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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All male colleagues have a Teams channel I'm not on.

113 replies

Choux · 15/03/2022 14:30

My manager is male and all his other direct reports are male. Male dominated industry trying hard to improve the gender balance. Lots of sport esp football talk but generally my colleagues are ok, family oriented blokes.

We wfh most days but go into office together Weds. My manager mailed this morning to all of us to say he wasn't coming to office tomorrow as he was going to the football tomorrow night and couldn't get there in time from the office. (He has a long commute)

Another colleague replied to all to say 'I am coming in still but you all know that as I sent a Teams chat on the subject'. I am not on the Teams chat. It's not clear if my manager is on the Teams chat or not or how often chat is happening on there and what topics are being discussed.

Maybe it's mainly football talk but I'm annoyed at being excluded, him not realising I am excluded and I'm even thinking about all the times over my career I have felt excluded eg hearing the men i sat next to every day in a previous role often went for a beer after work but didn't invite me.

AIBU to start my reply on whether I am going to office tomorrow with 'Which Teams chat is that???'

OP posts:
Movingonup22 · 15/03/2022 14:32

I’d ask that. It’s shit. Even if it is just football it will establish relationships which are effectieve for work

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/03/2022 14:33

I'd come at it from the POV that there was essential information about work you didn't know because it was on the Teams chat.

This is the modern version of male golf clubs. Business is done but you're not there to see it.

ThePlantsitter · 15/03/2022 14:33

That is disgraceful and effectively discrimination and bullying if it is so. However I'd wait a bit to see how others respond to that message, and do a bit of digging so you're not going ballistic over something that isn't what you think it is.

RiverSkater · 15/03/2022 14:36

Exactly what @MrsTerryPratchett said.
😣

SamphiretheStickerist · 15/03/2022 14:38

I would. If they are discussing work there at all then they are excluding you from work issues.

If it's 'just' blokes chatting then they are being sexist.

If you word it right you could really make them squirm 😊

PAFMO · 15/03/2022 14:39

Is it a workplace teams chat he's talking about, or a private teams chat with his mates who he happens to work with,?
I met with friends over teams on Saturday and had I invited my male colleagues they'd have been a little bemused.

girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 14:41

I would say you didn't realise there was a Teams group for your team and ask to be invited.

Clymene · 15/03/2022 14:42

@PAFMO

Is it a workplace teams chat he's talking about, or a private teams chat with his mates who he happens to work with,? I met with friends over teams on Saturday and had I invited my male colleagues they'd have been a little bemused.
He said 'you all know that' so I'm guessing by all he means the whole team. Well except for the op who appears to have been excluded because she has a vagina.
balalake · 15/03/2022 14:58

I think your suggestion is a good one.

Original poster
Choux · 15/03/2022 15:04

I'd wait a bit to see how others respond to that message, and do a bit of digging so you're not going ballistic over something that isn't what you think it is.

It's been 2 hours since the mention of a teams chat. Everyone has since replied (with some kind of football reference in their message and a bit of piss taking of the Chelsea fan) apart from my manager and another colleague who seems to be in the office a bit less than weekly (although we have another building too so maybe he sometimes sits there instead with his team.

We are all managing teams who do interrelated work but probably only need to talk to each other about work when something has gone wrong. So I doubt there is much necessary work talk going on on the teams chat. And I can't tell if there is an ongoing teams chat or if he sent a one off group chat to the others saying 'what are you doing? I'm still going in'.

I'm just sick of 20 plus years of occasional discoveries I've been excluded, paranoia that working relationships were being built when I wasn't around, jobs, promotions etc were being discussed and people were being helped into them because they were mates etc. I feel compared to the majority of my male colleagues from twenty years ago I have underachieved. Maybe part of it is that they were more driven but I think a part of it is that the workplace is still stacked against women.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 15:07

What's your relationship like with them? Is it light enough for you to say "did you miss me out of the group chat by accident or is it an all boys club?"

sillysmiles · 15/03/2022 15:22

Please call them on it!

ThePlantsitter · 15/03/2022 15:22

Yes then I think your question is perfect. Especially if the conversation has since moved on. You're entitled to feel pissed off about this.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 15/03/2022 15:28

Call them out! Bunch of twats

Original poster
Choux · 15/03/2022 15:30

Aaagh I'm second guessing it now. To bring it up on a Reply all mail three hours after it was said seems a bit... I don't know, aggressive? Especially as I don't know if it's an ongoing chat channel or it was set up this morning and only has three messages on it about going to the office tomorrow.

But I will be cross with myself if I never mention it.

Options
1 at the end of my mail re tomorrow say PS I didn't know there was a teams chat...am I missing out on anything?
2 mail / message just the person who referred to it and ask
3 wait till we are all next in the office and bring it up then.

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 15/03/2022 15:34
  1. Address it head on. Next team meeting or similar, raise the issue as an example of inadvertent discrimination. But properly raise it using all the jargon, ie don't just have a moan. And make sure it is minuted. Is there a senior person responsible for the gender balance issues? 8nclude them top.
Movingonup22 · 15/03/2022 15:34

Dickheads - this kind of exclusion is toxic

Herhereherhere · 15/03/2022 15:35

Do it. Also work in a male dominated industry. Don’t go ballistic. Calm. ‘What chat is this? Can I be included if you are discussing work availability on it?’

Clymene · 15/03/2022 15:39

I'd speak to your manager. He is part of a group chat which excludes you and discusses work-related issues.

AlisonDonut · 15/03/2022 15:43

'I always though the first rule of all male teams chats is you don't talk about all male teams chats, as it can get you in hot water with discrimination claims. Good to have it in writing though, thanks.'

Original poster
Choux · 15/03/2022 15:51

@Clymene

I'd speak to your manager. He is part of a group chat which excludes you and discusses work-related issues.
But I don't know if it does talk about work related stuff. I also don't know if my manager is on it. Hence why it's bringing back all my insecurities and hurts from years ago.

It could be nothing but unless I question it I will never know.

I'm not sure if my manager is also an excluder. I would have said he wasn't but a couple of weeks ago someone in a related team was visiting from another city but was at our second building. My colleagues were asking if I would go over for a drink after work and I was on the fence as it was near the other building ie wrong direction for my journey home. They were similar. At the end of the day my manager just got up and left to go to the other building for drinks and didn't even ask if I was going. Maybe the others had told him I was on the fence / didn't want to go but it didn't feel very inclusive.

OP posts:
Clymene · 15/03/2022 15:57

Men exclude women. Even if they don't mean to. I would ask him about it.

SallyWD · 15/03/2022 15:59

Haven't read the whole thread but how do you know there's a group you've been excluded from? My manager and I message each other on Teams chat but just as 2 individuals, not in a group.

girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 16:02

@SallyWD

Haven't read the whole thread but how do you know there's a group you've been excluded from? My manager and I message each other on Teams chat but just as 2 individuals, not in a group.
When you say you haven't read the whole thread do you mean you literally read the title? The OP answers your questions.
SallyWD · 15/03/2022 16:09

Yes I read the OP but Teams chat is just a messaging service on Teams. Just because one employee messaged the boss on Teams Chat it doesn't necessarily mean there's a group chat that OP is excluded from. As I said, me and my boss message each other 1 to 1 on Teams Chat all the time.

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