The lamest excuse not to see your kids ever 🤯

[Kage30]

Ds is 11, his dad has been in his life but inconsistent. One month there, then the next gone, we don't hear from him for ages. We split when I was pregnant. I never forced him to be a dad. He makes plans with Ds then let's him down, doesn't turn up. Basically - he's useless. He lives 3 miles away btw so no hardship in travelling.

I've heard some cracking excuses over the years.

I don't give a crap if Ds sees his dad or not myself, makes no difference to me. When he sees him it's just for an hour or two anyway. But I feel for ds. He asks why his dad doesn't see him much. He's often a typical Disney dad and turns up with expensive gifts on Christmas Day when he hasn't seen him in weeks.

Anyway, back to the point of my post.

DS's dad has a partner and they have a 4 year old child. His dad actually said last week that he'd see him this weekend. Now he's texted to say that his partner has a new job working weekends and he has to 'look after' their young child so can't have ds, but I assume he means every weekend, not just this weekend.

'Looking after' his younger child is a joke anyway. Surely he's just parenting?! And he could have both his dc at the same time surely?

I'd rather he didn't see him at all sometimes but I try and keep it going, although it's hanging on by a thread. I don't want to be the person seen as the bad guy when all of this on DS's dad, not me. I've never made it hard for him to see him!

So yeah. Proabbkt the lamest excuse I've ever heard 'I can't have Ds because, girlfriend has a new job working weekends and I need to look after my younger Ds' - who he lives with!!

It's rubbish but sometimes things improve when the DC with new partner start asking about their sibling or want to spend some time with elder. It's rubbish for you and your DS but things might get better in a few years if it's not too late. If you lose your patience, you might remind him that his new DC will realise their DF is a complete waste of space unless he improves now.

Good luck.

Didn't want to see them due to the risk of covid and there health and well-being sounds like a great reason till you work out we were on lockdown no school no childcare and I had to take ds2 to the shops with me where all the people are and he is the one with a health condition that dad claimed he wanted to protect....I actually argued with him please just watch him in the park just outside for an hour on the grass (couldn't use the equipment but you could initially take a ball and play in the field) just an hour so I can get food (no online slots) he said no flat out no

Cunt that he is

My 11 year old loves playing with my 4 year old.
How wonderful that your son gets to spend time with his half sibling as well! Every weekend sounds great.

But seriously, his dad is a dick.

My ex hadn't seen the kids for about 2 years, came and picked them up, dropped them back a couple of hours later because he had to look after his girlfriends kids.

Now it's been about 3 years since he saw them, he doesn't even bother with excuses anymore, just blocked me and my kids so nobody can contact him and tells everyone I'm withholding the children from him. Fool.

The blaggers are awful. Really, they don't give a shit but liw to the child/ themselves/ the person who's pants they want to get in about being committed etc. It's a death by a thousand cuts for the child. A dad never being there is better than a lifetime of being left waiting at the window.

Ah. I'd arranged a trip to the Harry Potter studios in London.
Ds was 10. Dd was 8. Both massive HP fans.
Both ASD ('high functioning'). I'd disc it with H beforehand - all good.
We live in Scotland and NO money so it was a BIG expense.

I gave them the tickets as the main part of their Xmas gifts.
They were SO excited. I'd bought outfits, books, lots of extras.
Next day H said he 'didn't want to go in case they 'embarrassed him'.
I am disabled & couldn't safely take them solo.
I thought I'd have to cancel the trip. In the end, a 65 y/o friend who lived in London (but who I'd not seen for 25 years & who'd never met my kids & doesn't have kids / cant cope with kids themselves) helped me for the two days. Carried bags, chatted to kids, came to McD's etc
Never respected H from that moment.

He lives 8m away now. Excuses include: 'too tired / they are tiring'.
Will occasionally take them 'for the day' (a bike ride if I scaffold it / provide packed lunch / petrol etc) When he has them he just talks about stuff he's interested in / puts the TV on anyway. Utter utter git.

Sorry for rant OP. I feel your pain.

Good on you for not creating a huge drama with your sons father over this. You are letting your son see for himself what a feckless specimen he has for a dad and when the time comes will be able to use the knowledge he has to decide whether he wants him in his life or not. Meantime you have been calm, loving and consistent, exactly what a child needs 👏 ❤

If he’s texted you I’d reply saying why can’t he have DS too? DS just wants to see him if brother there too that’s fine.
If he’s caring for little one every weekend and doesn’t want the brothers to meet (why?) or can’t mind two then what are his proposals?

All these flaming wastes of space masquerading as parents really pisses me off.

