The lamest excuse not to see your kids ever 🤯

[Kage30]

Ds is 11, his dad has been in his life but inconsistent. One month there, then the next gone, we don't hear from him for ages. We split when I was pregnant. I never forced him to be a dad. He makes plans with Ds then let's him down, doesn't turn up. Basically - he's useless. He lives 3 miles away btw so no hardship in travelling.

I've heard some cracking excuses over the years.

I don't give a crap if Ds sees his dad or not myself, makes no difference to me. When he sees him it's just for an hour or two anyway. But I feel for ds. He asks why his dad doesn't see him much. He's often a typical Disney dad and turns up with expensive gifts on Christmas Day when he hasn't seen him in weeks.

Anyway, back to the point of my post.

DS's dad has a partner and they have a 4 year old child. His dad actually said last week that he'd see him this weekend. Now he's texted to say that his partner has a new job working weekends and he has to 'look after' their young child so can't have ds, but I assume he means every weekend, not just this weekend.

'Looking after' his younger child is a joke anyway. Surely he's just parenting?! And he could have both his dc at the same time surely?

I'd rather he didn't see him at all sometimes but I try and keep it going, although it's hanging on by a thread. I don't want to be the person seen as the bad guy when all of this on DS's dad, not me. I've never made it hard for him to see him!

So yeah. Proabbkt the lamest excuse I've ever heard 'I can't have Ds because, girlfriend has a new job working weekends and I need to look after my younger Ds' - who he lives with!!

Reminds me of the film 'liar liar'

A close male friend of mine said he couldn’t have children from relationship A at the same time as from relastionship B!

Shahid he wasn’t made to be able to look after that many (3) wains at one time! I nearly spat my drink out! Told him quite clearly he should t be putting it about some much if he can’t look after 3 kids at once! Bearing in mind 2 are teenage and 1 is 7 😕

@Dnaltocs

Perhaps schools could do a topic on choosing a decent Father for our children. Or something similar. There seems to be so many broken marriages, and even more damaged children because mums chose badly. Sad when parents are not married.

So it’s the woman’s fault? 🤔 how about we stop blaming women for men’s shitty behaviour?

I realised when my dd was still little that when her dad was going to visit I got her all excited about the idea, which was setting her up for a fall the way he was. So I cut out the excited tone and as she grew older told her about how he would say one thing and do another. My intention was not to alienate her from him, but to protect her. I think I managed to walk that fine line ok.

That is the weirdest most invalidating take Ive ever read. So it's the mother's fault for 'choosing' a bad father? No-one is aware of someone's parenting skills untill they have children. If the partnership doesn't work out then it doesn't work and it's healthier to split. The onus on being shitty is on the one who's being shitty. Many thousands of mother's do their damn best to maintain relationships for their children's well being after a split and many thousands of men just see it as a chore or hinderance that's got nothing to do with the women nor do we need an education on choosing men!
What needs to be taught to young people is a healthy mutual respect, cast iron boundaries, morals, responsibility for your actions and the real life consequences of letting others down who love and rely on you. Then we'd be in a far better place to 'choose' a partner who wouldn't fuck up a relationship, leave and damage the children they helped create!!! Also married un-married or divorced makes no bloody odds either

It’s quite common to blame the woman for “picking” the wrong one, I see it on here a lot, it’s probably one of the reasons men don’t bother to change their behaviour because women get the blame for it anyway 😒

Maybe for sons sake you need to have something in writing so he's almost forced (as shitty as that is) to see his son regularly, even if once a fortnight/month. He might feel more like he has to abide by those boundaries.
I know first hand your poor son is at some point going to feel like he isn't good enough for his dad and blame himself for his dad never wanting to see him.

The lamest excuse I ever heard was, "Sorry, the little woman (yes, he said that) and I are having a strip poker party on Saturday night." Kinda glad he cancelled on that one.

My ex's go to was his psoriasis on his face had flaired up so he couldn't risk being seen by anyone.
He drove from his house straight to mine and back to his. No stops. No getting out the car.

@Vie8126

My df was like this. He would turn up with all the gifts and promises in the world and leave not be heard from for weeks on end and id be left sitting and waiting. I was 3 and my mum let it continue and said she did it because he was my dad and one day I'd make my own mind up etc etc. In my experience she should have put me first and said no to seeing her daughter in tears confused about where her dad now was but she didn't. I still struggle with a relationship with him now and flit between no contact and being guilted into contact by him and funny enough my dm 'oh but vie his your dad'. My exh is a pain in the arse at times but I made it perfectly clear that if he ever thought this behaviour was acceptable I'd cut him off from him kids. Your ds will know what he is like but honestly the feelings when your dad is a no show or listening to another excuse from your mum is gut wrenching and causes years of damage. I'm 41 and still turn to that little girl waiting for her dad. It's toxic. Do not allow it to continue. I honestly think a little less of my mother for allowing my df to treat me so awfully under the guise of 'blood' and 'but his your dad' no just no.

