To find the school run relentlessly exhausting

[Longcovid21]

I will admit I feel a little under the weather at the moment and the school runs always fall to me (single parent). However I find the school runs absolutely exhausting. Other mums and dads don't look as broken as I feel. From waking up, cajoling to get dressed, recharging bags with packed lunch, fruit, water , getting them off screens which they sneak back on to as soon as my back is turned. Getting them to eat breakfast. Getting them in the car. Nag nag nag. Then rinse and repeat every day. They are 10 and 6 so the older one is a bit more independent but it's still exhausting for me. I work full time but am exhausted before I even start. I can't eat breakfast until they're in school as its too stressful. Also getting myself ready and making sure I look decent. Does anyone actually find the school run manageable or dare I say it enjoyable? What's your secret?

I woke up today feeling utterly ‘done’ with the daily routine - am also a single parent and feel exhausted by the time I get to work. I feel your pain, OP, and send
One thing I have found that helps is getting at least a few things ready the night before (non chilled items ready in lunchboxes, books in bags and set by the door, etc), just a few minutes each night seems to save at least a little bit of stress in the mornings!

@BoredZelda

I was wondering how that would work, but then realised it's probably a private school where they have staff meeting the kids from the taxi!

Or, like mine, they are disabled and the local authority provides school transport.

Yes, although the poster said it was because her friend was rich that she didn't have to do the school run and could use a taxi

We never had screens at all before school either. Was just never an option. Easy to slip into these days though and harder to take away once you've started.

@tdcp

Yes those night when she cant sleep. this was everynight at one stage till well gone 11pm, so anxious and aggitated it would often result in her hurting herself or me. . then she was prescribed melatonin which made life so much better. we only have the odd night now where her anxiety is so acute it over rides the medication.

Might have been said before but put the dry breakfast items out the night before. Put out a couple of plates/bowls and cereal, bread and jam etc on the table. Fill the kettle so you can just flick it. Small things all add up and makes it smoother!

yes its bad enough with one , even a 13 yr old can be hard work , nagging away 3 or 4 times at her to actually get out of the bed , then shes glued to her phone and its nagging away at her to get dressed which she does very slowly , if i threaten to take the phone away theres a full blown stropp which i just cant handle in the morning when im feeling at my most fragile , if im lucky i get to put on some basic makeup and drag a brush at my hair and shove a claw in it , its down to me to get everything ready she needs for school , shes hopeless in the mornings and then madly hurrying out the door to make the bus for her to get to school and me to work , i dont eat in the mornings at all , its just a few fags in the garden and coffees , its very stressfull op
i sometimes wish school hours were 10 to 2 it would be so much easier lol , im sure there are many mums who feel your pain

There is a lot of cajoling here too and stress is mostly related to getting lunches made. But we have some nice parts of the morning, like brushing 6yo’s hair in front of our big window and chatting as we do, dancing as we do our teeth and she has recently started playing imaginative games on the way to school where we are fairies/superheroes/there is a werewolf!

My kids didn't have devices - phones when in secondary. So that was never an issue.
I didn't enjoy it but I didn't find it particularly exhausting. I didn't have to do any lunches though (could be packed night before)?
I did get up before them to get myself sorted first though - that might help.

My kids are 7 and 4 and I rarely need to nag. My 7 year old has an alarm clock that goes off at the same time as mine does, he gets up, has a wee, then gets his clothes on straight away. I get the 4 year old dressed before breakfast as he doesn't have the coordination to do it himself yet. Then they both eat cereal or toast and we're out the door. Bags, lunches etc are all ready the night before so there's nothing else to it really.

There are only two or three things to achieve before the school run: 1) put clothes on 2) eat something 3) brush teeth. It can't be that stressful, surely?

Keep going
It's a chore made worth it on the days the youngest comes out of class with a big smile full of happy chat (this does not happen every day)
Morning routine just involves me shouting the same things.
I have a big coat to cover clothes & wear a hat. Sadly summer is on the way to mess up my clothing.

