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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP doesnt want to see me- who's unreasonable

132 replies

Blossomtree12 · 10/03/2022 21:00

I have a cold, which a caught from my DS. Lft all negative. I feel OK just a chesty cough.

DP said they don't want to see me over the weekend because they don't want my cold. I said if we lived together you couldn't just kick me out because of a cold.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/03/2022 22:45

Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses

That was pretty shitty of you. I'm glad COVID had made you more aware.

Ragwort · 10/03/2022 22:48

It's hardly abandoning someone just because you don't want to spend time with your 'partner' when they've got a cold (& isn't it really a boyfriend/girlfriend- everyone on Mumsnet seems to refer to their 'partner' after dating for a few weeks Hmm?). It's not as if you are terminally ill and they have said they don't want to see you.

Ragwort · 10/03/2022 22:50

Why is it rubbish to be left without seeing your DP if you've got a cold ... if I am unwell I want to be in bed, alone, with a hot water bottle, I certainly don't want someone fussing around me.

shssandhr · 10/03/2022 22:50

Why are you being so cagey about the sex of your partner? It is the 21st century. No-one cares whether you are gay, straight or whatever

Agree. All this "they" is really really irritating.
Unless your DP's pronouns are actually "they/them".
But "they" seems to be popping up on every other OP these days and I don't believe for one minute that all of those people are using "they/them" as their preferred pronouns.

Call a spade a spade FFS.

Oh and YABU about the cold too.

Chloemol · 10/03/2022 22:54

You are, get over it

Why would any sensible person be with someone with a cold and possibly catch it

The point is you don’t live together therefore he doesn’t need to see you

Feedingthebirds1 · 10/03/2022 22:56

We actually haven't spent alot of time together recently

Is this part of the problem? You don't live together, are you feeling like he's pulling away from the relationship more generally, and maybe even that your cold is just an excuse not to see you? If you don't live together and don't see each other much, how much of a 'P' is he really?

SteakExpectations · 10/03/2022 22:56

I’m in the same situation so feel your pain but also see our DP’s POV that they don’t want to catch our lurgy! I don’t know about you, but we’ve both had so much time off work with Covid, we can’t risk any more from colds and flu if it can be avoided.

saraclara · 10/03/2022 23:04

I think Covid has made a lot of people much more aware of germs and infection in general.

Having had a career where I was surrounded by snotty kids with colds virtually every day, I find people avoiding adults that they presumably love for fear of getting a cold, a little bit precious.

WindyKnickers · 10/03/2022 23:06

They don't have to see you if they don't want to. You can't force yourself on people.

milkyaqua · 10/03/2022 23:15

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
Yes, it was foul. Covid or not, who wants to catch your "just a chesty cough"?
WrongWayApricot · 10/03/2022 23:24

You haven't spent a lot of time together but you were together yesterday. Did they not know you had a cold? I think YABU, I hate when people do this. You are suffering with a cold, you think about it and then decide to give it to someone else, so they can suffer too? Idk why anybody wants to share their illnesses if they don't have to. Just meet next weekend.

LightSpeeds · 10/03/2022 23:27

Before COVID I'd keep away from people with colds and warn people if I had one.

Who wants to get ill and take time off work (which goes on your record)?

YABU

Cheeseandlobster · 10/03/2022 23:28

So what if they get sick pay. Mabye they don't want to take sick leave. Stop being so selfish

PrincessNutella · 10/03/2022 23:37

I have a cold and it's miserable. Why would I want to give it to someone else?

alwaysmovingforwards · 10/03/2022 23:50

I said if we lived together you couldn't just kick me out because of a cold.

…yeeeeeesss…. But he doesn’t live with you

tricky29 · 10/03/2022 23:58

If you don’t live together, aren’t they your girl/boyfriend...if you don’t share a home/finances how are you ‘DPs?’ You have separate homes/lives.

I can get them not wanting to get together while you’re unwell. I share a house with my husband, when I’m ill and vice versa we’ve got nowhere else to go.

I hope you feel better soon.💐

SleepingStandingUp · 10/03/2022 23:59

I said if we lived together you couldn't just kick me out because of a cold

But you don't.
I sense this is part of the real battle?

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 11/03/2022 00:06

Clearly there’s a lot more to this than just a DP who wants to stay away because of a cold.

And, kindly, nobody cares if your DP is a man or a woman - we have no idea who you are. It doesn’t matter.

amusedbush · 11/03/2022 00:07

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
It has always driven me mad that people would come to work choked with a cold, coughing all over the office and blowing their nose at the next desk over. And going to visit someone with a cold is just rude - I'd be pissed off if a friend came to my house knowing they were ill.

DH had a cold in early December and I tried my best to stay away from him because I just knew how it would go if I caught it. Sure enough, he was fine after a few days but I was ill for almost four weeks, first with a rotten cold, then a sinus infection, then a chest infection. Just as I started to feel better, my face broke out in a painful coldsore for another week. This happens every time I get "just" a cold so I will continue to avoid sick people.

CrocodilesCry · 11/03/2022 00:12

I was going to see family last week but postponed as one of them had a chest infection (negative on LFT) that needed antibiotics.
I'd just rather not pick up someone else's cough. They totally understood.
Glad I didn't as their DH tested positive on LFT the next morning with no symptoms whatsoever.
Your DP is really not being unreasonable.

WomanStanleyWoman · 11/03/2022 00:23

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
None of that matters. Neither does the hypothetical scenario where you live together. You don’t, and your partner doesn’t want to come over - so that’s that. It’s not an issue where you have to come to a consensus.
WomanStanleyWoman · 11/03/2022 00:26

@shssandhr

Why are you being so cagey about the sex of your partner? It is the 21st century. No-one cares whether you are gay, straight or whatever

Agree. All this "they" is really really irritating.
Unless your DP's pronouns are actually "they/them".
But "they" seems to be popping up on every other OP these days and I don't believe for one minute that all of those people are using "they/them" as their preferred pronouns.

Call a spade a spade FFS.

Oh and YABU about the cold too.

It couldn’t be less relevant to the thread. Surely your advice would be the same regardless of the partner’s gender?
Bez3627 · 11/03/2022 00:30

It's a ridiculous way to talk. I thought the OP was talking about parents as 'DP' because using 'they' sounded plural.

Mumwithapub · 11/03/2022 00:47

Just get in a taxi get you and baby out go to hotel if there is no room get them to phone round from there, it will be quicker than waiting for police.

Molly70 · 11/03/2022 00:59

YANBU, I think that that when you are sick, the way your partner reacts to it is very revealing. If they don’t want to see you when you are ill suggests they will only be around when times are good. The times I have felt most loved by a partner has been when I have been ill with a cold and they still want to be around even though I have told them to say away for their own well being

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