sick of lazy parents at soft play

[lazyeffers16]

took my 11 month old to soft play today and YET AGAIN an older child (about 4ish) came in the under 2 section and tried to literally pick her up while she was playing. everytime i come i seem to have a kid come over and try to drag her or throw a ball pit ball off her head etc and there never seems to be a parent in sight?! wtf?? i tell them no myself (as in ‘no, don’t pick her up please/throw things at her/get off her please’) but am waiting for the day they go crying to mummy. aibu here? don’t understand where their parents disappear to

@Ionlydomassiveones

“My 6 year old wouldn't be impressed if I followed her around.”

Wow. So the 6 year old dictates where the parent goes. Righto. God help you when she’s 16.

@Ionlydomassiveones If you have a child aged over 4 who you're following around soft play then it's them that I'd be worrying about aged 16. Helicopter parenting to the extreme. Poor child

@Thasheblows88

Sometimes I reprimanded them, sometimes I sent them back to the parent, sometimes I complained to staff.

You may not have felt the need to assume the responsibility for them (although by doing the above things you actually are, albeit temporarily) every time you have to do one of the above, it takes your attention off your own dc, and as you say, it's a pita. It sounds very much like you are still defending the behaviour that creates this issue in the first place.

Oh for God's sake. I have not once defended the behaviour of the parents who are not supervising their children.

And no, I am not taking responsibility for them by doing those things. I am dealing with a situation with as little disruption to me as possible. I shouldn't have to do it but engaging in activities that include the general public often end up with sub-optimal experiences.

Then don't. Unless they are at risk of real injury, just ignore them. Tell them to go away if they want to play with you. They are not your responsibility

It's not always easy do this in reality unless you have a heart of stone. Dc aren't stupid; they often attach themselves to other adults like limpets when they are being ignored by their own parents!

Oh for God's sake. I have not once defended the behaviour of the parents who are not supervising their children.

And no, I am not taking responsibility for them by doing those things. I am dealing with a situation with as little disruption to me as possible. I shouldn't have to do it but engaging in activities that include the general public often end up with sub-optimal experiences.

Well thanks for finally admitting that you shouldn't have to do it!

I have been left watching other peoples kids on holiday abroad while parents get pissed or sunbathe by the pool. Unbelievable. I got myself into the ridiculous situation where I didn’t dare go for a walk with my husband because the mothers were slogging wine down their neck and the Greek lifeguard was flirting with them. Doesn’t surprise me in the least about soft play

Fuck me. More fool you, to be honest. Why would you make this your problem?!

@Thasheblows88

Oh for God's sake. I have not once defended the behaviour of the parents who are not supervising their children.

And no, I am not taking responsibility for them by doing those things. I am dealing with a situation with as little disruption to me as possible. I shouldn't have to do it but engaging in activities that include the general public often end up with sub-optimal experiences.

Well thanks for finally admitting that you shouldn't have to do it!

While I didn't categorically state previously that I, or anyone else, should not have to deal with others' children, I certainly alluded to it when I said They don't have to take over the responsibility of the cf. They choose to and then usually complain about it.

You seem to subscribe to the school of the bleeding obvious in your expectations of posts.

I didn't say the parent ignoring their child is unreasonable because it's obvious they are unreasonable.

I didn't say I shouldn't have to deal with strangers' children because it's obvious I shouldn't have to.

Any other obvious points I haven't explicitly articulated?

@Ionlydomassiveones

I had 3 kids and I think I took them to soft play twice. I couldn’t cope with it again for exactly those reasons. Hell is other people and their unsupervised kids.

So true This is why you would never catch me going to centre parcs Like a giant over priced soft play

@Gizacluethen

Also sick of playing with other people's kids. Kids want to play with people. So if their parents won't play with them they just latch onto whatever adult is playing with their kid.

Yes this is the major issue. Because we used to play with our own kids we always end up with other people's randoms and I'm sure their parents used to encourage it so they could relax on their sun loungers while someone else babysat their kids for free.

I wouldn't have taken mine to the hell that is soft play when they were babies anyway, well maybe the younger one as there's less than 2 years between ds3 and ds4

Baby groups are bad enough

“And those posters saying that soft play is designed to give the parents a break, why are there signs all over the place saying that dc are the responsibility of their parents?”

To make it clear it’s not a supervised activity. You get signs like that everywhere eg often trampoline parks/climbing a parent will have to be on site but no expectation they are joining in.

Trampoline parks quite literally have have videos telling parents to 'keep an eye on your kids, not just your phones'.
Of course it's the parents responsibility to keep an eye on their kids! You don't have to helicopter and follow them around to do that.
OP, I had a stand up row with a parent at soft play once. Easily 8 year old in the under 0-3 area. Started throwing balls at my then 18 month old. When I told him to stop he started throwing them at me. When I told him to stop he ran over and punched me in the back. Dad gave zero shits. Some parents are just crap, OP.

I hate softplay, haven’t been since covid. Last time we went DC got norovirus so it put me off for life. They’re just germ pits.

Out of interest to the OP and all the posters complaining about "big" kids in the space for under threes - how do you know their ages? Do they wear age badges at your softplay centres?

If you have an issue with wrong use of the service then presumably you also complained to the staff/owners?

@C8H10N4O2 Oh, come on. I'm not saying I can tell the difference between 20 and 30 months but it's pretty obvious that a 7 year old who's doing handstands and throwing Cosy Coupes around is not under three

0-3 is too big a range, it sets it up to be an issue.

[quote takealettermsjones]@C8H10N4O2 Oh, come on. I'm not saying I can tell the difference between 20 and 30 months but it's pretty obvious that a 7 year old who's doing handstands and throwing Cosy Coupes around is not under three [/quote]
OP mentioned four yr olds in an area for up to threes. Multiple posters on this thread have assumed "big" = older, not school age.

Any tall parent will be able to tell you of the self righteous parents at playgroups, soft play and other activities for children who berated them because their under fives had the temerity to behave like under fives. Because apparently children mature with height not age

So based on my experience the assumption that a bigger child is older at a children's activity is more often wrong than right.

I remember years ago as a CM at soft play, a little girl made a bee line for my 4 charges who were about 1, 2, 4&4. She was about 4 as well. She pushed over both twins who were small children, slapped the 2 year old and although I was sitting next to the baby and I had asked her to please go play elsewhere turned and bit the baby.

I at that point took her by the hand and lead her to the from of the coffee area and in a very loud voice asked who's child she was. A woman at the back with a baby in a buggy, although the mother was on the phone looked up.

" could you please supervise your child, she has just bitten my baby and slapped my toddler " I had asked rather icily

"Oh I can't leave my baby" she replied

" Bring it with you" I had said even more icily

" oh she's asleep, if your down there you can watch her" was the reply as she went back to her phone.

At which point I went and leant both hands on the table - yes I was being intimidating-

" I am not your childminder, you do not pay me. Now go and supervise your bloody child or I will be complaining to the owners. "
She huffed and puffed called the older one over and left.

The owner came over then and asked what had happened. I explained, the owner then told me that she had had to speak to her the week before about her child hitting other children.

She had told her that her child had SEN, which explained why the behaviour from the child but not from the mother. If you know your child is going to react to other children like that surely you supervise even more.

Any tall parent will be able to tell you of the self righteous parents at playgroups, soft play and other activities for children who berated them because their under fives had the temerity to behave like under fives. Because apparently children mature with height not age

Okay... So if your child is the right age to be in the baby/toddler bit, but just big for their age, then you'd be supervising your child in there anyway, wouldn't you? Because they (quite rightly) behave like a toddler and therefore need constant supervision. And you would therefore presumably be on hand to step in if they started wrecking the place. So it's not really what is being discussed here, unless I'm missing the point.

Op mentioned a 4 year old in an under 2s area. As the parent of a (at the time) very tall toddler
I kept a close eye on him what with him being so much taller than the other under 2s

I find it in a lot of places. I used to volunteer at an after school sports club. There was a clubhouse with a bar area. Parents used to sit in the bar to relax (fairly enough) but we, as volunteers, used to get it in the neck if the club house or toilets were left in a mess. Lots of parents were letting pre schoolers use the toilets unassisted (you can imagine the mess there...not to mention I think it would be a safeguarding issue) and the amount of litter and discarded food was ridiculous!

When I used to take my DC to soft play a few times I would notice other toddlers were going around on their own, that were very clearly in need of a nappy change.

@Thasheblows88 yeah I have a heart of stone now. I started off being soft and quickly realised that it just made my life harder. If a child is going to be seriously hurt or is really crying, I tell them to go away.

Unless a child is going to be...

My son loves babies and left unsupervised would try and hug them. He is five and can be trusted to go on the big play frame and play nicely. I certainly wouldn't let him in the baby section and watch him like a hawk. Any reports of silly behaviour and he is off. I can understand that they get a bit hyper on the big frame and we have had a few accidental bumps and pushes. I don't mind other people telling my son and I certainly don't mind telling other children to stop.
I've had parents really angry for telling their child and my own to slow down and stop pushing. If they arent doing it then I certainly will.

[quote alltheapples]@Thasheblows88 yeah I have a heart of stone now. I started off being soft and quickly realised that it just made my life harder. If a child is going to be seriously hurt or is really crying, I tell them to go away.[/quote]
It's also good for kids to realise they are not always entitled to get their own way and that they are not welcome everywhere.

Respect for other people is an important trait the parents are obviously not teaching them so those of us with a heart of stone might as well help them learn that lesson.

You're presumably with your child as she's too young to play there independently so just intervene if there's an issue.
There's going to be interactions with other children at soft play, that's a positive aspect of going out to play rather than staying home.
Parents could either be dealing with another child, or just having a break for a bit considering the whole point of soft play is that it's a safe environment for them to have a bit of independence.
Our 8 year old found a 3 year old who was crying in the upper part of a soft play recently and managed to calm her down and bring her down, and then played together until they left and the little girl had a great time. If the dad had been trailing after her the whole time she wouldn't have had any of that interaction or independence (and the dad wasn't just 'being lazy' he was feeding his baby a bottle at the time).