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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just been told off by my manager for walking across the office with a sanitary towel in my hand!

999 replies

TinLeaf · 11/03/2022 17:25

This afternoon my manager call me into her office. Apparently, a couple of people have spoken to her because I sometimes walk to the office toilets carrying a sanitary towel and it’s making them uncomfortable. She has suggested I take my bag with me instead.

I thought times had moved on and I refuse to be made to feel ashamed of my period. I think the people who have complained are being ridiculous and need to get over it. Aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
tigger1001 · 11/03/2022 20:14

@mbosnz

If I see a dude carrying a loo roll to the toilets, my first thought is, oh, the toilets ran out of loo roll. I'm not going to picture in glorious technicolour the nitty gritty image of him bearing down on a poo. . .
Yep that would be my thought process, closely followed up by "wow someone is actually refilling it!" As that's something that seems to get left at my work , but after reading this thread I'm starting to see why. I always assumed it was laziness but not I realise it's to preserve one's dignity!
Whatthebarnacles · 11/03/2022 20:14

Put it in this "code:RED" sanitary towel purse 🤣 amzn.to/3w3YJi3

Spud1130 · 11/03/2022 20:14

@Treacletoots

Get a mooncup and keep it on your desk. It's a handy little pen holder for the rest of the month
How big is your moon cup?! Confused
KeepYaHeadUp · 11/03/2022 20:16

Can’t people just agree that some people feel differently without it being such a bunfight? FWIW I haven’t seen a single post on this thread actually agreeing that raising it as a complaint was appropriate, just people saying they probably wouldn’t openly carry personal care products around the office themselves. And anyone who dares express that view is being launched on amd insulted

The issue is when your preference for discretion adds to a general sense that periods are dirty and women should be ashamed of / want to hide them. It's not really enough to respect people who see it as no different to taking a pack of tissues to the loo with them when you don't then openly say the OP wasn't BU and anyone who has an issue with her is.

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/03/2022 20:16

Cringing for whoever silly twat raised this as an issue to be frank!

MrsGHarrison87 · 11/03/2022 20:16

I think they were wrong to complain about it and I don't think it's a big deal really but personally I wouldn't have it on show. Some things are private.

Airyfairymarybeary · 11/03/2022 20:16

I found some earrings to go with the flapper dress:
vaginamuseumshop.co.uk/products/tampon-earrings

ButtockUp · 11/03/2022 20:17

@lemmein
I did not use the word 'wafting' with sanitary protection.
Please read my post again.

Andacherryonthetop · 11/03/2022 20:18

Ask for this request in writing. Maybe when writing it out the manager will realise how ridiculous it sounds. Also then you have a trial if you need to escalate it. It is ridiculous. If men are uncomfortable with a clean sanitary towel in it’s packet then that’s very much a them problem and not a you problem

lms2017 · 11/03/2022 20:20

I'd stick it to my forehead a walk across next time !

Theunamedcat · 11/03/2022 20:21

I'm starting to wonder is it the men who have a problem or other women

birdie90 · 11/03/2022 20:22

You are most certainly not being unreasonable. Carry it however you like!

LampLighter414 · 11/03/2022 20:23

I've got to say I agree with the being discreet comments

We all know the stuff you can get up to in toilets, that's fine. But in this scenario if you walk past someone they will know where you're going and why. I'm sure if a man publicly declared he was off to have a poo every time he got up to go for one people would complain to. Because they don't want to imagine peoples bodily functions. Kind of an unwritten rule that you just don't advertise what you're off to do.

ofwarren · 11/03/2022 20:24

@LampLighter414

I've got to say I agree with the being discreet comments

We all know the stuff you can get up to in toilets, that's fine. But in this scenario if you walk past someone they will know where you're going and why. I'm sure if a man publicly declared he was off to have a poo every time he got up to go for one people would complain to. Because they don't want to imagine peoples bodily functions. Kind of an unwritten rule that you just don't advertise what you're off to do.

She didn't publicly declare!
She didn't say anything!

Maverickess · 11/03/2022 20:25

I think I'd be more worried that my colleagues were watching me walk across the office so closely that they can see and further identify what's in my hand in the first place..... Unless you're carrying one in a huge box with "Off to change my sanitary towel now!" written on it, or tossing it in the air or something.
And as a manager I'd be more concerned that they were concentrating more on what a colleague has in their hands and identifying where they're going than doing the work they're supposed to be doing.

They know it's a sanitary towel because they know you're a woman and they know that when a woman carries something to the bathroom with her it's likely to be something to do with a period, so it'll make zero difference to their 'knowledge' and 'uncomfortable feelings' if it's in a bag or not.

If carrying a sanitary towel across the office in your hand is 'advertising' you're on your period then taking your bag is far more visible and noticeable, and would possibly draw more attention from these poor men that have to witness this spectacle on a monthly basis.

