Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is clearly unreasonable but what do I do now?

240 replies

Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 08:18

DS has a problem with his ear, we’ve been to the GP and it hasn’t resolved.

I’ve managed to get a hospital appointment but it’s some 45 minutes away, with hindsight I know what work are like about time off and I should have called in sick. But I thought because it was health related and for a young child I’d be granted the time off.

They have said no, it’s a school. They just keep saying to rearrange in holiday time or after school.

I think if I lie it could be a disciplinary - I feel so conflicted.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 15/03/2022 15:15

Tell them you want to take a week's parental leave if they won't let you have the time off you need for the appointment. They can delay it but they would have to let you know in writing why it has to be delayed and hopefully they will see how ridiculous they are being.

If there anything you can offer in return for the time, any events they will be wanting staff support for?

You are offering something perfectly reasonable and they are being unfair. As a retired HR manager I find schools very poor in this respect, they seem to think they can treat staff like children.

urbanbuddha · 15/03/2022 15:16

Actual law will trump strict school policy. But I think you should explain to the head that this is exceptional because your DH is abroad that week and ask a colleague to deputise for you at the meeting, recording it if possible.

KissedintheDark · 15/03/2022 15:17

How old is the child?
I was wondering if you could send him via taxi and when he's actually being seen you could nip to the loo or somewhere quiet and FaceTime the doctor [on your dc's phone] to discuss your DC's ailment.

Seraphinesupport · 15/03/2022 15:25

fuck that. i would just do it and screw the consequences

ResurrectionInfinity · 15/03/2022 15:34

Yes, do what you can but ultimately, take the formal warning if that’s what it comes to.

anniewaits1 · 15/03/2022 15:34

I worked in a school like this. And others where they were incredibly decent.

In your situation I would formally request unpaid emergency family leave in writing. You are having no impact on cover and can read up on meeting notes, unless you are chairing the meeting then there are few meetings in teaching that you couldn't catch up on.

And in future you've now learned that honesty does you no favours in an school with so little room for professional discretion.

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 15/03/2022 15:35

Can you offer to go in 30 minutes early or make up the time somehow?

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 15:46

They won’t @goldenlilliesdaffodillies - it’s not the time, it’s just that they are so rigid. I mean I mostly do more than 30 minutes!

OP posts:
goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 15/03/2022 15:49

I am a teacher too and find their approach awful.

flipflopjump · 15/03/2022 15:55

Waiting lists are massive. You can't choose your time slot, NHS hospital clinics don't work like that. This is an appointment for an active problem and your child needs seeing. Ask your boss if they are really expecting you to cancel, because that would be seen as you not prioritising a child's health.

Rosehugger · 15/03/2022 15:59

I'd tell them it's tough, it can't be re-arranged out of term time, they are being unreasonable, my DC is in pain and it can't wait and I'll take the consequences. Then get the union involved and embarrass the crap out of them.

girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 16:00

Did the GP refer DS to the hospital or did you get a hospital appointment because of the private healthcare?

If he hasn't been referred to a specific clinic could you just take him to your local OOH or walk in centre and get him seen tonight?

FairyCakeWings · 15/03/2022 16:04

With respect to the fact that you don’t want to get in to the reasons for the meeting, and possibly couldn’t even if you did want to, the reason for the meeting is relevant here.

For all we know it’s something that, if delayed or not properly attended, could mean that a child in the school has to suffer or go without provision or something else detrimental to them.

I don’t know what the answer is. One one hand, your own children should always come first but on the other, teachers have a responsibility to the children they teach in work hours and that is important too.

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 16:05

How, @FairyCakeWings? I’m not being contentious but how would that mean a child wouldn’t get provision?

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 15/03/2022 16:06

Just go back to the head, day I've tried but it can't be rearranged imminently and I've been advised not to leave it until the Easter holidays because there's a possibility it could result in damage to his ear/hearing. I understand your policy but I have to take my child to an urgent medical appointment and his other parent is working abroad. I am informing you that I will be leaving at x o'clock, I am not teaching during this period and no cover will be required.
In an email.
Then take your child to the hospital. I'd like to see them try and fire you over that

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 16:06

I mean, they aren’t going to say … well this group of children are going to get this support but they can’t as mrs flexibility isn’t here! Grin

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 15/03/2022 16:07

CC your Union rep

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 16:07

I think I am going to do that @RewildingAmbridge although a little gentler. It’s stupid.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 16:07

@Flexibilityofapavingslab

I mean, they aren’t going to say … well this group of children are going to get this support but they can’t as mrs flexibility isn’t here! Grin
Well they might if you're the SENCO or similar
NippyNippy · 15/03/2022 16:08

What would happen if the DC with the ear problem was too poorly for school that day?you obviously don't have any other child care options for a sick child due to DH legitimately being out of the country ...

Rosehugger · 15/03/2022 16:09

@RewildingAmbridge

Just go back to the head, day I've tried but it can't be rearranged imminently and I've been advised not to leave it until the Easter holidays because there's a possibility it could result in damage to his ear/hearing. I understand your policy but I have to take my child to an urgent medical appointment and his other parent is working abroad. I am informing you that I will be leaving at x o'clock, I am not teaching during this period and no cover will be required. In an email. Then take your child to the hospital. I'd like to see them try and fire you over that
That's a much more sensible version of what I said. Do that!
Blackberrybunnet · 15/03/2022 16:11

You are entitled to take unpaid leave from a school. I know, because I have done it. You only need to take a half day off. You will lose less than a half day's pay because NI and tax will be slightly less for that month. The school cannot stop you from taking unpaid leave. If the Head won't grant it, you can go next level up.

FairyCakeWings · 15/03/2022 16:40

@Flexibilityofapavingslab

How, *@FairyCakeWings*? I’m not being contentious but how would that mean a child wouldn’t get provision?
Just off the top of my head, I could see a situation at my school where something like an EP observation/assessment for a child would be rearranged if their usual class teacher was going to be unavailable, meaning that any provision the EP put in place would be delayed until the appointment could happen properly.

I’m in the more fortunate position that staff and SLT at my school would do their best to be facilitate both appointments if at all possible, and it is shit that your school aren’t at least trying to be supportive.

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 16:47

That wouldn’t be a whole staff meeting though @FairyCakeWings, that would be easy enough to rearrange.

OP posts:
NippyNippy · 15/03/2022 16:55

You also have the argument that those 30 minutes could potentially save having to take many days off with a poorly child between now and half term if the condition worsens during the wait. The Head is really cutting their nose off to spite their face here.