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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that buying a puppy is NOT like having a baby.

430 replies

annoyedfr · 16/03/2022 11:35

After TTC, 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic 48 hour labour which ended with me having sepsis and baby in SCBU, 2 weeks inpatient stay, 2 years of developmental worries, all this on top of the entirely normal unbelievable stress/responsibility/cost of having a baby and child ... WIBU to tell my (wonderful but in this instance thoughtless) friend that getting a puppy is not like having a baby? Because she has not suffered birth injuries to have her 'child', a dog is not a lifelong commitment in any sort of the same way as a baby (if it were as ill as my daughter they probably would have put it down tbh rather than watch it so ill for so long and wonder if it would live and if so what quality of life it would have), and dogs do not need anywhere the sort of attention and input as an actual human child?

I didn't bite the first time she said it. I bit the third time.

It's not the only time I've heard it and it's become a bit of a bugbear.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Notanotherwindow · 16/03/2022 17:03

Technically they ARE babies...

I think what people are referring to is the getting up multiple times per night, safety proofing the house, can't be left alone, getting into everything and making a mess, the seemingly endless supply of poo... not to mention the constant having to repeat oneself and unbridled glee at being naughty.

AskItaliano · 16/03/2022 17:03

Also: friend might be trying to connect with you. You never answered whether she has children. If not, she might be trying to meet you on a level and share something she thinks is similar about your lives. Maybe she feels left out if she doesn't have kids and most of her friends do, so to her acknowledging that her puppy feels like a baby is the closest she gets to joining in. A friend of mine suffered with infertility and never ended up able to have children, she calls her three dogs 'my girls' and treats them like her children. To her, they are, and I get it. What kind of a cruel POS would turn around and snottily point out 'ackshually, they're not real children'?

AskItaliano · 16/03/2022 17:04

@Notanotherwindow

Technically they ARE babies...

I think what people are referring to is the getting up multiple times per night, safety proofing the house, can't be left alone, getting into everything and making a mess, the seemingly endless supply of poo... not to mention the constant having to repeat oneself and unbridled glee at being naughty.

I have a human toddler and have had a puppy in the past, and honestly, there's so much similarity isn't there haha. Potty training and puppy training for starters. Finding those puddles of wee around the places. Your whole schedule being dictated by them. Having to get up early every day for them. Being responsible for meeting their every need when they're entirely dependent on you. Teaching them, loving them, etc.
woody87 · 16/03/2022 17:09

YANBU

I am sick to the back teeth of people who compare having dogs to having children. I had two dogs before I had kids, I still have a dog as well as two kids.

IT IS NOT REMOTELY THE SAME.

At least people who have dogs but no kids have nothing to compare it to so I just roll my eyes.

Folk that have both and STILL SAY that it is the same I think are marginally insane. There is something seriously wrong with you if you say you love your child and your dog the exact same.

Disclaimer : I love my dog - but she is not a child.

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 17:18

@Notanotherwindow

Technically they ARE babies...

I think what people are referring to is the getting up multiple times per night, safety proofing the house, can't be left alone, getting into everything and making a mess, the seemingly endless supply of poo... not to mention the constant having to repeat oneself and unbridled glee at being naughty.

Yes, but they are not YOUR BABIES. There is a word for an animal that you keep at home for company and care for - pet. So why do you have to use the word that's reserved for a human baby? Calling an animal what it is - a pet, isn't offensive.
PourSomeLove · 16/03/2022 17:19

@woody87

YANBU

I am sick to the back teeth of people who compare having dogs to having children. I had two dogs before I had kids, I still have a dog as well as two kids.

IT IS NOT REMOTELY THE SAME.

At least people who have dogs but no kids have nothing to compare it to so I just roll my eyes.

Folk that have both and STILL SAY that it is the same I think are marginally insane. There is something seriously wrong with you if you say you love your child and your dog the exact same.

Disclaimer : I love my dog - but she is not a child.

I think you need to chill. People think differently.

I don’t measure my love for my kids and dogs, I just love them all. They are all treated as well as each other and loved. No list of importance is needed. Everyone is happy. And there’s nothing ‘seriously wrong’ with me. I would look more at what is wrong with you as to why other people being different from you is so triggering for you.

PourSomeLove · 16/03/2022 17:23

So why do you have to use the word that's reserved for a human baby?

Why are you trying to police someone else’s language? You don’t have call them babies but others can do whatever they want.

bubblesbubbles11 · 16/03/2022 17:24

"and unbridled glee at being naughty"

Caveat. I have never had a dog (and probably will never have one) so the following comment comes with that caveat.
But

Isn't the above the really key difference between having a puppy and having a baby/toddler.
With a puppy (some puppies anyway) there is no guarantee that they will mature beyond "unbridled glee at being naughty".

However with a child, if it reaches adulthood and is still displaying any serious level of "unbridled glee at being naughty" on a general level you would likely have done something wrong in terms of parenting.....

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 17:25

@AskItaliano

People that honestly think that puppy = fur child have no idea about the parenthood. It is much more than being able/unable to leave your house when you want or staying up all night. And as someone said upthread - it is offensive to mothers.

Lol. Plenty of mothers to humans on the thread are saying that puppies are fur kids.

You mean it's offensive to you/some mothers. Not mothers in general. I can't imagine being offended because someone else has said that their puppy is like having a baby. I mean, it's a baby animal, so is a baby human, jesus.

