The lamest excuse not to see your kids ever 🤯

[Kage30]

Ds is 11, his dad has been in his life but inconsistent. One month there, then the next gone, we don't hear from him for ages. We split when I was pregnant. I never forced him to be a dad. He makes plans with Ds then let's him down, doesn't turn up. Basically - he's useless. He lives 3 miles away btw so no hardship in travelling.

I've heard some cracking excuses over the years.

I don't give a crap if Ds sees his dad or not myself, makes no difference to me. When he sees him it's just for an hour or two anyway. But I feel for ds. He asks why his dad doesn't see him much. He's often a typical Disney dad and turns up with expensive gifts on Christmas Day when he hasn't seen him in weeks.

Anyway, back to the point of my post.

DS's dad has a partner and they have a 4 year old child. His dad actually said last week that he'd see him this weekend. Now he's texted to say that his partner has a new job working weekends and he has to 'look after' their young child so can't have ds, but I assume he means every weekend, not just this weekend.

'Looking after' his younger child is a joke anyway. Surely he's just parenting?! And he could have both his dc at the same time surely?

I'd rather he didn't see him at all sometimes but I try and keep it going, although it's hanging on by a thread. I don't want to be the person seen as the bad guy when all of this on DS's dad, not me. I've never made it hard for him to see him!

So yeah. Proabbkt the lamest excuse I've ever heard 'I can't have Ds because, girlfriend has a new job working weekends and I need to look after my younger Ds' - who he lives with!!

I'd text back and say seeing as he as one child every weekend, he might as well have both. But I'm a cheeky fucker.

I'd respond with "God forbid you'd look after both your children at the same time and they'd get to know each other?. It's no skin off my nose but DS is very hurt by your flakiness and your intermittent presence in his life. Let me be clear that I won't insist that he sees you if he decides that he wants to stop"

What an absolute waste of space this man sounds like op. Awful.
I had a friend in a similar situation & she said on reflection she wished she had said no contact with her dc's dad, as he let her now grown up dc, down so much. It would have just been easier to cut him off completely.
I'm sorry for the situation & hope you & Ds have a strong bond & can get some quality time together over the weekend.

@magicstars

What an absolute waste of space this man sounds like op. Awful. I had a friend in a similar situation & she said on reflection she wished she had said no contact with her dc's dad, as he let her now grown up dc, down so much. It would have just been easier to cut him off completely. I'm sorry for the situation & hope you & Ds have a strong bond & can get some quality time together over the weekend.

I do agree, I'd rather him not see him at all but I'm worried if I stop contact Ds will resent me. Especially if he was to get back into contact with dad down the line, his dad has a good way of blaming others for his actions.

I've never known my dad at all, which is bad enough but Can't miss what you don't have but when a dad has been there in and off, it's awful.

I just don't know how absent or let down parents sleep at night to be honest!

I've tried talking to his dad before and telling him how much he upsets Ds, he's said he will buck ip but he never does or does for a week or two. It's almost like, he sees him for an hour or two then he thinks that's enough contact for a month or two! Like a glorified babysitter every so often to be honest, when he does have him it's about 1-3 hours max usually.

'Oh I totally understand, I mean no parent ever has had more than 1 child..'

I'd text back and say seeing as he as one child every weekend, he might as well have both. But I'm a cheeky fucker. grin

It isn't being a cheeky fucker to expect your child's parent to, y' know, parent.

I'd just do the dickhead (and your son) a favour and stop your ds going round - I'd never want my child being somewhere he's not wanted.

These pathetic excuses for men, honestly...

*from

Does he message ds or you? If he messages ds, I'd send something like
"Please stop overpromising to your son and then letting him down. He sees the texts and looks forward to seeing you, then you cancel. It's not on. If you want to make plans with ds in future, please either text me in advance so I can make sure he is free, or, only text him if you are literally on your way to collect - anything else is letting him down"

If he texts you, I'd not say a word to ds at all. He never needs to know the plans change (for, I agree, shit reasons).

Its so shocking. to read about all the children out there, who will be affected for a long time, by a parent who does not see any consequences that occur, when they have a parent who does not bother about seeing their child or children, when they should be making ammends, for a childs upsets in life.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Does he message ds or you? If he messages ds, I'd send something like "Please stop overpromising to your son and then letting him down. He sees the texts and looks forward to seeing you, then you cancel. It's not on. If you want to make plans with ds in future, please either text me in advance so I can make sure he is free, or, only text him if you are literally on your way to collect - anything else is letting him down"

If he texts you, I'd not say a word to ds at all. He never needs to know the plans change (for, I agree, shit reasons).

