I just been told off by my manager for walking across the office with a sanitary towel in my hand!

[TinLeaf]

This afternoon my manager call me into her office. Apparently, a couple of people have spoken to her because I sometimes walk to the office toilets carrying a sanitary towel and it’s making them uncomfortable. She has suggested I take my bag with me instead.

I thought times had moved on and I refuse to be made to feel ashamed of my period. I think the people who have complained are being ridiculous and need to get over it. Aibu?

The language used in some of these replies is frankly bizarre. "Showing off", "advertising", "displaying", etc.

OP was holding something in her hand and walking where she needed to go.

Unless she had a pair of heralds announcing her intended destination she was doing something perfectly reasonable and normal.

Do people "announce" that they're having a cup of tea when they carry one to their desk? Are people "displaying" a pen when they're simply holding it in their hands?

What nonsense.

I'm glad you're going to raise it again with your manager, OP. She should have given those complainers short shrift and told them not to be so juvenile. Agree with PPs who suggested emailing her so it's in writing.

@stuntbubbles

Fucking hell. The sensible thing here would be to carry on as normal, and also check the intranet for HR policies on such idiocy. But I’d be highly tempted to sew myself a fringed flapper dress with the fringe made entirely of tampons, and shimmy across the office in it, clapping mooncups together like coconuts.

🤣🤣🤣 this has cheered me right up

@PrincessInPyjamas

Ridiculous!

I remember a similar situation nearly 30 years ago where a male manager boasted proudly that he could always tell which female staff members were on their period as they always took their handbags with them to the loo.

Our office was in the city centre so lots of staff used to shop on their way into work or during their lunch breaks. What happened was that every female member of staff, and brilliantly women managers who were the same grade as him, then took every bag they had - their handbag and every shopping bag - with them to the loo. It went on for weeks. He was suitably embarrassed enough to never speak such nonsense ever again.

This is a brilliant reaction to misogyny. 😄

@Winterfellismyhome

Unless its a dirty one you're waving over your head then YANBU

Exactly! So periods are shocking now are they??? The utter pettiness of some people amazes me

"Not the one where we respect the views and boundaries of other women, including those who have repeatedly and clearly explained it’s not a viewpoint that’s specific to periods."

But nobody is saying that you can't feel how you want to feel. If you want to be discrete about it all, absolutely, knock yourself out.

But we need to move past language like "unprofessional" when it comes to periods, because that is the kind of bullshit that puts us right back to the 1950s and that is what people are objecting to.

[quote Airyfairymarybeary]I found some earrings to go with the flapper dress:
vaginamuseumshop.co.uk/products/tampon-earrings[/quote]
I think these would be more appropriate : vaginamuseumshop.co.uk/collections/jewellery/products/pad-earrings

@GrouchyKiwi

The language used in some of these replies is frankly bizarre. "Showing off", "advertising", "displaying", etc.

OP was holding something in her hand and walking where she needed to go.

Unless she had a pair of heralds announcing her intended destination she was doing something perfectly reasonable and normal.

Do people "announce" that they're having a cup of tea when they carry one to their desk? Are people "displaying" a pen when they're simply holding it in their hands?

What nonsense.

I'm glad you're going to raise it again with your manager, OP. She should have given those complainers short shrift and told them not to be so juvenile. Agree with PPs who suggested emailing her so it's in writing.

Exactly!

Is either of the men who complained considered to be 'announcing' they're off for a dump or a pee if they stand up, walk across the office and go through the door with the toilet behind it?

I think it’s uncouth to walk across the office with a sanitary towel in your hand tbh same with a loo roll.

So what would be a 'couth' way of bringing a loo roll to the bathroom if you needed to do that?

For those who can’t understand that not wanting work colleagues to know you’re on your period doesn’t automatically equate to believing that periods are shameful, let me ask you this - would you feel comfortable being naked at work? If not, are you ashamed of your body?

It’s very possible to assert personal boundaries without shame being on one side of that boundary.

Please contact HR

Why on earth would you want to advertise to the whole office that you've got a period?

It's none of their business.
Trust me they really do not want to know.

@CapMarvel

"Not the one where we respect the views and boundaries of other women, including those who have repeatedly and clearly explained it’s not a viewpoint that’s specific to periods."

But nobody is saying that you can't feel how you want to feel. If you want to be discrete about it all, absolutely, knock yourself out.

