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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child let out of school early by mistake!!

110 replies

Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 18:23

So…… my child is 14, SEN, having a really hard time at school at the moment with friendships.

Yesterday, the plan was to spend all day with one teacher. Doing his own school work but in whichever class this teacher was teaching in.

Teacher described him as very anxious and very stressed.

After lunch, my son asked to go home and said he felt really worried about being in school at home time. And that he still felt very anxious and very stressed.

Teacher said that was fine, as long as a parent/guardian collected.

Usually, if I need to collect during the school day, the school phone or email me and I collect him from the Reception area and sign him out.

Yesterday, my son told the teacher I was waiting outside the school on the road. I was not.

I have never done this before. I always go to Reception.

The teacher, let him go.

Then 1hr later, the school phoned me to check I had him. The phone call was prompted by another teacher raising that I would never not be in reception.

I am not happy with my son for doing this at all, he knows better and I have told him so. I was pretty confident I knew where my son would be and he was. He was sat in the local park by himself.

School have no explanation as to why they didn’t email/phone me like they always have done. The teacher just said “I know better than this, I just don’t know why I thought it would be ok”

This teacher is usually absolutely amazing by the way.

The Headteacher, well, just walked past me not even acknowledging that I was there!

AIBU to think that the school have majorly messed up here and the Headteacher should of made contact to apologise at least?

OP posts:
beddygu · 15/03/2022 19:00

Their error was made worse by the fact your son then lied which led to the worsened situation.

I don't understand. The error was made because the son lied.

SafelySoftly · 15/03/2022 19:00

He’s not got a EHCP and is a mainstream school. Sounds like they’re already bending over backwards to accommodate his needs. You should get a EHCP if you need more.

FacebookPhotos · 15/03/2022 19:01

TBH, I’m surprised that the teacher said yes to the request, regardless of SEN. Every school I’ve worked in has required a parent to sign the child out at reception during the school day, until they are in 6th form (at which point we require parental permission for them to sign themselves out).

If the teacher is usually excellent and has apologised then I wouldn’t make an official complaint. I’d probably just email the HoY (copying in senco) to clarify that your DS is not allowed off school premises during the day unless you sign him out.

beddygu · 15/03/2022 19:04

Sounds like they’re already bending over backwards to accommodate his needs.

illustrating my point 😆

Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 19:09

I’m not planning on or intending to make a complaint.

I just thought in these situations the Headteacher should of made contact.

My son has lots of problems at school and is dropped off and picked up every day.

OP posts:
Ducksurprise · 15/03/2022 19:10

Your son lied, you don't need an apology but as he has SEN you do need to make it clear that it must not happen again.

The senior school my children are at do not expect parents to sign kids in and out.

Halllyup17 · 15/03/2022 19:12

He's 14, and presumably in mainstream school. If so, he's entirely capable of understanding that what he's done is not acceptable. I wouldn't be cross with the school, mistakes happen. Just voice your concerns and reiterate that he needs an adult present to be able to leave.

Original poster
Bigblunder · 15/03/2022 19:14

Also, he lies all the time, they know he lies all the time. I have no idea why they believed him.

OP posts:
BamberGascoine · 15/03/2022 19:19

I work in a school and would say there is no harm in contacting the designated safeguarding lead. I can understand the default is to want to hear from the head but actually what you really need to do is speak to the person in charge of safeguarding for the whole school. If I had made that mistake I would have owned up to them so improvements can be made and would expect to answer to the DSL for my mistake. I think our DSL would have called home to be honest

Holskey · 15/03/2022 19:20

I'd write a letter, making clear that I accept the teacher's apology and require no further action in that regard, but that I want to raise it as an opportunity for all staff to be reminded that they need to contact the parents in these circumstances.

Overtheseas · 15/03/2022 19:25

Really, rather then getting angry I think you need to get to the root of the issue:

  1. Why was your child so uncomfortable and desperate to get out of school?
  1. How can he be supported to communicate and deal with this in a safe way.

Having the staff watch him like a hawk and never believing him because he lies all the time may keep him safe right now while he’s in school, but it won’t do him any favours in the long run because he needs to learn to take responsibility.

I’d use this as a learning experience. Talk to him about what was good about what happened (at least he kept himself safe in the park, and to an extent he showed initiative to meet his own needs. He showed many skills if you think about it) and also talk to him about the risks and why the rule of not leaving school on your own exists. See how he can use his existing skills (initiative, some independence) to help him to deal with it in a safer way next time.

