I just been told off by my manager for walking across the office with a sanitary towel in my hand!

[TinLeaf]

This afternoon my manager call me into her office. Apparently, a couple of people have spoken to her because I sometimes walk to the office toilets carrying a sanitary towel and it’s making them uncomfortable. She has suggested I take my bag with me instead.

I thought times had moved on and I refuse to be made to feel ashamed of my period. I think the people who have complained are being ridiculous and need to get over it. Aibu?

Not everything has to be some kind of statement.
The only statement made by carrying a sanitary towel to the office loos is “I’m going to the loo”. Doesn’t need to be watched, or commented on, or complained about. She’s just going to the loo.

but that doesn't mean that other people want to know we're on one

Why would we care?

It's only good manners to be discreet, especially if there's men around and it makes them uncomfortable.

That's it girlies. Always think of the men's first. Nothing worse than making them uncomfortable.

You might pause to reflect that they don't need to carry anything into the loo because anything they require is already provided for them, free of charge.

Unless you're walking through the office swinging a used sanitary towel around you are not being unreasonable and who ever has complained is being ridiculous

YANBU ! Do not change a thing. This is their problem. You should have reported your foolish manager to her senior for harassment. I can just see the headlines......"woman sacked for walking across office with Always in her hand" Lol... that would be a good one. Lol.. PM me the men's details, I'll send them a pack each in the post.

@Popsicle33

I wouldn't have complained but I think taking your bag with you has a little more class.

Fuck class. No one ever tells men they need to have more class. Whatever the fuck is it, anyway?

Also, not sure I want my handbag on the toilet floor if I can avoid it.

I once had a man at work cringe and look embarrassed when I mentioned my awful period pain - he is a GP! Lost a lot of my respect for that.

@SparkleSpangle

While I think it is ridiculous anyone complained. There is something to be said for being discreet. Obviously you are going to have a period but do you need to let everyone know. Just put it in your pocket.

I agree.

YANBU

You are allowed to carry a sanitary towel to the toilets without having to worry about it being seen and 'offending' someone. I would also have been taken aback, definitely send an email asking for clarification about exactly which HR policy this is in breach of?

@Viviennemary

I think your manager is right. I also hate them being on display in people's bathrooms. Same as a man leaving a pack of durex on his desk. Just no.

Not the same as a packet of durex AT ALL . What a weird statement

I agree.

So what do you think there is to be said for 'being discreet'

@WaltzingToWalsingham

Meh. Yes, periods are perfectly normal and natural, but I prefer not to advertise my precise location in my menstrual cycle to my colleagues, and I suspect they feel the same way. I wouldn't complain about somebody carrying sanpro very visibly across the office, but I'd rather they didn't - just as I prefer my colleagues not to announce that they're going for a poo. Both of them are intimate bodily functions, IMO, and are best kept private.

That's my take on it.

stuntbubbles

Fucking hell. The sensible thing here would be to carry on as normal, and also check the intranet for HR policies on such idiocy. But I’d be highly tempted to sew myself a fringed flapper dress with the fringe made entirely of tampons, and shimmy across the office in it, clapping mooncups together like coconuts.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 brillant needed a laugh and this has done it thank you.

@JohnMcCainsDeathStare

I've even thought of a drag name if you really want to glam it up - Maxi Padd! Fabulous and free-flowin' .............it's MAXI PADD!!

I let you have that for free!

Love the drag name!!!

@Viviennemary

I think your manager is right. I also hate them being on display in people's bathrooms. Same as a man leaving a pack of durex on his desk. Just no.

It's not even slightly the same. Do you hide your toilet roll?

On this, our business is over two floors with toilets on both floors. Only the downstairs loo has a sanitary bin. I think this is wrong. Women working on the upstairs floor have to either put stuff in the paper towel bin, carry used sanitary wear downstairs, or put it in your pocket/bag.
I was told the company just needs to provide a bin somewhere in the building, not in every loo. Who is right?

There a millions of women worldwide who struggle with their periods, for example because of endometriosis, and this stupid societal expectation to keep your period a secret it literally causing mass harm to women. It's an absolutely ridiculous attitude. I've spoken to so many women with endometriosis that have talked about how long it even took them to realise what they were experiencing was not normal because they've learned from society than periods are "embarrassing", "shameful", "not to be spoken about" and therefore never spoke about it with people.

Anyone who agrees with OPs manager should take a hard look at themselves honestly. If you don't want to walk across the office with a sanitary product in your hand then don't do it. If any woman wants to do it then she should not be stopped from doing so.

I really hate the use of the word discrete when it comes to breastfeeding. And now it's cropping up here too. Funny, I've never heard anyone suggest men be discrete about things 🙄

Not everything has to be some kind of statement

I’d say the men and her manager were the ones making a statement. She was just minding her own business on the way to the bathroom.

Have a bit of decorum and be a bit more discrete.

Keeping periods private and pretending they don't happen is one of the reason women are discriminated against in the workplace. We are affected by our periods. They can affect our mood, can mean we're in pain, are tired or not quite as sharp as normal.

At a time when organisations are finally waking up to the impact that the menopause has on women, it's profoundly depressing that menstruating women are supposed to be discreet.

A period is not 'going to the toilet' either.

@LovedayCL

So their discomfort matters, but yours does not. There must be some difference between the two of you. What could it be… it’s on the tip of my tongue… maybe you could ask HR to clarify 🤔

. Brilliant.

*alexdgr8

i think in an office ie workplace environment, it is best to be discreet.
and it is not so difficult. handbag/pocket/up sleeve of cardigan/ envelope.
going to the loo is nothing to be ashamed of either, for any use, but why not have some dignity and self respect and respect for others, and not impose the details on colleagues.
i think thing have swung too far.
maybe common sense and common decency will prevail eventually.*

Have some self respect, use an envelope 🤣🤣🤣!! I'm surprised at some of these comments! Are people really so uptight about this sort of thing?

just as I prefer my colleagues not to announce that they're going for a poo

They have no need to do so because the loo roll is there.

If for some reason it wasn't and they needed to bring some, would you expect them to hide it in a bag like a shameful object? 🙄

YANBU. I rarely say this but I would be putting a complaint in to HR about discrimination. How disgusting that people have complained about a normal bodily function. Do they shudder when people take out a tissue to blow their nose? I am livid on your behalf.

@EnjoyingTheSilence

Thank fuck my dd’s and their friends don’t have the same hang up as some you.

If someone asks at school for any tampons/pads they get a load thrown at them, in a supportive ‘here have one of mine’ way not mocking or teasing.

There is definitely hope for the younger generation. My daughter started at 10 and was the first in her year at primary school (poor thing). She's quite shy, but was happy discussing it with classmates. No problem talking about periods in front of her brothers. They're all used to seeing our reusable sanpro hanging on the line/airer or emptying bathroom bins that have pads in. My eldest (15) had his girlfriend round recently and when I got home from work he was warming her a wheat bag for her period pain.

Were you roller skating whilst holding a dog? Health and safety issue there but if not, go with the flapper dress made of lil lets