The lamest excuse not to see your kids ever 🤯

[Kage30]

Ds is 11, his dad has been in his life but inconsistent. One month there, then the next gone, we don't hear from him for ages. We split when I was pregnant. I never forced him to be a dad. He makes plans with Ds then let's him down, doesn't turn up. Basically - he's useless. He lives 3 miles away btw so no hardship in travelling.

I've heard some cracking excuses over the years.

I don't give a crap if Ds sees his dad or not myself, makes no difference to me. When he sees him it's just for an hour or two anyway. But I feel for ds. He asks why his dad doesn't see him much. He's often a typical Disney dad and turns up with expensive gifts on Christmas Day when he hasn't seen him in weeks.

Anyway, back to the point of my post.

DS's dad has a partner and they have a 4 year old child. His dad actually said last week that he'd see him this weekend. Now he's texted to say that his partner has a new job working weekends and he has to 'look after' their young child so can't have ds, but I assume he means every weekend, not just this weekend.

'Looking after' his younger child is a joke anyway. Surely he's just parenting?! And he could have both his dc at the same time surely?

I'd rather he didn't see him at all sometimes but I try and keep it going, although it's hanging on by a thread. I don't want to be the person seen as the bad guy when all of this on DS's dad, not me. I've never made it hard for him to see him!

So yeah. Proabbkt the lamest excuse I've ever heard 'I can't have Ds because, girlfriend has a new job working weekends and I need to look after my younger Ds' - who he lives with!!

My fuckwit ex said he couldn't afford to drive the 20 minutes to see our DC as he was on furlough.
Managed the eight hour round trip to see his girlfriend though!
I think that was the worst excuse he ever came up with.

Movin That is so sad.

Is correct arranged via yourself?

If so, shut down completely.

Truthfully
I would be relieved my son wasn’t going around

whatchu allow continues..
i get its no skin of your nose//no be a dad pressure
even if you currently have a perfect relationship with ds....
the knock on(wankydad)rejection is gonna ffilter thro and you-will have to deal with it.
you could suggest to ex...to stop being a thoughtless c++t,if hes oblivious to the effect,let him know?

@Gowithme

I'd reply : Sorry I don't understand why you can't have both your children at the same time? But if you're going to just make any excuse to let him down over and over then I think it would be better if you stayed out of his life. The next time you let him down will have to be the last as it is emotionally abusive and really taking a toll on him. He would be better off with no father if this is the best you can do.

That is excellent @Gowithme

I'd remove the opening "sorry" because the person who should be sorry is him.

My ex said he wouldn’t be seeing our children because it was raining 🤷‍♀️

I could fill a book with stories about my ex . Because of DA I had to meet him outdoors to hand over the children every second Saturday ( no overnights- his choice) . It was court ordered so I had to make them available . He turned up fewer than 6 times in a year , was always late and dropped them off early so I could never make plans.
His next wife didn’t want the DC around so he stopped seeing them completely. He then divorced again and moved abroad to avoid paying maintenance.
Years later , he is divorced again and has moved back near to where our adult DC live . Can’t understand why they are not interested in a relationship with him and blames me but the DC are having none of that .
I know it’s awful for those of you going through this but honestly I have 3 amazing DC and DGC who adore me and my DH and they certainly don’t blame me.

AHungryCaterpillar

My ex said he wouldn’t be seeing our children because it was raining 🤷‍♀️

Sorry , that made me laugh !

@Gowithme

I'd reply : Sorry I don't understand why you can't have both your children at the same time? But if you're going to just make any excuse to let him down over and over then I think it would be better if you stayed out of his life. The next time you let him down will have to be the last as it is emotionally abusive and really taking a toll on him. He would be better off with no father if this is the best you can do.

I like this approch :)

My favourite is "I have too much uni work" been his main excuse for the last 3 years - I have been in uni for the same time that he has but clearly don't need free time to do my own work? Always happens the week before exam week.

Also "girlfriend has work" - so?

And "can't cause covid" - despite literally everyone knowing exceptions were made for parents travelling to see children.

Also once cancelled without telling me to go to a wedding, assumed I would switch weekends without asking me, turned up the next weekend to pick DS up - again, without contacting me - at which point I told him we had a family birthday to attend...

He then had the audacity to request that next time I let him know if I'm going to "change his contact arrangements for a party"

Funnily enough half way through writing this comment I got a call from his other kids mum saying he has requested that SHE prompt him to call his other child more often as "he's shit at organisation" and it makes him feel guilty so he avoids calling

Some of the most dumb reasons my ex has bailed on our son (ex lives with his parents):

• His mum is cooking a roast
• The fish tank is making a funny noise
• DS’s cousins came round unexpectedly
• Social anxiety about an event he was going to in a few days time
• He hadn’t eaten all day

I don’t tell my son his dad is coming unless he’s messaged me to say he’s on his way. Luckily my son is only 2 and too little to understand. I have a funny feeling that he’s gonna cancel tomorrow too. We’ll see.

I’m sorry, OP. It sucks.

@Chilledchablis1

AHungryCaterpillar

My ex said he wouldn’t be seeing our children because it was raining 🤷‍♀️

Sorry , that made me laugh !

It made me laugh too at how pathetic he was, as if he wouldn’t go out if it’s raining, so he would not go to work because it’s raining?! So whilst the op ex is rubbish I’ve definitely heard worse excuses, when my ex got a weekend job he said he wouldn’t be seeing the kids at all anymore as they are in school in the week and he works weekends so won’t be seeing them anymore 🤦🏻

Another one was my sisters ex saying he couldn’t have their son because his fridge had broken

Oh my x also used covid as an excuse not to see dcs for 8 weeks. He moved in with his girlfriend over an hour away and when I asked him what I would do if I got covid and was unable to look after kids he just said he didnt know.
I really badly hurt myself the very first of week of lockdown. I should have been in hospital but had noone to look after dcs so I suffered in agony. Yup cunt.