I think ever poster who says 'his crazy ex won't let him see the kids' needs to read this thread first! They lie - they let their kids down and because that's (sort of) socially unacceptable they make out it's the mums fault.

I'd suggest not making plans for DS to go and not to tell him until his dad is literally at the door! Complete bell end for not being able to look after 2 kids at once - esp when one of them is 11!!

One of the most Laugh or cry was being sent a photo of emergency services and saying he couldn't get past to get the kids for his Xmas visit.
Quick google search found the image was from a news report days earlier

My xh sees our sons one night a week at their granpas as his gf refuses to let them stay at her house. Our dd refuses to go so he sees her about once every few months.
He babysits his gf kids as she works shifts, they all go out together as a family and on holiday. He took our kids to a caravan once five years ago.
He thinks he is a brilliant dad. I hope the cunt dies a slow horrible death.

And you left him, did you?

Well done. good move.

You know that song I can't remember the name of? "and the cat in the cradle and silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon? When you coming home, son, I don't know when, but we'll have a good time then, son, you know we'll have a good time then" The dad never turns up and then he gets old the boy never visits him?

It'd make a good ring tone.

My older children didn't see their dad for over 9months - not even a txt to me to ask how they are - when he finally surfaced ( I txt him because my 12 year old asked to see him) his excuse was "you were pregnant so I thought I'd give you space"

We have been split over 11 years and both have partners - lamest excuse and to top it off he's sold the sofa beds so cannot/will not have his children overnight.

He promised a overnight trip and cancelled last minute because the caravan didn't have WiFi - he went anyway with his partner. Haven't heard from him since then

@TibetanTerrah

An "in and out" dad is more damaging to your child than one thats just out.

Absolutely agree... I've seen my little ones sitting on their little suitcases waiting for their deadbeat daddy to show up.

heartbreaking...absolutely heartbreaking to them and to me.
I finally said, ENOUGH

I think ever poster who says 'his crazy ex won't let him see the kids' needs to read this thread first! They lie - they let their kids down and because that's (sort of) socially unacceptable they make out it's the mums fault.

Exactly what I was thinking.

You can bet your life that when he decides it suits him to spend time with his own child that he'll expect you to drop any plans you might have already made to facilitate it for him. And if you dare say no, its not convenient at that time, instead if arranging a mutually suitable date he will just tell everyone how you won't let him see his kid.

(My friend is going through this exact thing at the moment with her sons father who's been awol for the last couple of years)

The best excuse I got one weekend, at the last minute as usual, was that he had been stopped for speeding/dangerous driving previously (which he had) and, even though the court case had been postponed, the judge had apparently phoned him that day to say he was temporarily taking his licence away for that weekend only. So I offered to drop them off instead but noooo........

It’s a man thing. I know a few men who say things like “ I’ve got the kids this weekend “, or “I’m babysitting the kids this weekend.” It’s really pathetic.

Thankfully my own husband was never one of these men.

It's damaging to your son.
I think I'd go nuclear on the ex and point-blank tell him to fuck off once and for all because his flakiness is causing ongoing harm to DS so Ex might as well have the balls to say he doesn't give a fuck about him and leave him alone for good, that he'd be slightly less pathetic of a father if he managed that.

I know lots of kids who recovered from having an absent dad. It's much harder to recover from having a shit flaky uncaring one.

I've heard all sorts from my ex... he's too tired, his new partner's car broke down (but not his?), he might have to work (but gets his rota three months in advance..)

I finally stopped trying to make arrangements with him when DD was 13. Now she's 17, it's very much adhoc. So almost never (she hasn't seen him this year yet and only saw him twice, for an hour each, last year). She sees him for exactly what he is though, and has pretty much lost interest.

I think ever poster who says 'his crazy ex won't let him see the kids' needs to read this thread first!

Was just writing the same! I bet most men described on this thread tell everybody how much they miss their kids, but see, the ex..

What an utter failure of a human being. I'm so sorry for your son.

Surely at 11 your day would be a help to him with the 4year old. Certainly is a rubbish excuse!

OP - sounds like we were with the same person 😖 my ex-husband is exactly as you describe, except he disappears for longer periods

My dad once text my mum that he didn’t have weather appropriate shoes (it was raining) so he wasn’t coming to get me luckily he fucked off to Canada not long after and it’s going on 25 years since I last saw the bastard

I'd reply : Sorry I don't understand why you can't have both your children at the same time? But if you're going to just make any excuse to let him down over and over then I think it would be better if you stayed out of his life. The next time you let him down will have to be the last as it is emotionally abusive and really taking a toll on him. He would be better off with no father if this is the best you can do.