Clymene · 11/03/2022 20:25

@MrsMcNally

Can’t people just agree that some people feel differently without it being such a bunfight? FWIW I haven’t seen a single post on this thread actually agreeing that raising it as a complaint was appropriate, just people saying they probably wouldn’t openly carry personal care products around the office themselves. And anyone who dares express that view is being launched on amd insulted Sad

I think we’re probably pretty much all on the same page that this shouldn’t be HR territory and the men who complained are ridiculous, but some of us just feel differently about how comfortable we are letting our work colleagues know we’re on our period. Can’t we just respect that and say to each their own?

No one is asking you to hang your sanitary towel from your handbag. They are merely saying that you shouldn't judge other women for not feeling ashamed when they have a period.

You don't accept other women feel differently otherwise you wouldn't have compared carrying a sanitary towel with carrying a condom.

Your shame is yours. Other women don't have to feel if.

MrsMcNally · 11/03/2022 20:25

@KeepYaHeadUp

Can’t people just agree that some people feel differently without it being such a bunfight? FWIW I haven’t seen a single post on this thread actually agreeing that raising it as a complaint was appropriate, just people saying they probably wouldn’t openly carry personal care products around the office themselves. And anyone who dares express that view is being launched on amd insulted

The issue is when your preference for discretion adds to a general sense that periods are dirty and women should be ashamed of / want to hide them. It's not really enough to respect people who see it as no different to taking a pack of tissues to the loo with them when you don't then openly say the OP wasn't BU and anyone who has an issue with her is.

Oh I see, thanks for clarifying. The particular brand of feminism peddled on here is the one where it’s only ok for all women to think what you do and agree you’re right.

Not the one where we respect the views and boundaries of other women, including those who have repeatedly and clearly explained it’s not a viewpoint that’s specific to periods.

Got it.

SpangledShambles · 11/03/2022 20:28

@LovedayCL

I’m thinking a wheelie suitcase next time, pull it along behind you to the bathroom. Peri menopause is a bitch.

Seriously though, I’d probably make a written response to this confirming that you were warned you’d made male colleagues feel uncomfortable due to their observation and speculation on why you, as a woman, were going to the bathroom and that your bodily functions were being discussed. Just to be clear.

This. Weirdos watching your progress to toilets and discussing it should be reprimanded, not you.
tigger1001 · 11/03/2022 20:29

"They know it's a sanitary towel because they know you're a woman and they know that when a woman carries something to the bathroom with her it's likely to be something to do with a period, so it'll make zero difference to their 'knowledge' and 'uncomfortable feelings' if it's in a bag or not."

100% agree!

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 11/03/2022 20:29

My old boss (male) told me off for keeping tampons in my drawers!! My drawer! Told him to stop snooping.
Yanbu.

MrsMcNally · 11/03/2022 20:30

*MrsMcNally
Can’t people just agree that some people feel differently without it being such a bunfight? FWIW I haven’t seen a single post on this thread actually agreeing that raising it as a complaint was appropriate, just people saying they probably wouldn’t openly carry personal care products around the office themselves. And anyone who dares express that view is being launched on amd insulted sad

I think we’re probably pretty much all on the same page that this shouldn’t be HR territory and the men who complained are ridiculous, but some of us just feel differently about how comfortable we are letting our work colleagues know we’re on our period. Can’t we just respect that and say to each their own?

No one is asking you to hang your sanitary towel from your handbag. They are merely saying that you shouldn't judge other women for not feeling ashamed when they have a period.

You don't accept other women feel differently otherwise you wouldn't have compared carrying a sanitary towel with carrying a condom.

Your shame is yours. Other women don't have to feel if.*

I don’t feel remotely ashamed of my periods and the fact that you’re unable to comprehend that there is a wide gulf between ‘shame’ and choosing not to have complete openness about bodily functions with work colleagues, well that says far more about you than me.

Please don’t try and belittle me or project shame on me which I do not feel. It’s unkind and unfeminist.

shamalidacdak · 11/03/2022 20:30

I keep a purse at work with my essentials and just take that. I wouldn't want to walk past my colleagues with tampons and pass. I don't think it's a big ask

Blossomtoes · 11/03/2022 20:30

Oh I see, thanks for clarifying. The particular brand of feminism peddled on here is the one where it’s only ok for all women to think what you do and agree you’re right

Always has been, sadly. Despite having been a feminist for the last half century, I’ve been told here I’m doing it all wrong. It’s not about freedom of choice any more apparently.

Frigginintheriggin · 11/03/2022 20:31

Im unsure how your boss thinks the mens right to be offended trumps your right have a period during working hours? Maybe they know a way you can switch it off for the duration of the working day??
If you know which men (children) have complained maybe give them a copy of The Red Tent to read.
They may request your desk/workspace is moved outside, far away......
PRICKS!

Notwithittoday · 11/03/2022 20:31

I think it’s uncouth to walk across the office with a sanitary towel in your hand tbh same with a loo roll. However there’s no way anyone should have complained or your manager pulled you on it

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