But we need to move past language like "unprofessional" when it comes to periods, because that is the kind of bullshit that puts us right back to the 1950s and that is what people are objecting to.

I completely agree. And I haven’t used language like that at all yet a few posters are repeatedly laying in to me for asserting my own personal boundaries about what information I share with work colleagues about my body. And they’re doing it in the name of feminism.

Yuk. I also wouldn’t want to know that you were on the blob. Put in it your pocket woman.

Periods are a bodily function just like being hungry or thirsty. When you’re hungry, you eat. When you’re thirsty, you drink. When you get your period, you’re shamed. Your manager’s behaviour could be classed as discrimination and I would definitely raise it with HR.

If you are a woman who likes to support other woman in the workplace rather than bringing them down for shock horror having a period you may want to give this a read:

www.seeherthrive.com/blog/2020/8/26/how-to-create-a-period-friendly-workplace-and-why-its-crucial-to-company?format=amp

The US World Cup women’s team made the most of team being on their periods and used it to their advantage. If men had periods this wouldn’t even be a thing.

Thankfully, I am married to a man who seems to have progressed to being an actual human being and when I read this to him he was so confused why other woman in this post or the men in your office are bothered at all. He also buys me tampons, from the shop, in front of other people!!

If it’s the professional environment, that one insane poster keeps barking on about, why aren’t the complainers doing their work instead of watching a young woman go to the toilet…

I know what a person is doing when they go to the toilet, regardless of what they are, or are not, carrying. They're going to the goddamned toilet.

It's a discriminatory complaint on the basis of your sex. Speak to HR.

would you feel comfortable being naked at work? If not, are you ashamed of your body?

For the love of god 🙄

Here is an equivalent comparison. The loos have runout of loo roll. You need to bring some in with you. Do you just do that, or do you tie yourself up in knots about 'advertising' your bodily functions by making it obvious you need a pee/shit? And sneak the loo roll in in a bag?

@ChristmasTreeGorgeous

Yuk. I also wouldn’t want to know that you were on the blob. Put in it your pocket woman.

Are you twelve?

@ListeningButNotHearing

Why on earth would you want to advertise to the whole office that you've got a period? It's none of their business. Trust me they really do not want to know.

The OP is a woman of the right age to have periods. She'll be having one approximately every 4 weeks. If her colleagues can't handle seeing a small sign that it might be that week then they're not mature enough to have a job.

@SparkleSpangle

While I think it is ridiculous anyone complained. There is something to be said for being discreet. Obviously you are going to have a period but do you need to let everyone know. Just put it in your pocket.

I’ve had an absolutely horrific week and this comment has just given me a serious case of the giggles. Thank you.

@TheKeatingFive

would you feel comfortable being naked at work? If not, are you ashamed of your body?

For the love of god 🙄

Here is an equivalent comparison. The loos have runout of loo roll. You need to bring some in with you. Do you just do that, or do you tie yourself up in knots about 'advertising' your bodily functions by making it obvious you need a pee/shit? And sneak the loo roll in in a bag?

I’m not going to argue with you anymore, you’re clearly ignoring the point I’m making on purpose so there’s no point engaging. I don’t think you’ve read or attempted to understand anything I’ve said.

Trust me they really do not want to know.

And if they stop concerning themselves with what's in the OP's hand, they don't need to. Power is in their hands.

@TheKeatingFive I was just about to say the same. If there’s no loo roll in the cubicles for whatever reason, what do people do? Not ask lest someone realise they need to wipe themselves? Drip dry / skid marks? Hold it in until they get home?

@countbackfromten

I am horrified by how many women posting on this are misogynistic.

There is nothing wrong with periods.
They are a natural process.
Stop acting like they are shameful because they aren’t.

Read Period by Emma Barnett - we have to tackle period shame because it leads to harmful behaviours, shames girls into thinking it is disgusting and wrong and means issues like period poverty don’t get the attention they deserve.

You're right, there's nothing wrong with periods and they are natural. However not wanting people to know I'm having my period or talk about it doesn't make me misogynistic! I don't think OP did anything wrong but choosing to put them in a pocket or up a sleeve isn't wrong either.

@allupsidedown

We had a manager who asked during a refurbishment if a bin for sanitary products was actually necessary. Could we not just wait and change them at home?

Jesus christ