WlNDMlLL · 15/03/2022 19:27

@Imissmoominmama

He has ASD but no EHCP?
I'd imagine the vast majority of children with ASD don't have an EHCP. You might have 2-5 children in the school with an EHCP in a medium primary; I've taught classes where over 10% of the year group have got an ASD diagnosis or are being investigated for it.
Makeitsoso · 15/03/2022 19:31

YANBU at all. It sounds like human error and teacher fully realises they messed up. I would want to confirm what the procedure is but also wouldn’t want to punish someone (or get them in massive trouble) when they clearly realised their mistake.

Makeitsoso · 15/03/2022 19:32

@Holskey

I'd write a letter, making clear that I accept the teacher's apology and require no further action in that regard, but that I want to raise it as an opportunity for all staff to be reminded that they need to contact the parents in these circumstances.
Yes, something like this
isadoradancing123 · 15/03/2022 19:33

Teachers can never do right, if they had refused to believe him you would have been saying why does no one believe my son just because has asd

Gizacluethen · 15/03/2022 19:35

Sounds like the teacher was doing what they thought was best. Clearly kicking themselves for making that decision while trying to help your child and has apologised.

Notthissticky · 15/03/2022 19:35

@BamberGascoine

I work in a school and would say there is no harm in contacting the designated safeguarding lead. I can understand the default is to want to hear from the head but actually what you really need to do is speak to the person in charge of safeguarding for the whole school. If I had made that mistake I would have owned up to them so improvements can be made and would expect to answer to the DSL for my mistake. I think our DSL would have called home to be honest
Totally agree with everything in this post! I imagine the teacher will have spoken to someone about it already as well.
twominutesmore · 15/03/2022 19:38

YANBU. Of course it should have been handled differently.

But it sounds as if the teacher responsible for the error has acknowledged and apologised for the mistake, and won't be making the same mistake again with your child or anyone else's.

The fact that they phoned you within an hour of him leaving suggests that she realised herself that it was wrong, with no prompting from you.

So for me, as she is an amazing teacher who clearly cares about your child, that would be the end of it.

Hairyfairy01 · 15/03/2022 19:40

I think if 14 and in mainstream school with no EHCP the responsibility shouldn't just fall on the school. They have apologised, the teacher probably feels awful. I wouldn't be taking this any further personally.

LittleOwl153 · 15/03/2022 19:40

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks it's OK for a child to walk out of school during the school day.

Our secondary to release ANY child even those close to 17 during the day require an adult to collect. Totally different to them leaving at the end of the day where it is an expected free for all (unless specific arrangements are made for SN etc)

San141 · 15/03/2022 19:41

What a joke!!! You have to sign them out up to year 11, in the two schools my kids are at! we live a 3 and 5 minute walk from both!! There is no way our schools would let this happen. I would discuss it with a teacher

cansu · 15/03/2022 19:42

Your child told a bare faced lie. I would be more cross with him. The teacher trusted your ds to tell the truth. I am sure the teacher is very upset. She won't trust your ds again. She probably will be much more careful in her dealings with him in the future. I think if the teacher has apologised I am not sure why you need the head to apologise as well. In your shoes I would be furious with my ds.

Morph22010 · 15/03/2022 19:43

Having had experience of a child in a mainstream with an ehcp, the school sounds very good in terms of the support being given without an ehcp. In view of this and the fact that the teacher is usually great and sounds fortified I wouldn’t take it too far or get the teacher in trouble by complaining. I would however ask for something to be put in place so it can’t happen again

Hairyfairy01 · 15/03/2022 19:44

@LittleOwl153

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks it's OK for a child to walk out of school during the school day.

Our secondary to release ANY child even those close to 17 during the day require an adult to collect. Totally different to them leaving at the end of the day where it is an expected free for all (unless specific arrangements are made for SN etc)

What if they have a dentist appointment and live locally? Would the school still expect them to be picked up? They wouldn't be allowed to leave unless staff saw a parent? How would they even know it was the parent? My DC can sign themselves out at reception when needed.
WyfOfBathe · 15/03/2022 19:47

YANBU at all. I can’t believe people think you are. I teach in a (mainstream) secondary and all students have to be signed out by parents if leaving before the end of the day. As a teacher I would never consider circumventing this rule. It’s a massive safeguarding issue - the parents think the child is at school, the school think he’s with parents, he could be anywhere with anyone. I agree with the PP who said to ask to speak to the safeguarding lead.

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