for a decade and a half then being sad when I inevitably have to make the choice to kill it because it has no quality of life left.

• can chat

OP I wonder why you have put “buying a puppy” in your title instead of say “getting” a puppy. It just seems a bit loaded.

@AryaStarkWolf please don’t @ me, i have 0 desire to carry on a pointless conversation with someone who thinks a pet dying is akin to losing a child.

You can rehome a pet, they only live a short time, you can lock them in a room with food, water, and the radio on and go out for hours with your friends, etc... it's in NO WAY comparable to the hard work and sacrifice of children.

You can do those things, but I wouldn’t. My dogs are a priority, just like my children. I view my responsibility to my dogs as high as I view my responsibility to my children. It depends what sort of person you are I suppose.

@StolenYourStollen

It may be A BIT similar, but no way having a dog is like having a child. I'm actually surprised that some people said that it's easier having a child, because they eventually grow up and don't need you anymore, while the dog needs you for their whole life. Dog is an animal. Child is a human being. The level of responsibility is so different.

Agreed! Reading this thread is bonkers.

OP you had a tough time and your experience is in no way the same as having a pet, I’m sorry that people have minimiser how you’re feeling here and IRL. I wish you healing