To ask for your best retorts when told to smile

[tympanic]

I'm over it. I even get it from my husband. Not my fault I have resting bitch face. I know the hive will have some witty retorts so let's have them.

If it was a my husband I would say "speak to my solicitor, we're done"
Otherwise its "fck off shrimp dck"

I just hold eye contact for a little too long. No other expressions, just take the eye contact a little over the uncomfortable line. People hate that.

I tell them my mum has just died. Leave them to have the guilt

I was smiling till I saw you. You haven't given me a reason to. Why should I. I feel no need to smile for your benefit. Give me a reason to. Oh, I only smile for people I genuinely like. .... Just a little brainstorm. Or do a really wide sarcastic smile and then immediately drop it

I find "Bloody shan't" to be quite an effective response...

Someone told me to smile once and I told them my FIL had just died. Wiped the snarky grin from their face

I remember walking home from work after being told my dad had died and a man telling me to “cheer up”.

It felt so intrusive as I was holding it together.
Obviously not really well.

I had no response but it always made me aware that we don’t know what’s going on with others.

I'm a vindictive bitch when I choose to be. If my husband kept saying smile to me, I'd make a point of saying it to him every single time he was not smiling. I'd keep it up until he well and truly got the point. At a minimum I'd be aiming for a solid week of it. Depending on how pissed I was, I'd even randomly text "smile" during the day, just to ram it home more.

Strangers - i only smile for good looking people. To be frank, you aren't worth the wrinkles.

Alternatively, very contemptuously, "oh do fuck off"

Honestly I go straight back with get fucked. I don’t need a witty retort or put down for them. It’s tiresome, so I cut to the chase & say what I think. People have no idea what someone may be going through, they should mind their own business.

How about a simple, “why?” in an innocent questioning tone.

Any response on their part, should help the mildly intelligent, to see how inappropriate their request was in the first place.

@BrickingIt44

Do what they do in Broad City - stick your middle fingers up then use them to push the corners of your mouth up. That or do a crazy Joker-type grin.

Love Broad City!!!

No need to be rude. Someone may be concerned about you.

Why the need to be rude or aggressive?

"Get to fuck" works for me. Once I did ask them who they thought they were to barge into my day with such utter drivel of an opinion regarding how my face should look. Arseholes.

Thankfully I'm approaching the age of becoming invisible to those who insist on telling women to smile so it isn't as much of an issue. The silver lining

@Dnaltocs surely if someone is concerned they'd simply ask if I'm ok, not a "smile love, it might never happen"
"Oh that'd be a pretty face if it didn't look so miserable"
"Your day would probably be better if you smiled, pet"
"Men like smiley girls, why not give it a go"
Etc.

‘What?’
‘Don’t be a dick’
‘Fuck off’
‘Who the fuck are you? The smile police?’

Break down in tears, if you can.

@Bearyhumcrack

Usually a "why don't you go fuck yourself", or an aggressive "what did you fucking say" puts them off their stroke.

Handily, these two phrases work for any "heckle" so I don't have to worry about being spontaneous.

Be careful with aggression. I was in a city centre pub with a female friend one saturday afternoon and she used 'what did you fucking say?'. The bloke flew at us with both fists up! I thought I was going to be seriously hurt. It was terrifying.

Fuck off and don’t speak to me! I rarely curse, about once a month, so when I do I really mean it.

@ItsNotJustCharlieWhoSeesYou

If it's a stranger look slightly over the top of their head and whisper into your sleeve MI5 style "hold fire!...I repeat, hold fire, it's not the target!"

I am going to shamelessly use this! Repeatedly!

“Give the man a hug, Dad.” Said I

Brilliant!

@MrFsAunt

Have you got dodgy gnashers then Tom?

I do, but it's more about not wanting to look like Bela Lugosi.

Trying to think of a good retort.
How about
"I was smiling until i saw you"
or
"... until you said that"
?

Look him straight in the eye, Smile sweetly and say “Fuck off!”

I once hissed, like a cat, at a man who told me to smile. It was at a house party in my 20s, I was quite drunk.

Best sober daylight response I've heard of is a friend of mine who responded to every "Smile!" with "Dance!" It confused the hell out of men apparently. Always wanted to put it into practice myself but big headphones tend to mean I don't clock anyone telling me to smile in the first place.

@gannett

I once hissed, like a cat, at a man who told me to smile. It was at a house party in my 20s, I was quite drunk.

Best sober daylight response I've heard of is a friend of mine who responded to every "Smile!" with "Dance!" It confused the hell out of men apparently. Always wanted to put it into practice myself but big headphones tend to mean I don't clock anyone telling me to smile in the first place.

I like the "Dance" one

How about :

"You never said Simon Says"