I just been told off by my manager for walking across the office with a sanitary towel in my hand!

[TinLeaf]

This afternoon my manager call me into her office. Apparently, a couple of people have spoken to her because I sometimes walk to the office toilets carrying a sanitary towel and it’s making them uncomfortable. She has suggested I take my bag with me instead.

I thought times had moved on and I refuse to be made to feel ashamed of my period. I think the people who have complained are being ridiculous and need to get over it. Aibu?

@Sswhinesthebest We're not changing our pad in the middle of the floor though. We're moving to the toilet with one small item in hand wrapped in plastic.

Do we actually need to explain the difference between holding sanpro and farting? Really?

I would never go with a sanitary towel in my hand in public: office, relative’s of friend’s house but it doesn’t matter. I also never wear white blouses, eat sushi or cycle because I’m not comfortable doing all these things. OP is comfortable walking through the office holding a sanitary towel so she does it. Why on Earth her colleagues spend their working time looking where OP’s going and what she’s holding???? It is the question her manager should ask.
No way my DH would notice what I have in my hand walking through the room when he’s busy working, the same when he’s in the office.

This is ridiculous. In my work for security reasons we tend to not bring bags into main office (huge list of stuff we can't bring in). One high up manager decided all meds inc pain relief like brufen/paracetamol needed to be ran past him & reasons why noted. He had so many calls after email went out from female staff checking if he really was okay with know when we were menstruating because we were happy to share for security reasons. He retracted it pretty damn quick.

But back to the "taking a bag" to loo. Only bags I take are my wee lunch bag which has my lunch/snacks in it and my laptop bag. Both would scream I'm on the blob far more than having a pad in my hand. No one takes a bag to the loo in my office.

Definitely email and check. Get it in writing. Suspect said manager might be reluctant to do so.

Is there any need to walk around with it in full view! Just put it in a pocket or take your bag with you.

Just manners.Sadly lacking in this case.

Going against the grain but I can’t say I walk across the workplace floor carrying my sanitary products. It’s not embarrassing, it’s just personal. I also wouldn’t carry my bra/ knickers to the toilet if I was getting changed for example (I’d put them in a bag or something). I also wouldn’t apply deodorant in front of my colleagues for example - it’s not embarrassing, just unnecessary to do in front of colleagues. There are a lot of standards that seem to have fallen away these days though. I see young women plucking their eyebrows in the middle of the office, coming to work with wet hair after washing it in the morning, men changing a top in the office flashing their chest, people walking around eating a bag of crops whilst working. Fine for many, I just wouldn’t and couldn’t 😆

I am ancient & thank goodness no longer have periods1(YAY!!!)
When I had my first periods you went into the chemists & had to sidle up to the counter & hiss out the corner of your mouth that you needed sts (they were those horrible things with loops that you attached to a sanitary belt - fun, not) you would then be given them in a brown paper bag. So blinking obvious as nothing else was packed that way.
Although I, like most of my generation, would always hide them - I actually applaud treating it as insignificant & everyday, which is as it should be.
Don't speak to her - send her a very polite email along the lines of "just to confirm that you have told me that I have to hide my ST when I go to the toilet as it makes some men (?) uncomfortable.
I find this strange that you took notice of something which obviously discriminates against women. Because even if I were to carry my pad in paper bag or make up bag its fairly obvious what it is & I believe that women should no longer have to hide a completely natural part of their life. Obviously we are talking of a new unused towel!

I also can't understand people who are saying you're advertising your period or making a show of it. Sanitary pads are small. Why are people looking closely enough at the OP walking towards the toilets to notice what she's carrying in her hand?? If she were carrying a massive box of them, or rustling the plastic/flapping out a rhythm on her hand, or in any other way drawing attention to herself, maybe they'd have a point. But she's just walking to the toilet!! At most, this should cause the people she passes to glance up for a split second. Anything longer is a bit weird - why are they looking. If the split second is long enough to notice and identify the thing in her hand as a sanitary pad, then look back down and pretend you never saw. This whole thing is ridiculous.

@TheKeatingFive

Anyone seen an individual walking through an office, auditorium, bar, restaurant etc with a colostomy bag or breast pump, even a condom?

I'm not sure what point you think you're making with your first two examples. Should people using a colostomy bag be expected to pretend they don't? Isn't that incredibly ablest?

I've not seen a colostomy bag but I have seen people with portable oxygen machines, wound dressings, missing limbs, disabilities, deformities that can't be hidden?

Is this undignified?

But would it not be like me walking through the office with my Tena lady or a man who had prostate issues, with his incontinence pads? There’s no shame in any of these bodily functions but I want to keep some things private!