They can say what they want, it doesn't mean that they're right. Child - a young human being. This is honestly minimising the experience of parenthood (and especially a motherhood). Humans and pets aren't equal. That's a fact. It doesn't mean that you cannot love and care for a dog, but it is not the same as having a child. It might be similar in some aspects, but there is a whole level of responsibility that comes with raising a child that you cannot equate with having a dog.
StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 17:25

@PourSomeLove

So why do you have to use the word that's reserved for a human baby?

Why are you trying to police someone else’s language? You don’t have call them babies but others can do whatever they want.

Do I honestly have to tell you why language matters?
worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 17:25

Ive had 2 kids and a puppy , for me the kids were easier

bubblesbubbles11 · 16/03/2022 17:27

" Calling an animal what it is - a pet, isn't offensive."

OK I am going to dare to say it.

The word "pet" has been used (and no doubt still is used) in certain parts of society as an affectionate/nickname for individual young (human) people who the speaker is referring to...

AryaStarkWolf · 16/03/2022 17:31

@woody87

YANBU

I am sick to the back teeth of people who compare having dogs to having children. I had two dogs before I had kids, I still have a dog as well as two kids.

IT IS NOT REMOTELY THE SAME.

At least people who have dogs but no kids have nothing to compare it to so I just roll my eyes.

Folk that have both and STILL SAY that it is the same I think are marginally insane. There is something seriously wrong with you if you say you love your child and your dog the exact same.

Disclaimer : I love my dog - but she is not a child.

I have a dog and I have children, I love my children more than my dog, I don't think they're the same, I can still agree with the OPs friend that having a baby and having a puppy are alike in that they both need looking after around the clock, they both need their shit and piss cleaned up, they both wake you in the middle of the night
worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 17:32

@StolenYourStollen but for many of us we have found having a puppy harder work, so we can say this if its true , my experience may not be the same as someone elses but it is mine and others by the sound of things , we are not all wrong because you don't agreeei

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 17:32

@bubblesbubbles11

" Calling an animal what it is - a pet, isn't offensive."

OK I am going to dare to say it.

The word "pet" has been used (and no doubt still is used) in certain parts of society as an affectionate/nickname for individual young (human) people who the speaker is referring to...

It doesn't change its meaning though, does it? Some people think that unless you agree with them that their dog is their 'baby' you're being insensitive/rude.
worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 17:33

@woody87 we are allowed our opinions you don't get to veto what other peoples experience is
For me a puppy/ dog is harder than my two children

worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 17:34

@StolenYourStollen why do you care what people call them
It has nothing to do with you if someone wants to call their puppy their baby,
They are baby animals still regardless
Also it zero impact on your life

PourSomeLove · 16/03/2022 17:36

Do I honestly have to tell you why language matters?

Do I have to tell you why there’s a big difference between what language I may use for my pets, than trying to enforce others to use that language?

If I want to call my dog, a baby, then I can. I can’t make you, or a vet or anyone else refer to my dog as a baby, but I can call my dog a baby if I want to. Who cares.

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 17:37

@worriedatthistime
Again, you can say what you want, and I don't doubt that having a dog is hard work, but it is not the same as having a child. OP has given lots of examples of differences between having a child and a dog, so I suggest you go look at that and then tell me if you still think it's the same experience.

worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 17:38

@PourSomeLove some seriously weird people on here always telling others what they can say and think as only what they say goes or is allowed

cumonilean · 16/03/2022 17:39

YANBU

If you hear it again just say "oh come on next thing you"ll be telling me sneezing is the same as an orgasm" or similar. Stupid people.

worriedatthistime · 16/03/2022 17:40

@StolenYourStollen no please don't suggest i do anything
I still stand by my reasons of why i think a puppy is harder than kids
I have 2 kids , i have had a puppy so i can come to my own inclusion and opinion thanks
I can say what i like and think what i like , I don't have to agree with you or the OP

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 17:41

[quote worriedatthistime]@StolenYourStollen why do you care what people call them
It has nothing to do with you if someone wants to call their puppy their baby,
They are baby animals still regardless
Also it zero impact on your life [/quote]
I said this many times. I care because it minimises the experience of parenthood/motherhood. There responsibility of caring for human being is enormous and cannot be compared to having a pet.

PourSomeLove · 16/03/2022 17:43

Again, you can say what you want, and I don't doubt that having a dog is hard work, but it is not the same as having a child. OP has given lots of examples of differences between having a child and a dog, so I suggest you go look at that and then tell me if you still think it's the same experience.

Having children isn’t the same for everyone. I’ve had a different experience parenting my first child to my second. It’s not like there’s one experience. So you can’t state that someone is wrong to feel their experience of dogs and kids is similar or different or easier or harder.

Dogs and children need lots of similar things. And for me I feel the same love and responsibility for my children and dogs.

StolenYourStollen · 16/03/2022 17:44

[quote worriedatthistime]@StolenYourStollen no please don't suggest i do anything
I still stand by my reasons of why i think a puppy is harder than kids
I have 2 kids , i have had a puppy so i can come to my own inclusion and opinion thanks
I can say what i like and think what i like , I don't have to agree with you or the OP[/quote]
If you measure parenthood by how hard it is then yeah, you're right. But objectively speaking it is much more than that. That's why I suggested you go back and read OPs post. She clearly said what it feels like to have a child and no, you cannot compare that to having a dog, no matter how hard you try to do that.

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