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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is clearly unreasonable but what do I do now?

240 replies

Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 08:18

DS has a problem with his ear, we’ve been to the GP and it hasn’t resolved.

I’ve managed to get a hospital appointment but it’s some 45 minutes away, with hindsight I know what work are like about time off and I should have called in sick. But I thought because it was health related and for a young child I’d be granted the time off.

They have said no, it’s a school. They just keep saying to rearrange in holiday time or after school.

I think if I lie it could be a disciplinary - I feel so conflicted.

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 15/03/2022 14:18

If it's anything like most hospital appointments I've been to they'll be running at least 30 mins late anyway. Can you ring the clinic and see if you can just turn up later?

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 14:20

We have a meeting after school is the problem. It’s not important but my absence would be noted.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 14:23

@Flexibilityofapavingslab

We have a meeting after school is the problem. It’s not important but my absence would be noted.
Is attendance at the meeting essential?
Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 14:24

It’s not really why I’m posting, tbh.

OP posts:
theresapossuminthekitchen · 15/03/2022 14:30

If anyone is wondering why teachers are hard to retain in the profession (and the waste of taxpayers money paying bursaries and training costs for an average of 40% leaving within 5 years...) this gives some indication of what many schools have become. I consider myself lucky in my current school - staff are treated with trust and respect - but I have worked in a few that are as described here. The holidays are great, and I save a fortune in holiday childcare, for example. But for a postgraduate qualified profession, there is very little of the usual expectations. People saying 'make up your hours' or 'work through your lunch' - I guarantee the OP will already be working more than her contracted hours and won't have a 'lunch hour' either. As I say, there are plus sides of teaching, and it's not only teachers who face employment 'challenges' by a long shot, but lack of flexibility in time off is a big downside.

girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 14:30

Why are you posting then? Because you've asked what you do now and people are trying to help and you're being vague and dismissive.

Ultimately you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and if you don't want to challenge your employer (I understand why from other threads from teachers here) rearrange the appointment for a time when your husband can attend.

Mumdiva99 · 15/03/2022 14:30

It's not illegal for them to refuse. It would have to be compassionate leave.

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 14:31

Thanks @Mumdiva99

I don’t really want to get into a discussion about the meeting or how essential it is.

OP posts:
ChoiceMummy · 15/03/2022 14:32

@Flexibilityofapavingslab

DS has a problem with his ear, we’ve been to the GP and it hasn’t resolved.

I’ve managed to get a hospital appointment but it’s some 45 minutes away, with hindsight I know what work are like about time off and I should have called in sick. But I thought because it was health related and for a young child I’d be granted the time off.

They have said no, it’s a school. They just keep saying to rearrange in holiday time or after school.

I think if I lie it could be a disciplinary - I feel so conflicted.

You're entitled to emergency time off as a carer. Assuming that your absences were for your covid, I'd be pushing for the time off for you as carer.

Sadly many schools are very inflexible, especially if you're not in the right clique.

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/03/2022 14:33

What would you be doing in that lesson? Is it something that you could make up for? For example marking or prep?

Would they allow you to take your lunch at the end of the day or make up the 30 minutes at the end of the day?

Have you suggested unpaid leave? I don’t work in a school so don’t know how these things work.

girlmom21 · 15/03/2022 14:33

@Flexibilityofapavingslab

Thanks *@Mumdiva99*

I don’t really want to get into a discussion about the meeting or how essential it is.

A discussion isn't needed but if it's essential or you're being paid for it you have to attend.

If it's not officially part of your working day or you can skip it then you don't have to.

You obviously know your workplace. None of us do. We're just trying to help.

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/03/2022 14:34

Sorry just read that you have a meeting

Cocomarine · 15/03/2022 14:38

Are you in the U.K.?
You saying that you’ve managed to get a hospital appointment doesn’t sound like usual NHS procedure?

I’m actually - maybe - on side of the school, as you haven’t given much detail.

I think their policy is fine, but I think they should make exceptions where needed. It’s no clear how much of an impact the ear problem is. You said you can have an appointment two weeks later? So is this private? I think if it’s not a big impact to your son and you only have to wait 2 weeks, this isn’t necessarily an exception I’d make.

Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 14:45

I’ve actually opted for private healthcare but the nearest childrens Nuffield is a long way away. I went for this one because there was no impact for cover, I wish I’d just taken the day off!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flexibilityofapavingslab · 15/03/2022 14:46

Two weeks is quite a long time when you have a child in pain, though, as you can probably appreciate (especially when they sleep badly because of it!)

OP posts:
LadyLindaT · 15/03/2022 14:52

In my experience, paradoxically, the most unsupportive workplace for mothers of small children is a school. I understand that there must be someone in front of a class, but they seem to show no mercy or flexibility when your own child is ill.

AngelinaFibres · 15/03/2022 14:53

I was a teacher. When my sons were small I worked in a lovely primary school where they were very accommodating about medical appointments for children of staff. There was an understanding that you only booked an appointment in school hours if it was an emergency or there was absolutely no alternative.It worked really well and was a godsend to me as a single parent with a child with type 1 diabetes. Everyone understood that it was something not to be messed with or taken advantage of. Unfortunately a new member of staff arrived .She had a 1 year old child. At its worst she was off for at least one day every week. In the end we all got a letter from the governors saying that unless our child had been taken to hospital as an inpatient in an emergency we were not allowed any time off for any appointments whatsoever. She basically ballsed it up for everyone. Perhaps Ops school have found themselves in a similar situation in the past and have decided that a blanket no is easier than saying yes to some and no to others.

Calennig · 15/03/2022 14:58

workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/can-i-take-time-off-work-for-my-childs-medical-or-other-appointments/

If you know in advance about your child’s appointments, it is unlikely to be considered as an emergency. However, if at any time there is a breakdown in care arrangements (i.e. you are the sole carer for your daughter and you cannot make alternative arrangements for her to be cared for), then it may be reasonable for you to have this time off if it is necessary.

You could try arguing this - you are the sole carer in the UK - so it's reasonable to take time off as emergency.

But it doesn't look like Parental Leave will help either.

Getting your Union behind you to see if they can be made to be more flexiable is probably best bet - as it looks as if legally they can say no - though I'd still go and then deal with any blow back later as they may not go as far as displine offense - but it would be a risk.

It does sound mad though that in future it will be better to just take the entire day off.

implantreplace · 15/03/2022 14:59

The irony is that they’ve not exactly got you at your most productive today with the mumsnet posting on the hour

They should have just let you take the time off!

Disneyblueeyes · 15/03/2022 15:02

I'm sorry but school are being unreasonable. Health always comes first. You should take your son to that appointment.
If it was an emergency, what would they do?

Could you contact governors? I don't see why you can't take it unpaid.
Also if you call in sick, on what grounds can they discipline you? Would you have to take a sick bucket in for proof?

Satsumaeater · 15/03/2022 15:02

@Flexibilityofapavingslab

It’s nothing to do with cover, I’m not teaching. They are just very insistent that all appointments must be made outside school hours.
But it is outside school hours. And hospital appointments are when you get them, it's not like a routine dental appointment.

Just say to the head that your child's health comes first and you intend to take it as unpaid parental/emergency leave. And join a union if you are not already a member!

The head won't sack you. And a formal warning - meh. So what. So it might come up on a reference. So you say "I got a warning because I left 30 mins early because my son had an important medical appointment". Any prospective employer who thought worse of you wouldn't be worth working for.

Just go, OP.

Nicklebox · 15/03/2022 15:02

I think its very important that you keep the appointment i could be something serious if you have to cancel i would take him to a and e this evening. someone died recently from a neglected ear infection that got into the brain.

Disneyblueeyes · 15/03/2022 15:04

@Flexibilityofapavingslab

Two weeks is quite a long time when you have a child in pain, though, as you can probably appreciate (especially when they sleep badly because of it!)
It is a very long time, and that policy is rubbish. I'd be inclined to risk the warning myself, if it meant I could get my child seen to. Sounds like a terrible school to work at if you're a parent anyway. Not helpful really I know, but still. Screw them.
Disneyblueeyes · 15/03/2022 15:05

Oh and for context, I work as a teacher in a school. I'd be kicking up a massive fuss if it was me.

ExConstance · 15/03/2022 15:08

You are entitled to unpaid family responsibility leave. Take it and tell them that. your union will support you if there are repercussions. If you were to be disciplined and it went against you it would be possible to take the matter to an employment tribunal where discrimination against you in relation to a protected characteristic could lead to an unlimited penalty. They would not do that.