I wrote this post ages ago and then lost internet. Now I'm back I see the thread has moved on but don't have time to read all at the moment, so hope you will forgive me if what I say has already been said by others.
..............
How I looked on the days when I was not at work and did the school drop off and pick up, didn't matter to me; I was always the last one there too, or late :-). I only had one child, if I had had two, then there would have been double lateness.

Like you, I didn't eat beforehand but never fancied anything that early anyway so it was no hardship. I was soon home, could have my coffee and whatever I fancied to eat, after which I often went back to bed for a while if I had nothing to do . Sleep was terribly important to me back then. Now in my seventies I can't go off to sleep at the drop of hat, wish I could!

I don't give advice but will just say, don't put pressure on yourself. Relax, if they're late, they're late. Maybe there is another parent who lives near you who could share the school runs, which would give you more time to yourself.

IME there are better ways. I announced they take responsibility for themselves. So food is prepped , bags prepped, PE kits sorted the day before by them. They get ONE wake up call. No devices allowed until they're ready bar shoes - this is a good incentive actually. They help themselves to breakfast. And I simply announce the car is leaving at 0750, anyone not dressed will have to come in pjs - have carried one child to the car in PJs once (did take uniform to change when at school, but traffic is so dire we HAVE to leave before then ), but nobody defaulted since, they tend to nag me! I do nothing for them, they have to take responsibility themselves. (I do wash up the breakfast things though, seems mean/waste of water not to)

Mine are 11&9 and we have to be out of the door at 7:25 so mornings have to be tight. They have phones so they can message their dad and friends who are in another country (we recently moved). I take the phones when they go to bed and they get them back in the car so they can call their dad/ message mates on the way. Otherwise they are just too much of a distraction and we would never get out of the door.

I get them to pack bags the night before and then I just have to put water bottles in (they eat school lunches which is a massive help tbh).

Mine are older now but I still remember the pain of it (DH worked abroad a lot so I had to do pretty much all of it). What worked for me was:-

Packing school bag/sorting PE kit/musical instruments etc was part of the finishing homework routine the day before - so no TV/screens etc until bag was packed.
Packed lunches the night before (often stuff prepped at the weekend or some form of left over) so just had to take out of the fridge
Screen devices were put in a locked box downstairs before they went up to start bedtime routine and not available in the morning (I had to lock the box to stop them from sneaking down early and reclaiming them).
Mine got dressed after breakfast as they preferred it (DC1 dyspraxic and a messy eater so it worked for me) and no TV until they were fully dressed, lunch in bag etc. So no TV if they were slow.

I agree!

I have a 4yo and an 8mo. Single parent and no car so we walk to school.

Wash lunchbox after school, get it ready and in the fridge the night before (lemon juice on cut apple keeps it from going brown).

Put out clothes for everyone the night before.

In the morning wake up 1.5 hours before leaving. Change baby first thing, feed baby, change baby's clothes, 4yo wakes up 7.30 then has breakfast (cereal or toast), clean up breakfast, brush teeth, give 4yo his clothes to put on, put my clothes on, brush my teeth and get myself ready, coats and shoes on, out the door for 8.30.

@Onlyforcake

I do like the school run (sorry) if devices are an issue can you use parental controls to restrict them to not being able to go on them until a certain time. My children can't use tablets until 8am, by which time they are up, dressed, breakfasted, washed and I've packed lunches etc. We do homework at 7.30am. Then i get 30 mins to sit with a coffee, put on a load of laundry, answer school pain stuff etc. I know they're ready and I can get my head ready for the day. Keep the devices in a laptop bag or such until they are actually ready as well? I know that must sound unbearably smug, but that's just how it works in my house. I do have an older teen who hates getting up etc but it's an age where I apply consequences to not being in school or in being late etc.

Homework at 7.30?! What fresh hell is this?!

I like the school run but we have a predictable morning routine which we do not deviate from.
Children are early risers but have to stay in their rooms until 6.45am, both go toilet, brush teeth then get dressed. 5 year old dresses herself with assistance where needed (less each day), I help 3 year old. Helps that both have uniform so no variations allowed.

