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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child let out of school early by mistake!!

110 replies

Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 18:23

So…… my child is 14, SEN, having a really hard time at school at the moment with friendships.

Yesterday, the plan was to spend all day with one teacher. Doing his own school work but in whichever class this teacher was teaching in.

Teacher described him as very anxious and very stressed.

After lunch, my son asked to go home and said he felt really worried about being in school at home time. And that he still felt very anxious and very stressed.

Teacher said that was fine, as long as a parent/guardian collected.

Usually, if I need to collect during the school day, the school phone or email me and I collect him from the Reception area and sign him out.

Yesterday, my son told the teacher I was waiting outside the school on the road. I was not.

I have never done this before. I always go to Reception.

The teacher, let him go.

Then 1hr later, the school phoned me to check I had him. The phone call was prompted by another teacher raising that I would never not be in reception.

I am not happy with my son for doing this at all, he knows better and I have told him so. I was pretty confident I knew where my son would be and he was. He was sat in the local park by himself.

School have no explanation as to why they didn’t email/phone me like they always have done. The teacher just said “I know better than this, I just don’t know why I thought it would be ok”

This teacher is usually absolutely amazing by the way.

The Headteacher, well, just walked past me not even acknowledging that I was there!

AIBU to think that the school have majorly messed up here and the Headteacher should of made contact to apologise at least?

OP posts:
Newbie44 · 15/03/2022 21:09

What are the normal arrangements when your son needs to go home? It’s unclear whether your son went to reception to ask them to phone you, or at least that’s where the teacher sent him/ thought he had gone. Did he then return to the class and say that mum was over the road? So did the teacher assume reception had called you and all was well? How could teacher check, have they the facilities to call reception from their classroom? We have to remember this teacher was presumably in charge of around 30 other children at the time.

If he often needs to go home, and this sounds the case, there should have been a clear protocol which is followed every single time. This would protect the teacher and your son. For example, he should always wait in reception no matter what. The situation you describe sounds very loosely organised and this is why strict procedures are needed.

Porcupineintherough · 15/03/2022 21:14

"What if a child walks out and is run over"

Then someone will likely call 999. What if they get run over after school, or at lunchtime?

The reason for registration at the beginning of each lesson is to pick up anyone who has disappeared (for whatever reason). Between times responsibility lies with the child. It's not hard to escape if you want to.

Porcupineintherough · 15/03/2022 21:16

@Sirzy at my ds' school there are multiple buildings on the same site and multiple entrances/exits, only some of which are kept shut during the school day. It would be relatively straightforward for a child to slip out.

Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 21:20

The school is surrounded by a 10ft gate. It’s always locked accept for 20 minutes at the start and end of each day. No access unless Reception open it. They can see you via a camera.

The protocol is: School phone me or email me asking to collect. I collect from Reception. I go into the Reception and wait. The Receptionist emails teacher to say I’m there. They send son to me. If no reply to email to say he’s on way, they contact teacher on radio.

This has been in place for approximately two years give or take due to COVID.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 21:25

@sauvignonblancplz Unfortunately yes I have to escort my 14 year old in and out of school. Do I want this - No. Do I enjoy this - No.

OP posts:
Newbie44 · 15/03/2022 21:26

Thanks @Bigblunder
So this is why you have no explanation as to why you were not contacted at all.
Presumably ds was sent to reception to follow normal protocol and didn’t do so? If you are always happy to collect, is there any reason why he would not have followed normal procedure?
Just wondering why this occasion was different to the others, was he particularly anxious and desperate to leave. Did he think you might take too long to come?
Sorry for all the questions, very familiar with ASD and sympathetic to their real anxieties, just can’t work out why he felt the need to lie on this occasion when procedures mean he can usually be picked up straight away.
I’m glad he’s ok OP

Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 21:28

@cansu You really have no idea. Of course I’m upset, of course I’m cross. I’m really angry actually. But yeah what I will do is show that to an already stressed out, out of depth young person. Ok. Thanks for the advice, but I will pass.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 21:33

@Newbie44 I didn’t know what went wrong for him today when I started the thread. But 6 hours later….. I’m getting more information from him. He went in stressed and anxious about some friendship issues. He was with the same teacher all day. The teacher fed back that he was in an anxious state. At some point, another student made him aware that something of his, a piece of work, had been purposely destroyed. He’d been told he could leave, rather than waiting, he freaked, told reception I was outside and left. I’ve emailed to ask if the school work has been destroyed and will wait to hear back tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 21:35

There is no way out accept through the gate which is locked.

OP posts:
NeverAgainSam · 15/03/2022 21:37

@Sapphireskies

And also, the teacher should of gone out with him to the road and made sure he got to you. I would be fuming and so worried. I hope they learn a lesson. They are meant to safeguard him and they didn't.
And left an entire class of children alone to do so?
Newbie44 · 15/03/2022 21:40

@Bigblunder
I suspected issues with other children in the class. This must have been terrible for him and I can understand why he wanted to leave, even if he had to lie to do so.
I feel for the teacher too, they are only human and you have been very fair about her, but there is a lesson learned for everyone. Really feel for your boy too OP I hope he has a better day of it when he manages to go back in, and that you are ok too. I imagine life can be hard at times x

Nighttimenope · 15/03/2022 21:49

So- it was reception at fault here, not the teacher? As they are the ones who have opened the gate?