This is so sad. Your mum could have stopped contact with your dad but I bet you'd have blamed her for that too. The person at fault here is your dad, not your mum.

My best friend blamed her mum for her dad's affair. If only she'd been thinner, more fun etc etc. At the end of the day the only person at fault was her dad but she really could not see that.

Been there. Done that. Does he pay any support for the child? I eventually went to solicitors and got a letter (at great cost) saying he had to pony up money for his child (a paltry amount) and he had to agree to contact at a certain time every week. (We lived in different places and was via Zoom).
He refused all of these things and we severed all contact. This was far better for my child as they no longer had to deal with someone who was inconsistent and constantly let them down. 11 is a difficult age for a child. Tell the Dad he either turns up consistently or he doesn't at all. It's not fair on your child.
I've seen this scenario play out with other people I know. They all end with the kid not speaking to the Dad eventually.

I have a son who is similar to this "dad", with two kids he did sod all for and an "inherited" tribe along with two more he sired!
So many stories l could cite, but in essence - the kids will grow up better without that example of influence. Good luck to you and the kids.

My dad was similar and one year when he didn’t even send me a birthday card I remember my mum asking him why and he said he bought one and was ready to post it, but his new gf’s child ate the stamp!

My ex was useless at organising visits or turning up when he said he would.

He had a pack of lies - sorry, reasons, as to why he couldn't see them such as:
-he was hungover (actually probably true)
-he scratched his bank card so couldn't put any fuel in his car, and no one - including his GF, would lend him money for fuel.
-his car suddenly stopped going over 30mph, so he couldn't go on the motorway.

My daughter hasn't seen her dad since last July.
I'm so glad I read this thread it's made me realise I've absolutely done the right thing.
I sent him one text saying "you obviously don't care just leave us alone" and poof he was gone.
She's 3 and still talks about him. He's made no attempts at contact in that time.
I'm so glad I stopped it she deserves so much better than his neglect.
I still feel guilty constantly and have one at least one strong disagreement with other adults about it (you've got no right to stop him etc. Etc.).
I don't really even see it as me stopping him it's not like he even text back.
Hopefully she will forget him soon.

Cut him off and protect your son. You should have done this years ago to be honest instead of giving this waste of space more opportunities to disappoint and hurt your child.

My Mum told my brother's Dad to F off when he was 18 months old (after a similar situation of excuses and disappearing then coming back and confusing the hell out of everyone) and has never regretted it.

Does he pay any maintenance?

Looking after' his younger child is a joke anyway. Surely he's just parenting?!

He could and should have them both at the same time, of course, but I don't understand your opinion here.

"Looking after" them on the weekends that mum is working is exactly the correct term. What else is he supposed to say? It's not the same as saying "babysit" which implies you aren't the parent, "looking after" is what every parent does.

Would you really have thought I better for him to say "I can't do weekends because I'm parenting my children while mum is at work"?

My dds dad sent an email nearly 3 years ago to say they were too like me and weren't welcome in his house. Copied in the girls too. They've seen him 3 times since, humoured his requests for these meetings as they were special birthdays and he needed his Facebook photos to show the world he sees them. Best thing he genuinely thinks he's a great Dad with a good relationship with his kids, they (now young adults really) laugh at him behind his back and really couldn't care less. One groans when he texts she just doesn't want to know now. Sad all round really but he had loads of excuses in the years coming up to that email, for all 3 of us it was a relief when it came and I've never replied to him I was so done with his lies and constant poor treatment of my dds

My friends ex saw their son spordaically numerous excuses he cant afford it (on a 100k wage) hes not buying him any clothes he already pays maintenance and hes busy at work

ten years later he decides to see him and lies sayng my friend wouldnt let him see him and maniulates him to moving in with him because of his age nothing can be done

absolute arsehole

I'd tell the dad that you're going to court to set proper access and maintenance terms and if he fails to turn up for access visit on one occasion you'll be asking the court to amend it to no access whatsoever.

See if he bucks his ideas up then!

He had the cold has to be up there for me. I'm on my own with 2 all week and if I'm ill have to suck it up and keep going but you can't come get them for a few hours coz you have the cold! Wtf

He could take them out together as both are his children. Swimming, train to somewhere they don't normally go to, football in a park, maybe a place where they have climbing frames and rope ladders. A lot of councils have these in public areas. Climbing walls are interesting and sometimes have a cafe attached. The cost isn't much.
If he can't dream up something to interest both children then he's not much of a dad.