To ask for your best retorts when told to smile

[tympanic]

I'm over it. I even get it from my husband. Not my fault I have resting bitch face. I know the hive will have some witty retorts so let's have them.

Oh unless it's a friend or family member with a camera .... then smile is a legitimate request. So also if someone says this, I usually do my exaggerated smile grimace 😬 and ask "where's the camera?" whilst moving my head around pretending to look for it.

Can you practice something like this?

I think this belongs here

If it's a stranger, I look at them as if they're shit on my shoe and just say "no". Luckily it's only occasional!

If it's someone I know, I'm a lot politer and try and wave them off or say "not a good time, sorry" or similar.

Depends on mood, either a resounding 'Fuck Off' or an ironic smile while showing them THE finger.

Nothing, I don't give them the attention they're clearly craving. Witty retorts and banter just feed these type of wankers.

Oh bless you old boy. Are you feeling lonely today?

@TomPinch

You'd regret saying that if I did.

Have you got dodgy gnashers then Tom?

I don't usually bother to respond - why should I? However I have perfected the raised eyebrow... And looking straight at them with a completely blank expression and the raised eyebrow tends to shut them up. It usually makes them feel rather silly.

“Fuck off”

Or, I just give them the filthiest look I can muster.

I don’t think witty retorts work. Best to just ignore.

"Have you considered that it is your presence that is preventing me from smiling?"

I haven’t done this but my ideal response would be along the lines of “Thanks for the reminder, I’m glad you’re on the case - there’s a man over there, fiftyish, balding, blue top - not smiling at all! You better go and help him now”

Honestly, I've never read a retort to this that's in any way witty. And even if it were, what's the point? I don't suppose the aim is to make the other person laugh, and if its to put them down, it won't work. People (men) who tell women to smile are generally fairly confident and incorrigible, so it would be water off a ducks back. The aim of telling a woman to smile is usually to engage her and get her attention, so any response is a reward. I'm sure they'd be delighted to think that women were putting this much effort into planning their responses. Just ignore them. They're irrelevant to your life so act accordingly. As for your H, just ask him to stop saying it.

If it's a stranger in the street, I say "no sorry, I don't have any change" (as if I assumed they were a homeless man asking for money and I misheard them).

Takes them down a peg or two that they think I've assumed they look homeless

usually say no

if it was my husband i would still say no im married to you.....

"I'm practicing my wrinkle aversion therapy"

I'd say that every single time until whoever is insisting on the smiles gets the memo on just how tedious it is 🥱

@MrFsAunt

If I decide to say anything back it's normally 'you first?' That tends to flummox them.

I like this.

I once had an idiot say this to me while I was stood outside the hospital. He was in uniform so maybe a porter or something. Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough to think of a retort.

Do the most manically wide grin you can manage.

It's a shame you don't have some convincing false vampire teeth.

"Why? Are you leaving?" With a raised eyebrow usually makes someone scuttle off!

"Fuck off".

Clearly, they then think I'm the rude bitch, but honestly I can't be bothered with that. It hasn't happened to me in a while, probably because I'm getting older and fatter. But it infuriated me when I was younger. I'm not from this country and it wasn't something that I'd ever experienced before I came here.

I agree that witty retorts are just embarrassing and never as clever or witty as people think they are.

That said, I laughed my head off when a friend was told to smile and she yelled STRANGER DANGER at the top of her lungs.

@alittlebitofbread

I had someone say this to me just after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. His face was a picture when I told him. Bet he doesn't say it again to random people who he knows nothing about. It really upset me the twat

Sorry to hear this, I hope everything works out for you/has worked out