He usually rings - he's not much of a texter tells Ds and says 'oh we will do this at the weekend' or 'you can sleep over this weekend' etc etc etc. Thing is he's all mouth. I've lost count the amount of times he does this and lets him down. I've tried explaining this to the bloke but he never listens. Ds is used to it now 😪

My df was like this. He would turn up with all the gifts and promises in the world and leave not be heard from for weeks on end and id be left sitting and waiting. I was 3 and my mum let it continue and said she did it because he was my dad and one day I'd make my own mind up etc etc. In my experience she should have put me first and said no to seeing her daughter in tears confused about where her dad now was but she didn't. I still struggle with a relationship with him now and flit between no contact and being guilted into contact by him and funny enough my dm 'oh but vie his your dad'. My exh is a pain in the arse at times but I made it perfectly clear that if he ever thought this behaviour was acceptable I'd cut him off from him kids. Your ds will know what he is like but honestly the feelings when your dad is a no show or listening to another excuse from your mum is gut wrenching and causes years of damage. I'm 41 and still turn to that little girl waiting for her dad. It's toxic. Do not allow it to continue. I honestly think a little less of my mother for allowing my df to treat me so awfully under the guise of 'blood' and 'but his your dad' no just no.

Ex DP just cancelled having the dc this weekend. Something about diesel being £1.80 a litre, had to pay a speeding fine, someone's coming to see something he's selling on Facebook, and other assorted waffle. A lot of men see their dc as an inconvenience

The father of my two DS phoned me when DS2 was in the pushchair and I was waiting for DS1 to come out of reception at home time. He said, ,"I won't be seeing the boys anymore. It doesn't suit." And hung up. And he never did.

Text back: If you’re looking after DS4 them DS11 would love to help. See you Saturday.

My dad had me in Limbo for years. When I was a kid, he'd say he'd call and I'd wait all day by the phone and he wouldn't call. Said he would visit me, I'd get up everytime I heard a car and it wouldn't be him. All through my teen years he'd say he wants a relationship but then would put the responsibility on me to make contact then would go months without hearing from him. When your child is older, they will be able to make the choice on whether they want to bother with their dad or not. It's hard when you're a kid because it's easy to see the good in people

@OldTinHat

The father of my two DS phoned me when DS2 was in the pushchair and I was waiting for DS1 to come out of reception at home time. He said, ,"I won't be seeing the boys anymore. It doesn't suit." And hung up. And he never did.

Fucking hell.

My df was like this. He would turn up with all the gifts and promises in the world and leave not be heard from for weeks on end and id be left sitting and waiting. I was 3 and my mum let it continue and said she did it because he was my dad and one day I'd make my own mind up etc etc. In my experience she should have put me first and said no to seeing her daughter in tears confused about where her dad now was but she didn't. I still struggle with a relationship with him now and flit between no contact and being guilted into contact by him and funny enough my dm 'oh but vie his your dad'. My exh is a pain in the arse at times but I made it perfectly clear that if he ever thought this behaviour was acceptable I'd cut him off from him kids. Your ds will know what he is like but honestly the feelings when your dad is a no show or listening to another excuse from your mum is gut wrenching and causes years of damage. I'm 41 and still turn to that little girl waiting for her dad. It's toxic. Do not allow it to continue. I honestly think a little less of my mother for allowing my df to treat me so awfully under the guise of 'blood' and 'but his your dad' no just no.

You should take heed of stories like this OP - protect your son.

And Vie8123 - it's ok if you don't want to see your (what sounds like a useless excuse for) a father. You don't owe him anything - it sounds like your dm has always made allowances for the rubbish men in her life and you have taken that mentality on too ( agreeing to see him even though you don't want to i mean(
Providing the sperm to make a baby does not a father make!

An "in and out" dad is more damaging to your child than one thats just out.

My children's fathers best one but not only one is because his GF can't be there he's not seeing them alone 🤦🏻‍♀️. She doesn't trust him because she was the OW & she knew about his family so is judging my morals based on her own,she thinks I'm going to hop on him,no chance,my kids are almost 5 & 19 months & he was here the first 4 years of our son's life so it's difficult for him. I asked him to not have his gf there as she has been violent to him,police involved,court,she's verbally attacked me & left threatening VM to me, threatened my brother online,& she lives with her brother who is into drugs, drunk constantly & a racist (my kids are mixed),there is no court order so I'm protecting my kids the best I know how 😒

Sitting with your coat on, waiting for a parent who never comes, feeling the hope drain out from you....you NEVER EVER FORGET THAT FEELING.

I agree with others, that this “in and out” business is worse than no contact. A child is better of with one solid parent all the time, than one solid one and one crap one (although that’s better than two crap ones by miles!)

Of course he should be able to care for both at once - surely that’s the norm? An 11 yo might even be a help, as they could play with the little one whilst dad cooks or similar. An 11 yo who has a good relationship with their dad would be happy to do this, although it might be harder to convince a child who’s been mucked about to pitch in.

My exh is crap but in a different way in that often he’ll have them, but he in a bad mood. So they never know what his mood will be. Sometimes he says “oh I have to work” but tbh they’re usually glad not to go!

There’s such a presumption of contact though that I’m sure courts would always support him having contact times even when he doesn’t always fulfil them/ is moody.

"I'll check my work schedule".

Seemingly oblivious to the fact that I work full time. This wasn't even any sort of regular contact - that had long since fallen apart. No this was in response to me emailing ex after DS2 said he would like to see his Dad after months and months.

Twat.

Can you say
" that is great news you doing childcare
I ll drop ds off at 10
Have fun with both dc "