To be in pieces over the death of my dog?

[aibusux2u]

We knew the time was coming. She was 15, and had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer earlier this year. We were fortunate really because we had over a month to make a real fuss of her and give her lots of extra treats and attention. We had to have her PTS on Sunday, but we were lucky as she was still full of beans until 36 hours beforehand, and even in the last bit of time she did not seem distressed or in too much pain, just very tired and weak.

But my husband and I are in pieces. I keep picturing how I held her head as she passed. I was the last thing she saw and although I made sure I smiled, the tears were flowing too and I hope that didn't scare her. My husband was holding her too and he said she was calm but I feel guilty for letting some tears escape while she was still with us.

And now everywhere feels so empty. We donated her bed and everything to the animal rescue centre yesterday. The house feels all wrong without her. She was such a huge part of our lives for such a long time. I keep thinking I hear her walking around or barking, and expecting her to come trotting up behind me when I prepare meals.

Everything just feels like the joy has been sucked out and there is no point in anything. Which is crazy as there is so much worse going on in the world, and we're blessed to have our children (who seem remarkably unfazed by all this), and she was "just a dog".

Any tips for getting past this? When does it get easier? I did not expect it to hit so hard.

OP, I'm so sorry, it's just awful and I've been there, it really hurts. When we had to put our dog to sleep we also had the guilt of thinking we were taking his life, but he was ill and in pain so, really, we set him free from that and gave him peace. I had to remind myself that he lived such a good life and was so loved, he never wanted for anything and had as much fuss and as many cuddles as any dog could want. The three of us were a pack, we all adored each other and showed it.

Like you and your partner, we held him as he died and he died looking at me. Even now, 17 years later, writing this brings a lump to my throat. When he died it was like something had been torn from my heart and I was inconsolable for weeks. It felt like I was both very ill and going insane at the same time. I've never felt anything like it before or since, not for friends and not for family. All I could do was to keep reminding myself of what a good life he'd had and that we'd been able to give him the gift of freedom from pain. The grief doesn't go but it slowly softens and eventually you can think of them or look at photos without feeling overwhelmed.

I'll tell you a little story, a dream I had some years before we lost him. In the dream, me and OH were dead and we found ourselves standing on a light-emitting causeway surrounded by darkness and there was light ahead. As I came to, I realised there was a young man standing between us and I asked him who he was and he said our dog's name, to which I replied 'Ah, of course you are'. The young man was an angel sent to guide us, but only for a little time. That dream still comforts me.

Big hugs, @aibusux2u, there are many here who know how it feels to lose such a friend.

So sorry for your loss @aibusux2u

They are absolutely a huge part of the family and take up so much space in the house and in your heart.

It will get easier-and I am sure you did absolutely the right thing for your darling dog-you mustn't let any guilt cloud your grief. She needed you to be her advocate and you were.

The loss of much loved pet is so painful. You think you still hear them or see them in their usual places, and feel the loss all over again. Please take comfort from knowing that you gave her the best life with you and you were able to comfort her at the end. .

Oh bless you and to everyone else who's grieving here. It's absolutely heartbreaking losing a pet. When my childhood dog was put to sleep everyone was in tears including the vet. My dad didn't shed a tear over the death of either of his parents but was in pieces over our dog. People who say it's just a pet have obviously never loved or been loved by one. Xx

Grief is grief, whether for people or pets. You just have to work through the stages, there's no real way to avoid the pain, but it does get better eventually.

Some people don't understand how upset we get when we lose our pets, but all of us who have been through it understand only too well.

I was in pieces when we lost our lovely beautiful girl cat a year ago, now her brother is going downhill and I suspect we'll lose him soon too.

She was 16 and he is now 17, and we gave them the best life we could, but it's heartbreaking when they go,

YANBU and I'm so sorry for your loss. It's incredibly hard to lose a loved member of your family.

It’s so hard but she had a life filled with love and they are never ‘just a dog’ they are friends. Sue wasn’t scared at the end because her humans were there and she was tired and wanted a nice nap. Dogs love naps so I getvsye happily went off for a wee sleep. Mine knew as she couldn’t walk one day and the vet said it was time. She looked up as if to say ‘it’s ok I know.’ It gets easier and you will talk about her without crying and laugh about that daft, smelly, fur bag. I promise you just have to get through this hard bit. I tell my husband stories about my idiot dog all the time.

I've had three dogs, each of them lived until well into their teens, and the loss of each one devastated me.

It's nearly 18 months since I lost my last one, and I still sometimes think I've heard her clicky claws on the laminate in the kitchen, or see her out of the corner of my eye.

YANBU, not in the slightest.

Aww, all the stories on here xxx

I had a cat who was pts at 16.8. Had a month with him once the vet said it was near. I kept his bed out for a while, and all his things. His cocoon stayed out until he came back from the vet, as we changed our mind and decided to bury him.

It was hard at the end, as he declined. Keeping that close eye on all changes. He buried his face in me one time, that was looked up online, straight to the vet.

Horrible when he'd gone and they gave me some time with him.

It has been 5 years now and I think of him often still. We are about to meet our new rescue boy, a 3yr old Persian cross. We are very much looking forward to meeting him. I hope I see my first cat in heaven.

So terrible to lose a pet, so sorry x

Hi OP, I'm sorry, I haven't read the full thread yet, but when I lost my beautiful boy (Cat) I discovered rainbow bridge I hope ity can give you some comfort at this time.