I can’t believe the women who are ‘fuming’ over this. What charmed lives you must lead. Op stick the pad up your sleeve and stop being such a drama queen. Are you really going to kick off at work over something so ridiculous, laugh it off and forget it. My mum uses tena lady but she doesn’t advertise the fact to all and sundry even though bladder leakage is perfectly normal. Everyone is different. Yes periods are perfectly normal but so is a bout of diarrhea and you wouldn’t walk through the office advertising you are about to have a runny shit would you??

Would you carry a tissue on a boat to Manila? Would you take paracetamol in view of a church? Would you apply lip balm on a biplane above Crewe? Show some vague unspecified etiquette!

I also wouldn’t carry my bra/ knickers to the toilet if I was getting changed for example (I’d put them in a bag or something). I also wouldn’t apply deodorant in front of my colleagues for example - it’s not embarrassing, just unnecessary to do in front of colleagues. There are a lot of standards that seem to have fallen away these days though

None of these are anyway equivalent though (speaking as someone whose never changed a bra at work).

The equivalent would be something like carrying a loo roll to the bathroom if for some reason the office ran out. Would you just hold that in your hand or would you feel the need to put it in a bag and witter about 'standards'?

My colleague has a stoma. He doesn't walk to the loo with a replacement bag on show. Doesn't mean he's ashamed of it.

I am not embarrassed to use tampons, but I think toilet functions belong in the toilet. I wouldn't leave my tampons out on my desk ready to take to the loo. I will walk to the loo with a tampon in my hand, but I won't be holding it aloft. People on here might well bend over backwards to be declaring themselves pc, but in reality, every woman I know likes a bit of dignity and privacy.

I have only sons btw. They have grown up with tampons on show in the loos and now they're young adults, they don't bat an eyelid at buying tampons for me. But would I go out for lunch with them and their mates and make a show of getting a tampon out of my bag? No.

@Cloudhopping

But would it not be like me walking through the office with my Tena lady or a man who had prostate issues, with his incontinence pads? There’s no shame in any of these bodily functions but I want to keep some things private!

Why would you complain if someone else did it if you don't think it's shameful though? Of course, you don't have to want to carry these things around, but OP is within her right to feel comfortable doing so. You can put them in your bag and OP and carry one in her hand. Both are acceptable.

Yes periods are perfectly normal but so is a bout of diarrhea and you wouldn’t walk through the office advertising you are about to have a runny shit would you??

How would you even advertise that? Do tell?

@Clarabe1

I can’t believe the women who are ‘fuming’ over this. What charmed lives you must lead. Op stick the pad up your sleeve and stop being such a drama queen. Are you really going to kick off at work over something so ridiculous, laugh it off and forget it. My mum uses tena lady but she doesn’t advertise the fact to all and sundry even though bladder leakage is perfectly normal. Everyone is different. Yes periods are perfectly normal but so is a bout of diarrhea and you wouldn’t walk through the office advertising you are about to have a runny shit would you??

Maybe I've worked with too many men but I've heard lurid stories about shits and absence of shits galore.

@TheKeatingFive they’re equivalent to me because they’re that aren’t embarrassing but that I still do in private. I used to change my underwear because right used the gym at work at one point and would go into sports bra etc but I would just carry my things to the toilet discreetly. The same as sanitary products.

but I won't be holding it aloft.

Did anyone say they're holding it 'aloft'? Is that like 'wafting'?

@TheKeatingFive
I doubt it's something one would want to advertise. I am not saying it's shameful but there is no need to broadcast it. Why does EVERYTHING have to be on the table, out there, no discretion?
Do you fart in the office, on public transport, in shops? I'm not in favour of the loud and proud brigade who want everything to be acceptable even if it causes embarrassment to others.

Also mentioned thread to DP who was like WTF seriously? Blokes complained about a pad/tampon in someone's hand? They need to grow up women have periods.

He also loved the idea of rollerblading across office belting out the body form song but you must remember the woooahhh at the start

they’re equivalent to me because they’re that aren’t embarrassing but that I still do in private.

But an actual equivalent is the loo roll. Would you hide that?

You should put it in a bag for goodness sake. I recommend this one

My colleague has a stoma. He doesn't walk to the loo with a replacement bag on show. Doesn't mean he's ashamed of it.

And if he did carry the replacement in his hand, would that be "undignified", "not classy", "advertising that he has a stoma"?

Out of interest would any of the people who wouldn't dream of hiding the fact that they were carrying a sanitary towel be as comfortable carrying incontinence pads. My guess is that if people are honest almost no one would. 👀👀
Any argument that periods are natural and women shouldn't be embarrassed about them surely should also apply to incontinence. Or is pee something that's shameful?