Imitatingdory · 15/03/2022 21:51

I think you need to apply for an EHCNA if you are regularly collecting DS early because he cannot cope in school.

Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 21:53

Thank you @Newbie44. Fingers crossed tomorrow is better for all of us. It’s so hard. I never expected this. I honestly thought that come secondary school, they become far more independent as they go off with their friends. It’s no different to primary school for us and I don’t think it ever will be. It’s exhausting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 21:54

@Imitatingdory - What’s that? I either take in late or collect early. This is the second week of attempting a full week…. It’s not going well. As you can tell.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 15/03/2022 21:56

Your mainstream secondary school has locked gates? Only nurseries have this. I know it's not the point of the post but its surprising to me.

Soontobe60 · 15/03/2022 22:02

@Imissmoominmama

He has ASD but no EHCP?
Just having a diagnosis of anything doesn’t mean an EHCP needs to be obtained. If the school is able to meet a child’s needs within their own budget, then an EHCP isn’t generally necessary. Similarly, a diagnosis of anything isn’t a requirement of an EHCP!
Imitatingdory · 15/03/2022 22:03

An EHCNA is the needs assessment prior to the LA deciding whether to issue and EHCP or not. You should also ask the LA for school transport.

Liveforsummer it is not only nurseries with locked gates, many secondary schools now do.

Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 22:03

@liveforsummer Yes gates around the entire perimeter with a locked car gate and locked pedestrian gate next to each other at the front of the school.

They always say it’s to keep people out rather than in.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 15/03/2022 22:09

Fair enough OP if that's the level of security the school has and your ds needs then YANBU.

twominutesmore · 15/03/2022 22:15

I'm sorry you're having a tough time op, and I expect this feels like the last straw.

I am a teacher and think YANBU - the teacher made a mistake that had the potential to be serious.

I think if it will help you to draw a line under it, you should ask to meet with the teacher, or the Safeguard Lead, and discuss it.

Go in knowing what you want to achieve. You have already had the acknowledgement and apology. Do you need reassurances that it won't happen again?

liveforsummer · 15/03/2022 22:20

@Imitatingdory

An EHCNA is the needs assessment prior to the LA deciding whether to issue and EHCP or not. You should also ask the LA for school transport.

Liveforsummer it is not only nurseries with locked gates, many secondary schools now do.

It certainly is just nurseries in my local authority and surrounding areas. I'd go as far as to say the entire county but obviously have not been to every school within it . Never heard of locked schools though aside from access in to the main building it's self (entering only, not locked to leave)
GoldFigure · 15/03/2022 22:23

I think getting clarification from safeguarding lead, or possibly more relevantly SENCo, that it isn't to happen again is all that's needed now. Of course you're angry and frightened but I wouldn't expect any involvement from the Head really. Maybe they hadn't been filled in, maybe they were avoiding the conversation to avoid admitting liability, maybe they were doing something crazily urgent.

The teacher herself made it clear she'd made a mistake so I don't know why so many posters are arguing that it's not on her, and I don't think an EHCP is relevant either. At our mainstream secondary, DC are not released without school receiving email/text/form from a parent. I suppose they can and do go AWOL but that is utterly different to a teacher dismissing a child out of the school without confirming a parent has given permission.

OP it's horrible that it happened but there is a lot of comfort to take from the fact that another teacher raised the alarm quickly, and the teacher involved is being so open and apologetic. Easy for me to say when it's not my child though.

MichelleScarn · 15/03/2022 22:34

@Imitatingdory

I think you need to apply for an EHCNA if you are regularly collecting DS early because he cannot cope in school.
Agree with this, he would hopefully then be able to get a 1:1 to support him. Is his being able to spend all day with the same teacher reliant on their goodwill?
Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 22:35

On reflection I think I just wanted the Head to acknowledge what had happened and say “I’m sorry”.

I’m at the school twice a day every day and I support them, always.

I’m always available to pick him up when they call.

I just wanted an “I’m sorry this has happened”.

I don’t want and never did want sackings, disciplinary action or teachers getting a bad mark on their records. They truly are amazing.

I just wanted the Head of the school to say “I’m sorry”.

I think it was a bit mean as well to leave the teacher to sort it out, it’s not particularly supportive. But I guess the Head must have confidence in the staff to handle it.

To those who blame my son, of cause he shouldn’t of lied, I know that. He lies all the time, he can’t help it, but to him it’s not a lie like we see it. It’s not as straight forward as that. Anyone who has experience of ASD or similar, will know that and understand.

ASD is cruel, indiscriminate and so complex because in so many people it can’t be seen. If we can’t see things we don’t always believe it. We need more education in our schools and workplaces.

OP posts: