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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP doesnt want to see me- who's unreasonable

132 replies

Blossomtree12 · 10/03/2022 21:00

I have a cold, which a caught from my DS. Lft all negative. I feel OK just a chesty cough.

DP said they don't want to see me over the weekend because they don't want my cold. I said if we lived together you couldn't just kick me out because of a cold.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 11/03/2022 01:03

@Bez3627

It's a ridiculous way to talk. I thought the OP was talking about parents as 'DP' because using 'they' sounded plural.
‘They’ doesn’t just sound plural, it is plural.
GoIntoTheLight · 11/03/2022 01:08

"Even pre-COVID I wouldn't go and socialise with someone I knew had a cold."

This. And I wouldn't inflict my cold on someone unless I absolutely had to. Which you don't.

YABU.

TheCatterall · 11/03/2022 01:23

If myself or my partner are ill we don’t see each other. Simples.

Why potentially make someone else ill. Whose to say they won’t get it worse than you etc?

I’d be really pissed off if the chap came round to stay whilst he was ill. Plus - he’s ill and unlikely to want to do loads of stuff and better if just chilling and resting at his house.

YABU.

HoppingPavlova · 11/03/2022 02:08

I’m team partner. Even long before Covid, if DH had a cold I’d even kick him out of the bed, hug me and I’ll kill youGrin, in short wanted him as far away as possible. I returned the favour if I was the one with the cold. Colds are just miserable. Not sick as such to justify time off work but streaming nose, thumping head and just miserable. Who wants to catch it if there’s even a slim chance of avoiding it?

Kennykenkencat · 11/03/2022 02:31

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
This was what I hated.

I never just get a cold that is annoying, and infection goes straight into my lungs and it could be 3 weeks to get myself right.

If you have a cold. Stay at home and stop infecting others.
Whilst you might be ok with a cold, others are not.

CandyLeBonBon · 11/03/2022 02:38

If you don’t live together, aren’t they your girl/boyfriend...if you don’t share a home/finances how are you ‘DPs?’ You have separate homes/lives.

You can be a firmly committed couple with intertwined lives, joint interests and commitments and still be considered 'partners'.

I don't live with my DP family of 4 years, for various reasons, all sensible, but he is very much my 'partner'. I even know happily married couples who don't live together! You don't get to define someone else's relationship.

LilacPaisley · 11/03/2022 06:45

Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses
Not true at all. Not for everybody. I wouldn't visit someone if I had a cold and wouldn't welcome others visiting me. Even before covid.

Catshaveiteasy · 11/03/2022 06:49

I hadn't had a full on cold for a few years until just before Christmas- it was horrendous. I was off work by then anyway but not sure I could have coped at work if I hadn't been as I felt pretty lethargic on top of everything else. (No it wasn't covid)

Covid has made me wonder why we accepted other people's awful colds. Working closely with someone who has one, hoping you won't catch it is no fun.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 11/03/2022 06:51

But since you don't live together they do have a choice.
Yabu but I hope you feel better soon.

Ponchek · 11/03/2022 06:51

I would have myself told him to stay away.

I wouldn't want to give it him. Then it's up to him.

JustLyra · 11/03/2022 06:52

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
Because people have finally realised that life is actually better when avoiding unnecessary illnesses
gamerchick · 11/03/2022 06:54

I actively avoided people if I knew they were I'll before covid. Why expose yourself unnecessarily? Your partner is being sensible and you're sound like hard work. Be ill on your own, best place to do it.

gamerchick · 11/03/2022 07:00

It couldn’t be less relevant to the thread. Surely your advice would be the same regardless of the partner’s gender?

Still bloody irritating though.

I hope you don't go visiting people when you're ill OP, you seem to imply that you do. It's a pisstake. Don't do it.

KatherineJaneway · 11/03/2022 07:12

We aren't. We actually haven't spent alot of time together recently

So it is more you think he is using your cold as an excuse not to see you?

arethereanyleftatall · 11/03/2022 07:21

So you actively want your partner, a person you presumably like, to get ill? Very weird. Yabu.

I do have a very low tolerance of what I would accept in a relationship, but if my partner was getting huffy because I didn't want to see them when they were a little bit poorly, but still capable of looking after themselves, it would be a huge -they're selfish red flag.

SleeplessInEngland · 11/03/2022 07:25

The OP’s drip-drip posting (no pun intended) makes this feel like a wind-up thread.

Seasidemumma77 · 11/03/2022 07:31

One of the many joys of not living together, is when either dp or I are ill we don't see each other unless to drop in shopping/medicine.

Brefugee · 11/03/2022 08:00

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now

and i criticised them roundly for it. Plus do you know you have a cold? i developed a cold last week, a week's worth of negative LFTs then BOOM! positive and positive PCR.

The less we mix with sick people, the less risk we have of getting sick and passing it on to other people

GabriellaMontez · 11/03/2022 08:04

He's not your partner, if he doesn't want to 'risk' a cold.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 11/03/2022 08:53

YABU. On every level. On wanting to risk your DP getting ill. On being so sure it's not Covid when lots of people have cold symptoms first, test negative and then positive a few days later or test negative by lft then positive by pcr.
And even if you did live together, it's not an excuse to be negligent with the other person's health.

JustLyra · 11/03/2022 08:54

@GabriellaMontez

He's not your partner, if he doesn't want to 'risk' a cold.
That’s a bizarre thing to say. So unless someone is willing to get unwell they’re not your partner?
ManateeFair · 11/03/2022 09:05

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
Because colds are unpleasant and gross and people would rather not catch them, perhaps?

I’ve just had a cold that pretty much wiped me out for two weeks. Hacking cough, sore throat, sinus pain, streaming nose, banging headache. Ear ache. Sleepless nights. Miserable. Knackered.

If someone with a cold asked me to go round their house they would get a resounding no.

You are being spoilt and selfish.

aSofaNearYou · 11/03/2022 09:17

YADBU.

This is such a selfish attitude.

AlternativePerspective · 11/03/2022 09:23

Are the pair of you gender neutral? Otherwise what’s with the “they”?

As for the cold, maybe if more people stayed away from others when they had colds most people wouldn’t get sick in the winter. If anything I would hope that COVID has taught people that it’s a good idea to stay home and away from others when you have cold and flu symptoms. Maybe then the NHS wouldn’t be overwhelmed every winter anyway.

I have a serious heart condition so when anyone near me has a cold they stay away. But equally I wouldn’t ever want to pass my cold germs to anyone else regardless of their health. Colds can be miserable even if they are fairly general for the most part.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 11/03/2022 09:29

YABU. Even before Covid, I would avoid seeing people if I could, when I had a cold. It's not fair to pass on those germs if I could help it. It won't kill you to not see him until you're better.