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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child let out of school early by mistake!!

110 replies

Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 18:23

So…… my child is 14, SEN, having a really hard time at school at the moment with friendships.

Yesterday, the plan was to spend all day with one teacher. Doing his own school work but in whichever class this teacher was teaching in.

Teacher described him as very anxious and very stressed.

After lunch, my son asked to go home and said he felt really worried about being in school at home time. And that he still felt very anxious and very stressed.

Teacher said that was fine, as long as a parent/guardian collected.

Usually, if I need to collect during the school day, the school phone or email me and I collect him from the Reception area and sign him out.

Yesterday, my son told the teacher I was waiting outside the school on the road. I was not.

I have never done this before. I always go to Reception.

The teacher, let him go.

Then 1hr later, the school phoned me to check I had him. The phone call was prompted by another teacher raising that I would never not be in reception.

I am not happy with my son for doing this at all, he knows better and I have told him so. I was pretty confident I knew where my son would be and he was. He was sat in the local park by himself.

School have no explanation as to why they didn’t email/phone me like they always have done. The teacher just said “I know better than this, I just don’t know why I thought it would be ok”

This teacher is usually absolutely amazing by the way.

The Headteacher, well, just walked past me not even acknowledging that I was there!

AIBU to think that the school have majorly messed up here and the Headteacher should of made contact to apologise at least?

OP posts:

Lougle · 15/03/2022 22:37

DD2 is on a reduced timetable. I have to either pick her up from reception, or phone them to tell them that I've arrived and that I'm parked outside the school before she's released.

Lougle · 15/03/2022 22:38

Also, they have a main reception and a pupil reception. Pupils are held at pupil reception until main reception phone over to say the parent is there.

Chouetted · 16/03/2022 01:50

I have to day, with the update about his work being destroyed, it sounds more like bullying than friendship issues, and I'm feeling increasingly sympathetic to your son. It doesn't sound like he's safe at school, other than in the physical sense.

Mister49 · 16/03/2022 01:52

I think what needs to be taken into account here is the school were aware your son was in a heightened /anxious state when he left the school. I feel that given they are saying this, the communication with home regarding his mood/presentation was even more important. It has enabled a vulnerable 14 year old who was struggling with mental health /anxiety to leave and with no adult being aware he was in a potentially unsafe position due to the way he was feeling. Thankfully you were contacted and knew where he was. But this could of ended differently with him being missing and due to his state of mind that would be alarming. I think it is reasonable to
expect a simple apology and reassurance it wont happen again. Even in secondary provision if a child nneeds to oearly parents are contacted to see if they agree for pupil to leave or to collect them.

Jamboree01 · 16/03/2022 01:59

@Bigblunder

So…… my child is 14, SEN, having a really hard time at school at the moment with friendships.

Yesterday, the plan was to spend all day with one teacher. Doing his own school work but in whichever class this teacher was teaching in.

Teacher described him as very anxious and very stressed.

After lunch, my son asked to go home and said he felt really worried about being in school at home time. And that he still felt very anxious and very stressed.

Teacher said that was fine, as long as a parent/guardian collected.

Usually, if I need to collect during the school day, the school phone or email me and I collect him from the Reception area and sign him out.

Yesterday, my son told the teacher I was waiting outside the school on the road. I was not.

I have never done this before. I always go to Reception.

The teacher, let him go.

Then 1hr later, the school phoned me to check I had him. The phone call was prompted by another teacher raising that I would never not be in reception.

I am not happy with my son for doing this at all, he knows better and I have told him so. I was pretty confident I knew where my son would be and he was. He was sat in the local park by himself.

School have no explanation as to why they didn’t email/phone me like they always have done. The teacher just said “I know better than this, I just don’t know why I thought it would be ok”

This teacher is usually absolutely amazing by the way.

The Headteacher, well, just walked past me not even acknowledging that I was there!

AIBU to think that the school have majorly messed up here and the Headteacher should of made contact to apologise at least?

The teacher let him go from lesson? Or from the premises? Was it a subject teacher who let him leave the premises? Or did your son just leave a lesson and walk off the premises? Teachers don’t usually give permission for children to leave the school as they don’t have the authority to do so unless a member of pastoral team/ sendco or SLT.

WindyKnickers · 16/03/2022 05:46

I don't think YABU but it sounds like the older your child gets the more he's going to use lying to manipulate teachers and others and maybe you do need to rethink things around his supervision for the future. There will be other occasions where he seeks to escape or you might not be immediately available and there comes a time where teachers can't hold him. It also sounds like he did use skills to keep himself safe and so you could easily find him, can you work on safety planning with him and "what if" scenarios?

whynotwhy · 16/03/2022 07:51

First step for me would be to tell my son to apologise to the teacher for lying.

GoldFigure · 16/03/2022 08:07

I have a very anxious autistic teen who has trouble attending school too. This thread is quite a visceral reminder of how different our world is to those of others.

I'm sure PPs are right that he needs an EHCNA, and it sounds like the school will be supportive. Individuals being amazing is a great start but if the system is not suitable for him it's just endless firefighting.

MichelleScarn · 16/03/2022 08:40

l don’t want and never did want sackings, disciplinary action or teachers getting a bad mark on their records. They truly are amazing.

Haven't had any contact with a secondary school since I left, but surely something like this wouldn't have led to any of the above?! It's good to see you recognize what they are doing for your son.

Newbie44 · 16/03/2022 15:31

Hope your son had a better day today OP x

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