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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child let out of school early by mistake!!

110 replies

Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 18:23

So…… my child is 14, SEN, having a really hard time at school at the moment with friendships.

Yesterday, the plan was to spend all day with one teacher. Doing his own school work but in whichever class this teacher was teaching in.

Teacher described him as very anxious and very stressed.

After lunch, my son asked to go home and said he felt really worried about being in school at home time. And that he still felt very anxious and very stressed.

Teacher said that was fine, as long as a parent/guardian collected.

Usually, if I need to collect during the school day, the school phone or email me and I collect him from the Reception area and sign him out.

Yesterday, my son told the teacher I was waiting outside the school on the road. I was not.

I have never done this before. I always go to Reception.

The teacher, let him go.

Then 1hr later, the school phoned me to check I had him. The phone call was prompted by another teacher raising that I would never not be in reception.

I am not happy with my son for doing this at all, he knows better and I have told him so. I was pretty confident I knew where my son would be and he was. He was sat in the local park by himself.

School have no explanation as to why they didn’t email/phone me like they always have done. The teacher just said “I know better than this, I just don’t know why I thought it would be ok”

This teacher is usually absolutely amazing by the way.

The Headteacher, well, just walked past me not even acknowledging that I was there!

AIBU to think that the school have majorly messed up here and the Headteacher should of made contact to apologise at least?

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 15/03/2022 18:27

You need to raise it formally so that lessons can be learned. This was a serious error given your child has additional needs and is under a special arrangement.

The poor teacher will be shitting themselves, but they have got to go through the process of discussing wtf happened and school need to reflect on how to make sure it doesn't happen again.

A calm letter I think, using the formal policy. It doesn;t have to be a witch hunt.

Overtheseas · 15/03/2022 18:32

It’s very difficult to say, without knowing the extent of your child’s SEN. If he is functionally and developmentally at an age where he can't be let out of an adult’s sight, then YANBU.

Otherwise, it is reasonable at a developmental age of 14 to expect a child to a) be honest when he’s seen a parent and b) be able to walk out of the school gate unaccompanied. So if this is the case YABU.

MintyFreshBreath · 15/03/2022 18:32

I can’t believe anyone thinks YABU. I’d be fuming if this was my son! Even if this isn’t in place formally, there’s a regular pattern to the pickups and he’s a vulnerable lad. At the least they should have walked him to you and then they would have found out you weren’t there. Definitely make a complaint.

DeckTheHallsWithGin · 15/03/2022 18:35

If he needs constant supervision to this degree does he have a ehcp and/or one to one and/or history of lying? If not I can see why the school would think It was reasonable to let him out.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/03/2022 18:39

You say that the teacher is normally amazing and it sounds like they have apologised sincerely. I would be ok with that. Mistakes happen-I doubt it will happen again.

I would be extremely cross with my child for the bare-faced lying to staff though.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 15/03/2022 18:40

You have to weigh it up. Do you think that if you ask for a formal meeting you have the opportunity to highlight the issues and ask for a better plan moving forward? If you are confident you can do that, then that's what I would do. As you say, this teacher is usually amazing, they made a mistake and if you make this a complaint it could be very damaging for them. Then again, if you feel that you really want this teacher to be held accountable... 🤷🏼‍♀️ your son has a lot to answer for too, and I'm sure you already know you need to (probably already have) had a serious talk about what he did.

Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 18:40

No EHCP. Never collected from anywhere other than Reception if leaving during the school day. School always Phone/Email to ask me to collect early. He has to be signed out. He has ASD.

OP posts:
PaddleBoardingMomma · 15/03/2022 18:41

@Shinyandnew1

You say that the teacher is normally amazing and it sounds like they have apologised sincerely. I would be ok with that. Mistakes happen-I doubt it will happen again.

I would be extremely cross with my child for the bare-faced lying to staff though.

Agreed, my main grievance would be with my child for lying to the teacher, I think. He sounds like he needs the extra support and I'm guessing likes this teacher a lot to have been placed with them for the full day, would be a shame if those bonds of trust have gone altogether
busyeatingbiscuits · 15/03/2022 18:42

Depends what level of supervision your ds usually needs?
Is he allowed to walk to and from school alone or should he have 1:1?

Teacher should have double checked but at secondary age children should (in general) be able to be trusted not to leave school when they’re not allowed.

beddygu · 15/03/2022 18:42

OP these threads always go the same way, your son will be blamed.

They shouldn't have let him just walk out even if didn't have any SEN issues.

beddygu · 15/03/2022 18:43

He has to be signed out.

yes that's what i would expect

BurntO · 15/03/2022 18:46

The teacher is usually amazing and has profusely apologised. I’m sure the ordeal is enough for them to never make such a mistake again. Your DS lied to her faced and that is why needs to be looked at here. I can’t see what else will come from pushing it further with the school

DreamTheMoors · 15/03/2022 18:46

I listened to my parents’ convo one evening about taking us out of school early the following Friday to go on a weekend trip.
Come Friday afternoon, I told my teacher that I absolutely must leave, that my family was leaving for the weekend and I was certain they’d be leaving without me if I didn’t go right then.
She let me go, and I walked the 6 blocks home to the shock of my mother, who was sorting the laundry.
I was six years old.

Sapphireskies · 15/03/2022 18:47

Omg, anything could of happened to him ffs. He shouldn't of said you were out there when he knows you weren't, however the teacher should of contacted you, took him to reception and waited with him. It's not your or your sons fault.

Sapphireskies · 15/03/2022 18:47

And also, the teacher should of gone out with him to the road and made sure he got to you. I would be fuming and so worried. I hope they learn a lesson. They are meant to safeguard him and they didn't.

busyeatingbiscuits · 15/03/2022 18:48

Teacher made a mistake, child made a mistake, both have apologised so it’s not a huge issue.
Unless the child needs 1:1 supervision usually in which case this was a safeguarding failure.

Schools aren’t prisons though. Teenagers are able to get out if they’re determined to!

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/03/2022 18:49

Whether or not the head should call depends on your son’s SEN. The teacher has apologised though.

So I would write to the teacher / head / anyone key, and say 1) it was nerve wracking 2) your have had firm words w your son 3) you appreciate the teachers apology and BTW think she’s great. But please can they take the learning op to check Their systems and feed back any actions to you, I’d be polite and firm rather than raging. People make mistakes and the teacher has acknowledged hers.

carefullycourageous · 15/03/2022 18:49

@BurntO

The teacher is usually amazing and has profusely apologised. I’m sure the ordeal is enough for them to never make such a mistake again. Your DS lied to her faced and that is why needs to be looked at here. I can’t see what else will come from pushing it further with the school
This is naive. What will come from a letter is a legal duty for the school to address it.
Overtheseas · 15/03/2022 18:50

Well, if he has no EHCP and is in a mainstream school, I think you are being a little harsh. ASD needs to be taken into account of course, but in your son’s case he understands the rules and knew better to lie- as you say so yourself.

It sounds as though the school are very understanding and accommodating going above and beyond 99% of the time, very few 14 year olds would have such strict pickup arrangements. It’s great that he gets the support from them, but this being a ‘major mess up’ seems a bit far. He will be leaving school in 2 years time, after all. He needs to know that he is responsible for keeping himself safe.

Imissmoominmama · 15/03/2022 18:51

He has ASD but no EHCP?

busyeatingbiscuits · 15/03/2022 18:52

@Sapphireskies

Omg, anything could of happened to him ffs. He shouldn't of said you were out there when he knows you weren't, however the teacher should of contacted you, took him to reception and waited with him. It's not your or your sons fault.
The boy is 14 not 6.
Notthissticky · 15/03/2022 18:53

I disagree with the people saying it's fine. Of course you can't just let a student out of school during school hours because they say their parent is outside!!! I'd say that applies irrespective of whether there are SEN. In this case, OP's son was somewhere safe and easily found. However, he could have been meeting up with someone with ill intentions. Grooming anyone? The school is in loco parentis and I doubt many people would just let their 14yo wander off without knowing where to.

Sirzy · 15/03/2022 18:55

The teacher apologised and has admitted their error. Their error was made worse by the fact your son then lied which led to the worsened situation.

I would email the senco to clarify with her that you will always pick up from the office and to ensure the office staff know not to realise him without you being there.

Sirzy · 15/03/2022 18:56

@Imissmoominmama

He has ASD but no EHCP?
Most children with autism won’t have an ehcp. They are notouriously hard to get and aren’t always needed.
beddygu · 15/03/2022 18:59

Of course you can't just let a student out of school during school hours because they say their parent is outside!!! I'd say that applies irrespective of whether there are SEN

agree, it's very common for the procedure to be collect from reception & sign out if during school hours.