(Namechanged to avoid further bananas behaviour)
Separated from ex husband 11 years ago. Been with partner for 10 years and have two DC by ex- 16&14yold.
To cut a very long story short - Ex has what I reckon is a personality disorder. He's been diagnosed with both severe clinical depression and bi-polar in past, but because of his behaviour, it's hard to know what's true and what's been embellished as he LOVES the dramaaaa.
The past 11 years have been pretty hairy - lots of girlfriends, only one of which stuck around for any real time - no job, mental health rollercoaster, unsettled and struggling on the whole. Lots of anger towards me and my partner. Periods of being very unreliable with contact, but until they were teens, they wanted to see him when he was able to take them, and for spells he was better. You could be certain that the good spells wouldn't last though, and usually it was no money to see them (no job for 10 years), or too ill - both physically and mentally. Most of the effort he made with them was on social media - Loads of daily texts/messages. I'd see his texts and they were embarrassingly - all teenage 'yo girlfiend!' jargon and trying to be 'one of them' - desperately compensation for a lack of real parenting. He still believes that they have a 'magical relationship' (according to his enormous ranting emails).
Fast fwd to covid - lockdown, and eldest's mental health declined and turned out she was self harming. Obviously got her help/support and in talking to counsellor she opened up about her dad and how she was struggling to deal with him - she'd go for the weekend and he'd stay in bed, his moods would be up and down, and she hated his girlfriend, who he split from but was still on the scene. Lots came out she'd never told me. This also triggered conversations with my youngest who felt similarly about her discomfort when staying with him. When lockdown eased off there was a decision to be made about going for Xmas and they eventually said they'd go (it was his turn). I got a call on xmas day asking to be picked up - his behaviour was unstable (lots of gaslighting and 'you hate me etc' - all the things he used to do to me) and it frightened them. After that everything changed - they stopped wanting to see him and they spoke much more about how they felt uncomfortable and unsafe (not in a physical sense, but in the sense that he'd put them in risky situations and didn't take care of them properly).
Because he has so much resentment against me, the kids not wanting to see him anymore has caused an increase in friction. Lots of emails demanding contact, calling me every name under the sun, and he refuses to believe it's their decision - I must have manipulated them blahblah. He pestered them on social media to the extent they blocked him and has refused to take their very valid concerns on board. We've all now blocked him on all platforms and moved home, not telling him our new address. He lives about 30mins away and turned up at their school with letters for them, which school refused to give them. They have regular nightmare about seeing him and I'm arranging counselling as it's really affected them, causing anxiety and stress. Despite this, since they stopped seeing him, my eldest has stopped self harming and got straight As in her prelims.
Today I got a letter (at my work) from a solicitor saying he's concerned about his children's welfare and that we need to put the youngest (he can't do anything about eldest as she's over 16) back in touch with him immediately. They requested a response from our solicitor.
AIBU to toss that shit in the bin and just keep ploughing onward - or does he stand a chance in court? Surely you can't force a 14 year old to do anything they don't want to do! She's adamant she doesn't want to see him and turned down an offer of mediation.