I’m so sorry. It’s the hardest part of being a pet owner, but you did not let her suffer. When my last pet had to be pts at just 9 the vet said to me that it’s not longevity that matters but the quality of life that matters to animals.
Your dog was loved every day, knew a comfortable bed, sufficient food and lots of cuddles —- it’s all they ask for. In time you’ll smile at the happy memories you have.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My cat was pts on 22 February and I was bereft the pain was so raw and intense I had to take a day's emergency leave from work. I'm still sad and miss her but time is a healer. One thing that helped me was the blue cross pet bereavement service where you can do a live chat with someone. I found it so helpful to pour out my emotions.

www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

No-one with a dog thinks they’re “just a dog”, we all know they’re family.

I’ve only ever had my cat and 1 hamster put to sleep, I felt so guilty having them PTS even though I’ve come on here to say it’s a privilege to be able to look after our pets in this way and make sure they’re not suffering. But I did feel awful with missing them and feeling like I’d done this to them.

I would just try and distract yourself with a few things. I also printed some pictures and made a collage of cat photos.
Time is the great healer and every day/month that goes past makes it’s less painful.

Awww, I'm sorry you are so blue @aibusux2u and of COURSE YANBU! As has been said, a pet is part of the family, particularly dogs and cats. I love my tabby cat (almost 15) so much, and dread her passing! She is like a cute puppy.

She is old, but still very much a kitten at heart, very playful and loving, and she likes lots of cuddles and hugs, and spends lots of time sitting on mine of DH's lap, or sitting between us on the couch. Some days, she follows me everywhere when I'm in the garden, just purring and mewing, and snuggling against me, and I adore her.

I have to say I have a huge fondness for female cats and dogs. Had 5 or 6 (all male) dogs as a child, and they were lovely, sweet, playful souls. But when I was 13 y.o. we got a female dog, and she was the most affectionate, loving, sweetest, most adorable creature I had ever met. The favourite of all the dogs we had.

I left home at 20 (when she was 7,) not only home, but the town I grew up in too, and I missed her more than any family member! I missed them, but missed her more! I visited quite often and she made a real fuss when she saw me! I moved back to town after 3 years, and she was 10 then. I moved into a flat close to my parents (and doggo!) and saw her most days. At 12, she died. I was devastated. I loved her so much.

Me and DH have always had cats - 3 of them. All female. All loving, affectionate, and cute and playful. Never wander(ed) more than 2 minutes walk from the house either. Never had dogs as our lifestyles would not have been great for dogs. We could not have been able to give a dog the attention, the time, and the life it would have deserved.

Time will heal, but your doggo will always have a place in your heart. She was so lucky to have you.

Oh big hugs for you. It's a terrible decision to make but the kindest and gentlest thing to do. Remember that you 'only' had her as your companion for 15 years (it never feels long enough) but you loved her for the whole of her life. All that love she felt, all that happiness you gave her is a precious thing ❤.

Sorry for your loss OP

If you're on Facebook, I'd recommend joining the Blue Cross Pet Loss Support Community. It's a free, closed group where bereaved pet owners get support from one another. Our much loved 20 year old cat had to be PTS last summer, following a massive seizure. The community brought me comfort when I was struggling. And trust me, no one will say she was 'just a pet.'

They also have a Pet Bereavement Support Service where you can speak to a trained volunteer - I didn't use this service so I can't offer an opinion.

[https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss]

You are not alone. So many of us have suffered so terribly at the loss of a dog. As so many posters have said, it is true grief, comparable to losing a human family member. I do not say that lightly.

You absolutely have taken on her suffering and pain to be yours. You have spared her. I desperately wish that humans could have the same compassion. Your beautiful girl had a good death and you should take comfort in the fact that you helped her when she needed it.
X

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s still so raw and it will take a while to come to terms with it. I lost my lovely dog almost a year ago.

I feel very privileged to have had him in my life for 15 years and to have been loved by him. He was very ill at the end and I was doing him a kindness by letting him go. I still miss him and sometimes get upset when I see similar dogs but I hold onto the love we had for each other and know that I did what he needed in the end and that it was right he should die in my arms as my show of love to him.

Thank you everybody for sharing your stories. I really have appreciated reading every one of your replies.

I'm sorry about your dog OP. They're amazing animals and after 15 years she was a part of the family. There's not much else other than just let time heal wounds. You gave her the best possible life you could and she was loved. You did everything you needed to to give her a good life. Remember that and cherish the happy times you had with her. The memories will bring you comfort in time, even if they seem raw now. x

I am so sorry for your loss, your post brought tears to my eyes. She sounds like a very much loved girl who had a great life. You did your very best by her and the tears you shed were a sign of your love and she would have felt that.

I'm a year on from losing my most amazing boy.

Time. That's all that will help I'm afraid. I was told mine was possibly worse as we lost him due to an accident so there was no warning. I was in shock for days.

Thinking of you. Just awful and anyone who doesn't 'get it' simply hasn't loved them the way you loved them. I definitely grieved my boy harden than I grieved my grandparents or even a friend who died. He spent every day with me by my side.

I think for me the difficulty (and also what helped me make sense of WHY) was - (replace horse with dog/cat)
My horse was my constant. If work was shit or life was shit, or anything went wrong, I would go and hug her and ride and vent all my problems. When she died, it was the shittest thing and my instinct was to go "home" to her but there was no home any more so I was coping with the grief of losing her but also my actual coping mechanism was gone
If that makes any sense

@pawpaws2022

I think for me the difficulty (and also what helped me make sense of WHY) was - (replace horse with dog/cat) My horse was my constant. If work was shit or life was shit, or anything went wrong, I would go and hug her and ride and vent all my problems. When she died, it was the shittest thing and my instinct was to go "home" to her but there was no home any more so I was coping with the grief of losing her but also my actual coping mechanism was gone If that makes any sense

Makes total sense to me.

I literally couldn't' breathe. Every day revolved around my boy.