Fish tank making a funny noise! Haha!!

Love it. This is all making me think. My ex had been prettt inconstant over the years. I’m now wondering if I’ve somehow colluded with the damaging impact by not saying much.

Still hasn’t got a base to see them. Lives sign his gf who has MH issues so it’s ‘awkward’

Because of course you wouldn’t go out for coffee or dinner with your teens, would you.

Fucking arse.

@OldTinHat

The father of my two DS phoned me when DS2 was in the pushchair and I was waiting for DS1 to come out of reception at home time. He said, ,"I won't be seeing the boys anymore. It doesn't suit." And hung up. And he never did.

@oldtinhat

That's awful. If it's any consolation I guess you are all better off without this lowlife.
All credit to you for carrying your family.

@MrsBerthaRochester

Oh my x also used covid as an excuse not to see dcs for 8 weeks. He moved in with his girlfriend over an hour away and when I asked him what I would do if I got covid and was unable to look after kids he just said he didnt know. I really badly hurt myself the very first of week of lockdown. I should have been in hospital but had noone to look after dcs so I suffered in agony. Yup cunt.

I'm sorry your ex is like this. Some just don't care.

DS's dad didn't see him through the first lockdown, to be honest I was totally fine with that at the time but he told Ds himself that 'dads are not allowed to see their children during the lockdown'. Ds went back to school in the summer after first lockdown and a staff member said that kids are still allowed to travel between parents houses (not the teachers fault, just stating facts). It made Ds doubt his dad and what he says!

@Mumoblue

Some of the most dumb reasons my ex has bailed on our son (ex lives with his parents):

• His mum is cooking a roast
• The fish tank is making a funny noise
• DS’s cousins came round unexpectedly
• Social anxiety about an event he was going to in a few days time
• He hadn’t eaten all day

I don’t tell my son his dad is coming unless he’s messaged me to say he’s on his way. Luckily my son is only 2 and too little to understand. I have a funny feeling that he’s gonna cancel tomorrow too. We’ll see.

I’m sorry, OP. It sucks.

I'm sorry, this isn't funny but those excuses are almost laughable!!

@implantreplace

Truthfully I would be relieved my son wasn’t going around

100 percent! I think this is finally the point I am done with it. I could write a book to be honest!

@ValkyrieVik thank you. I am currently nc and intend to stay that way despite the many emotional blackmailing voicemail I now get from an old man that has decided he needs me. I don't really have feelings for him either way anymore. It's sad for him but hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess. Not that he will have regrets as he is eternally selfish and will think it is all on me. Because he is my father by blood does not mean I have to tolerate toxic abusive behaviour. Although I did for a long time but I do think it's because my mother allowed it so a sense of this is normal. If she had made it clear it was not on for him to behave like that he may have bucked his ideas up or he may have left me less damaged. Who knows. But anyone who is in this position including the Op should put a stop to the abuse

My ex has seen the kids twice since September - and not all during lockdown in case he caught Covid. At Christmas his gf called my 15 year old DD (who has depression) ungrateful and difficult because she was upset I was isolating and couldn't hug me. ExDH went in a mood saying that she should want to hug him and refused to speak to her. Last Christmas he called her a bitch. And he thinks I have ruined my life by leaving him?!

I'm in my late 30s now, but my earliest memory is of being about 3/4 and my mum dressing me up for my f to visit and he never showed. I sat in our bay window, and remember the feeling of panic at him not showing up.
Unfortunately this wasn't a one off. Contact was similar to that over my childhood , he would turn up once every few months. We would never do anything nice, he would take me to various family members and sleep off his hangover. We haven't spoken for a few years now as I realised I still felt that same panic when he was coming and so started ignoring him. He gave up really quickly so obviously never gave a stuff. He asked me once why my young DC didn't call him grandad , I told them he was a family friend. I didn't want them let down like me.
It had a big effect on me when I was a teen and I spent quite a few years rushing in and out of relationships with anyone who showed me a bit of interest, and I really believe that's related to being let down so much as a child.
I was extremely lucky to have a stepdad who loved and cared for me like I was his own. My dc call him grandad and I call him dad. I often forget it's not biological.
I wish so much that my DM had not facilitated his visits (He wouldn't have been bothered to take it to court) and had protected me and saved me all that hurt.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

I'd respond with "God forbid you'd look after both your children at the same time and they'd get to know each other?. It's no skin off my nose but DS is very hurt by your flakiness and your intermittent presence in his life. Let me be clear that I won't insist that he sees you if he decides that he wants to stop"

Absolutely this! ^.

My dds dad said to dh last month that he would be away for the whole of july, yes 5 months away and the school holidays, well fancy that!! Except he does 4 weeks on/ 4 off and by my calculations his away time ends on the 7th july. I'm sure he'll offer himself in a platter so he can spend the 6 weeks away.

Cunts.

Well, my DHs ex eventually stopped having the DC overnight because she was apparently too tired to get them up in time for school (she worked 16 hours a week, we both worked FT and somehow still coped)

Before that she would cancel because she wanted to go for a run… or because she couldn’t cope with having two at once (spoiler… there are three children and she never had them together)

Now as teenagers, the eldest hasn’t seen her in over two years (his choice, he nearly died from sepsis and she never even texted him to ask how he was) and the younger two see her maybe once every six months for an hour. They learn for themselves in time what shitty absent parents are really like.