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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just been told off by my manager for walking across the office with a sanitary towel in my hand!

999 replies

TinLeaf · 11/03/2022 17:25

This afternoon my manager call me into her office. Apparently, a couple of people have spoken to her because I sometimes walk to the office toilets carrying a sanitary towel and it’s making them uncomfortable. She has suggested I take my bag with me instead.

I thought times had moved on and I refuse to be made to feel ashamed of my period. I think the people who have complained are being ridiculous and need to get over it. Aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
thebellsesmereldathebells · 11/03/2022 19:23

@Dnaltocs

Surely this is made up. Does Mumsnet need this type of undignified following? Why would anyone walk around a public area, with an obvious ST in their hand. No no no!!! Where is their self worth? Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. This is just a step too far. We have dignity, well some don’t obs.
Self-worth?! I would hazard a guess that their self-worth is NOT located in the petty misogynistic fragilities of a couple of incels at the office

Men's disgust towards women's bodies is as old as time. It's also not your fucking problem.

They need to grow the fuck up. And your manager is a disgrace as well.

Idkiibu · 11/03/2022 19:24

@rwalker
Don’t like WHAT?!
It’s not a used sanitary pad she showed to her colleagues?
Maybe I shall be disgusted by people shopping for a toilet roll in the Sainsburies next time? Or be disgusted by people going to the toilet because I know they will be doing something disgusting there? Honestly?

ofwarren · 11/03/2022 19:24

@WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa

In my school there are sanitary products in every classroom, visibly. They're in every office, available everywhere and this is exactly why - to normalise them!

Fantastic! Well done to your school Wine

stuntbubbles · 11/03/2022 19:24

I’m sorry but walking around the office with a sanitary towel is just weird. Why would you do that?
To take it to the loo so she could change it, I imagine. Do you just sit at your desk and clench?

User121212121212121212 · 11/03/2022 19:25

@ButtockUp

I'm sorry, but being my age, I find this to be total nonsense. It's like you're saying "hey , check me out! I'm on my period!!!" There's absolutely no need. All men know that women bleed. Same as all women. Why would you want to advertise that you're on your period? Periods are normal. Why do you want to advertise that you're having one. It's like you're forcing a response. Do people waltz through the office with their incontinence pads ? Do people stroll through a factory floor with a spare stoma bag? Do diabetics waft through a shop floor waving a syringe?

These things are personal. Personal to each of us.
These are normal things but they're personal to us.
Carry on wafting your pads but expect to be pulled up on it.

Out of interest - How do you buy your sanitary towels? You know that there are men in the shop and THEY MIGHT SEE YOU CARRYING SANITARY TOWELS! Do you hide them in your bag and take them out when you're at the checkout ( and look around to see if there are no men in the area?
ofwarren · 11/03/2022 19:26

@rwalker

Right or wrong as seen by the replies on here some people don't like it .

If I was doing something that other people didn't like I'd stop it .

Some people don't like women breastfeeding in public. Should we stop that too?

SexyLittleNosferatu · 11/03/2022 19:26

@Dnaltocs

Surely this is made up. Does Mumsnet need this type of undignified following? Why would anyone walk around a public area, with an obvious ST in their hand. No no no!!! Where is their self worth? Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. This is just a step too far. We have dignity, well some don’t obs.
Another one that just has to be taking the piss. Surely?

What does "self worth" have to do with carrying a 3 inch square of pink or purple plastic to the toilet?

Forshorttheycallmecomp · 11/03/2022 19:27

Buy a copy of Emma Barnet’s book Period (www.waterstones.com/book/period/emma-barnett/9780008308117) and leave it on your desk, or offer it to re-educate your colleagues…

MrsMcNally · 11/03/2022 19:27

[quote Clymene]@MrsMcNally - do you think it's appropriate for colleagues to have sex at work?

Is it appropriate to have periods at work? [/quote]
Oh for goodness sake, it’s not a perfect analogy it was just an off the top of my head example of a normal bodily function. As I said in my last post, feel free to replace with sweating…whatever. I’m not interested in arguing when it’s very clear exactly what I mean. You don’t have to agree but you don’t have to be a pernickety knob.

Coffeepot72 · 11/03/2022 19:27

I will continue to be discrete with toilet functions, that approach works for me

ofwarren · 11/03/2022 19:27

Out of interest - How do you buy your sanitary towels? You know that there are men in the shop and THEY MIGHT SEE YOU CARRYING SANITARY TOWELS! Do you hide them in your bag and take them out when you're at the checkout ( and look around to see if there are no men in the area?

And God forbid a MAN is the person on the till!!

rwalker · 11/03/2022 19:28

[quote Idkiibu]@rwalker
Don’t like WHAT?!
It’s not a used sanitary pad she showed to her colleagues?
Maybe I shall be disgusted by people shopping for a toilet roll in the Sainsburies next time? Or be disgusted by people going to the toilet because I know they will be doing something disgusting there? Honestly?[/quote]
As I said it's not about righting wrong but if it makes them uncomfortable then I wouldn't do it .

Like I wouldn't microwave his in the staff room because other people don't like it not because I can

mbosnz · 11/03/2022 19:28

She didn’t need to verbally announce it considering people have eyes

That should be focussed on their work, not lasering in on what is in their work colleague's hand as she walks to the toilet.