Followed by breakfast - mine get hungry mid morning so I aim for breakfast to be as filling as possible. Usually big bowl of porridge which both make with me and while they're eating, eldest finishes her homework, younger one has pen to doodle (and pretend he has important work!). If finished early enough, they get to play before we leave the house. Leave the house before 8 as youngest has 8am drop off, 8.15 for older one and back home and at my desk for 8.45. I enjoy the walk with them both, we talk about their days and what they like etc.

Being close to school helps and blanket no screens Monday to Friday also works for us

*And the things that make it more enjoyable for me are coffee, and playing music on the way.

I think, and I mean this with the best of intentions, you're going to have to pull yourself together and take back control.

As a PP said you have some simple aims: fed, teeth, dressed.

Do everything possible the night before. Bags packed, lunch made, cereal and bowls out, coats out etc (I out absolutely everything that I can into the car including my own coat and laptop etc)

Eliminate all screens. Totally unnecessary in the mornings. Ours are much better since we've dropped them. It was awful for two days and then they stopped asking.

Make sure you have a rhythm and routine to the morning and stick to it, so the kids know exactly what's next. Eg, we do cereal, then toast (15 mins), teeth (4 mins), dressing (6 mins), out the door.

If you make a threat, stick to it. Take your child to school once in their PJs and it won't ever happen again.

Eliminate transition points. Eg toothbrushes downstairs, uniform downstairs, hair brushed in the car.

I don't attempt breakfast before they're in school either. I find my day is so much better if I'm less shouty and stressed in the morning.

Not a single parent but I did all the school runs alone.

1. No devices in the morning at that age. Tv / Cartoons, ok, but it goes off when I say it goes off. Just having the tv on and no devices means that they were in the same room rather than wandering off to bedrooms where I couldn't see them.

1. All bags packed the night before. And if necessary a post-it stuck on the back of the front door with extra reminders.

1. I don't nag, I tell: this is still the case now that they are teens! And at that age I would take physical action whenever necessary. So if someone was dwadling in front of the tv while getting dressed, the tv goes off until it's done. 'Oh dear, it looks like the tv is distracting you from getting dressed: let me help you by turning it off until you are ready". Our big wall clock is above the telly - having an obvious clock is really handy ("you have until the big hand is at the 8 - that's when we leave").

1. Get up earlier. I would get myself pretty much entirely ready - showered, dressed, make up, breakfast done - so that I could focus on getting them ready and out of the door.

In a few years they are going to be getting themselves up, ready and out of the door on time. Now is when you need to be teaching them how to do that - how to keep an eye on the clock, how to prepare their bags and clothes the night before, how to focus on the time they need to get out of the door.

I quite like it. I'm quite relaxed about screens though on the whole and my 6 yr old isn't hugely bothered about them and prefers to play. My 7 yr old will play games, but not to levels which cause problems usually. However i do say he has to be completely ready to leave the house before settling down to anything else. I have a hands on DH who does the breakfast though which is a huge help so I can get everything else ready and I make sure I'm up early enough to factor in time for 'oh shit we haven't done xyz' moments

Most of the people on here have told OP how.to get more organised. Few have recognised how hard it must be as a full time single parent. No matter how organised she gets, she will never get any help and the mental load of that must be huge. I think it's important to recognise that rather than just offering solutions.

I find being.a working mum and getting my one DC out of the door difficult and I have a DH.

We used OurPact app to control devices. Kept it on until about 15 yo.

@Potatoesdonthavefaces

Most of the people on here have told OP how.to get more organised. Few have recognised how hard it must be as a full time single parent. No matter how organised she gets, she will never get any help and the mental load of that must be huge. I think it's important to recognise that rather than just offering solutions.

I find being.a working mum and getting my one DC out of the door difficult and I have a DH.

I agree that it is relentless being a single parent.

Homework at 7.30?! What fresh hell is this?!

If you are an early rising household this is a good option. My kids did a bit of this in secondary, of their volition. They always were up 1.5 - 2 hours before school as we tend to get up about 6:00 or 6:30, so why not use some of the time?

I think one thing that is not factored in is that those of us who naturally get up earlier do find the morning routine easier.