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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP doesnt want to see me- who's unreasonable

132 replies

Blossomtree12 · 10/03/2022 21:00

I have a cold, which a caught from my DS. Lft all negative. I feel OK just a chesty cough.

DP said they don't want to see me over the weekend because they don't want my cold. I said if we lived together you couldn't just kick me out because of a cold.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 10/03/2022 21:59

Surely one of advantages of not living with someone is not needing to see them when you are ill?

PizzaPizza56 · 10/03/2022 22:03

Even pre-covid I steered clear of anyone with germs. I don't want to be ill if I can help it!!

AlohaMolly · 10/03/2022 22:03

I don’t think your DP is being unreasonable at all. I do live with my DP and have spent quite a few nights on the sofa over the last few years, as he’s prone to getting stomach bugs and I can’t bear the idea of catching it and being ill and still having to look after my (now) five year old Grin and, yes, I suppose I have been a bit more ‘germ conscious’ since 2020.

Startuplife · 10/03/2022 22:03

I have my first cold in 2 years right now. Bloody typical after two days back in the office.

DP had the window open in the car earlier so he doesn’t catch it and will sleep on the sofa tonight😂 He’s self employed though so does worry about taking time off work. But tbh I’d probably be the same if it was the other way around. I’d forgotten how rough they make me feel and the constantly streaming nose is not ideal on zoom calls!

ImustLearn2Cook · 10/03/2022 22:05

When I was younger, a previous partner who thought that they only had a cold turned out to have had glandular fever. We didn’t live together and I wish I had avoided spending the weekend with him while he was sick with “only a cold.”

I caught glandular fever from him and it really messed with my immune system for a long time.

So, YABU and your partner is smarter than I was.

blameless · 10/03/2022 22:08

@Namechangeof2021

You, sorry.

I caught "just a cold" from a friend last month and it took me 3 weeks to get rid of the snot and phlegm. Just as I was starting to feel normal again OH brought home another shitty viral thing from work and here we go again.

Some people just don't fight off colds and whatnot as easy as others, those tend to be the people who really try to avoid them.

Me and the missus had the same very productive, heavy cold for ten days, then just as it was lifting, we both tested positive for Covid.

I've been giving the walking wounded a wide berth ever since.

Hiddenvoice · 10/03/2022 22:08

My husband and I don’t avoid each other when
either one of us is unwell but we don’t kiss incase we pass it on.
A few years ago we had a cold thag kept travelling around the house since we were close so now we try distance ourselves so we’re not passing jr on.
I don’t think he’s being mean by keeping his distance. It’s just one weekend. Just take the time to relax and help yourself feel better and see him next week

Hawkins001 · 10/03/2022 22:10

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
Because it still effects health, and I understand your perspectives op, but sometimes people are or at least some are more cautious, and some business you cannot really take time off, especially of they are already under staffed ect?
NoNow · 10/03/2022 22:14

Yeah another one for what's up with the "they" ?

Theunamedcat · 10/03/2022 22:15

He was around you yesterday? With the same cold? Yanbu that would irritate me

StoppinBy · 10/03/2022 22:16

Without a doubt it's you.

You don't live together so that point is moot.

A few days apart wont hurt you and then he can avoid catching your cold..... seems sensible to me.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/03/2022 22:16

It doesn't matter if it's a cold, covid, or ringworm. Everyone has the right not to expose themselves to a communicable disease. No one wants to get sick. Sure, if you live with someone it's going to happen occasionally, but you aren't living together so that is completely irrelevant. And just because someone gets paid sick time, that doesn't mean they shouldn't care if they get sick. Seriously?

Get a grip. Be happy that your DP is concerned about contagion. That way when it's him/her who is ill, he/she won't be coming around and giving it to you.

ancientgran · 10/03/2022 22:16

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
I had a chesty cold, did 2 LFT both negative. Next day I did another one, still negative. My DH is vulnerable to I decided to get a PCR. It was positive.
Changechangychange · 10/03/2022 22:19

@Muppetlove

What's with the they? Are you trying to hide your sexes?
It’s just a dialectical quirk. No idea where OP is from but my whole extended family do this. It doesn’t mean anything Hmm
Tdcp · 10/03/2022 22:19

Sorry but I wouldn't want to see you either. I really don't want to be around someone who has a cold when I don't have to be because I really just don't want to be ill you know? And saying he has sick days is a bit out of order tbh, it doesn't matter if he does, it's up to him if he wants to go without pay etc if he's too unwell and he doesn't want to risk that.

RampantIvy · 10/03/2022 22:26

They/he/she/it is not being unreasonable. I can weather a cold, but given the choice I would rather avoid one.

Why are you being so cagey about the sex of your partner? It is the 21st century. No-one cares whether you are gay, straight or whatever.

Nothingsfine · 10/03/2022 22:27

YABU

dwightkurtschrute · 10/03/2022 22:27

Yabu and sound very clingy.

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 10/03/2022 22:29

How many partners do you have, op?

FairWindClearSailing · 10/03/2022 22:34

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
Surely it's always been common courtesy to let someone know you're ill before meeting up?
LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 10/03/2022 22:35

I’m in the keep your germs to yourself camp but I feel nurturing towards my loved ones when they’re sick and instinctively want to keep them close. I think it’s a bad sign for a relationship in the early days if sickness makes you draw back. I still have a hot water bottle and teddy bear that dh brought over when I caught a cold in our first few months, and he proposed when I had flu.

bultaoreune · 10/03/2022 22:35

I thought by DP you meant your parent, not your partner so I have changed it from YBU to YNBU. When my husband had covid I look after him, obviously don't go near him but still there to keep and eye on him and keep him company. When my child had covid, they slept with me for comfort. When you are a family you stick together and look after each other when one person is poorly, not abandon them.

WouldBeGood · 10/03/2022 22:43

I don’t think YABU @Blossomtree12. It’s rubbish enough to have a cold without being left without seeing your DP.

I think it’s not nice of them, and I’d be a bit sad too.

50DaysAF · 10/03/2022 22:45

YABU.
If they get a chesty cough they will have to lft. They might also be asked to wfh or need to take time off sick if they catch the cold too.
No thanks.

Saracen · 10/03/2022 22:45

There are advantages and disadvantages to living separately. One advantage is that you don't have to be exposed to each other's colds.

Why would you want your partner to suffer a cold needlessly? (And it certainly could be Covid; false negative LFTs are extremely common.)

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