TatianaBis · 11/03/2022 19:28

I’d be tempted to make a hat from sanitary pads on Monday and walk to the loo it. Because I’m worth it.

TheKeatingFive · 11/03/2022 19:29

Where is their self worth?

So having self worth involves pretending you don't menstruate?

Fucking hell 🙄

MrsMcNally · 11/03/2022 19:29

In any case, much as I wouldn’t openly carry personal care products in my office I also wouldn’t dream of complaining if someone else did and I can’t imagine our HR manager entertaining this kind of complaint for one minute because it’s pretty obvious that anyone is entitled to carry sanpro to the toilet. So I don’t think the OP is unreasonable to be shocked that this was raised with her but anyone must know that some people would be raising an eyebrow even if they said nothing. It should be entirely the OP’s personal choice if she cares about that. I wouldn’t make the same choices as her but unlike some of the other posters on this crazy thread I can see and respect other points of view.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/03/2022 19:30

@AKASammyScrounge

I would never walk about carrying an ST like that. Mine are always discreetly in my bag. I cannot see the point of making a public display.
She's walking across a room with a bit of padded material in her hand, not bringing our a used one to ask Derek about the clots
stuntbubbles · 11/03/2022 19:30

@Dnaltocs

Surely this is made up. Does Mumsnet need this type of undignified following? Why would anyone walk around a public area, with an obvious ST in their hand. No no no!!! Where is their self worth? Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. This is just a step too far. We have dignity, well some don’t obs.
Are you there, God? It’s me, Mumsnet
tigger1001 · 11/03/2022 19:30

"I gave condoms as an example of a personal care item and it was the first one that I thought of that may be very likely for a man to carry.

Why is sex an inappropriate comparison, as another completely normal and not at all shameful bodily function that still may not be appropriate to discuss in the workplace? I don’t see what’s so wildly wrong with that?

Replace with any other normal bodily function or physical activity if you prefer!

You ignored the other example I gave of deodorant - normal and not shameful but I don’t want to think about my work colleagues’ sweat. Is that more ok with you?!"

Sex isn't a bodily function and it's not something that generally happens in the workplace, certainly none I have been in. So not a comparison at all.

As someone further up the thread said, a comparison would be if a man was going to the toilet and knew there wasn't any toilet roll and took some into the bathroom. Would he be expected to hide it? To have dignity?

Deodorant- I often see colleagues carrying deodorant to the bathroom. No big deal. Some put perfume on at their desk. No
One bats an eyelid

Nillynally · 11/03/2022 19:30

@stuntbubbles

Fucking hell. The sensible thing here would be to carry on as normal, and also check the intranet for HR policies on such idiocy. But I’d be highly tempted to sew myself a fringed flapper dress with the fringe made entirely of tampons, and shimmy across the office in it, clapping mooncups together like coconuts.
Please do this
Curlygirl06 · 11/03/2022 19:30

@alexdgr8

i think in an office ie workplace environment, it is best to be discreet. and it is not so difficult. handbag/pocket/up sleeve of cardigan/ envelope. going to the loo is nothing to be ashamed of either, for any use, but why not have some dignity and self respect and respect for others, and not impose the details on colleagues. i think thing have swung too far. maybe common sense and common decency will prevail eventually.
I well remember the day one of the ladies at work had a tampon up her sleeve (clean one, obvs). We had twisty stairs with many landings (old building) and she was coming downstairs, swung round the top newel post and the tampon shot out of her sleeve like a rocket. It hurtled down the stairs, rattled round the half landing and ricocheted down the next set of steps. Of course, gorgeous Dave from accounts had to be coming up the stairs at the time and it ended up coming to rest on his foot. Without breaking stride he picked it up, lobbed it back upstairs yelling "catch!", she fumbled the catch, it went back down the stairs, omg I nearly wet myself laughing.
ForTheHorde · 11/03/2022 19:31

@BeHappy91818 Well maybe those easily offended souls should advert their eyes to see what other people are carrying. What a better world it would be if they actually minded their own business

PinkTonic · 11/03/2022 19:31

So you think a toothbrush, deodorant, soap, tissues etc should be hidden?

I don’t think those items should be hidden, but I probably wouldn’t walk about in the office carrying them, I’d have them in a make up bag as they’re personal items and it’s a professional environment. What I don’t understand here is how they’ve even noticed a wrapped pad in her hand anyway, they’re so small that it would be difficult to see what it was unless she was literally waving it under their noses. Sounds a bit odd.

JustFrustrated · 11/03/2022 19:31

Well,

What if you don't have a handbag at work and wear clothes without pockets as the vast majority of women do?

If I'm in the office typically I'll have my laptop backpack with me, so not taking that to the loo, and wearing trousers with no pockets, and a shirt with sleeves rolled up....
What would I do with my sanitary wear then?
Down my bra? Fuck that, my boobs hurt enough, and are strapped down to minimise the pain.

(I've not actually been in this situation, so now I'm wondering....)

TheKeatingFive · 11/03/2022 19:32

Oh for goodness sake, it’s not a perfect analogy it was just an off the top of my head example of a normal bodily function.

An actually useful analogy would be carrying a loo roll to the bathroom. Would you expect that to be hidden in a bag?