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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP doesnt want to see me- who's unreasonable

132 replies

Blossomtree12 · 10/03/2022 21:00

I have a cold, which a caught from my DS. Lft all negative. I feel OK just a chesty cough.

DP said they don't want to see me over the weekend because they don't want my cold. I said if we lived together you couldn't just kick me out because of a cold.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 10/03/2022 21:25

LOL @Ragwort only on Mumsnet could expecting to see a boyfriend/girlfriend at the weekend be seen as 'needy'.

The point of being in a relationship is to SEE someone at regular intervals. On Mumsnet that is generally frowned upon in favour of sheet changing and towel washing though

Original poster
Blossomtree12 · 10/03/2022 21:25

@Ragwort

Why are you being so needy, you don't live with your DP, you don't need to be together 24/7 ... just chill out and concentrate on getting better.
We aren't. We actually haven't spent alot of time together recently
OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 10/03/2022 21:27

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
Even pre-COVID I wouldn't go and socialise with someone I knew had a cold.

Going to work is different as people need to pay their bills.

TimeForTeaAndG · 10/03/2022 21:29

I had a cold for a couple of days, sore sinuses, runny nose, until it wasn't a cold and I've spent the last 2 days absolutely floored with Covid.

But either way why do you want your partner to come round and potentially get I'll when it's avoidable?

thecatsthecats · 10/03/2022 21:31

Having a cold is absolutely rank. I'd rather have a bad stomach than snotting, snorting, sneezing and coughing for days on end. Why would you WANT to risk passing one on?

CharlotteRose90 · 10/03/2022 21:31

You can’t be serious? You are ill and you want your partner round? Why, are you having a pity party and want them to be a servant. Seriously get a grip you and your kid are ill, have a rest this weekend and do nothing. Instead you want to spread it around.

FloraPostePosts · 10/03/2022 21:32

We’ve lived together for over 20 years, and whenever one of us is I’ll with something contagious, one or other decamps to the spare room. It works - just sleeping apart and having our usual good hygiene usually avoids the other getting sick.

I think it’s just a kind to avoid making your partner ill if you can avoid it.

wildseas · 10/03/2022 21:34

Are you a feeling a bit sorry for yourself and wanting to be looked after? Moaning a bit about how you feel?

She’s probably finding it a bit irritating so is staying away until you’re better!!!

Irishmom7 · 10/03/2022 21:36

Partner or parents?

EmmaH2022 · 10/03/2022 21:39

I always avoid people with colds

You say you saw them yesterday morning - how did that happen? Did they know you had a cold?

Maybe they just want less exposure, who can blame them.

WTF475878237NC · 10/03/2022 21:39

Before Covid I wouldn't have gone about knowingly giving my chesty coughs to friends and family. You don't live together so they actually have the choice. Why risk getting a virus when he or she doesn't have to?

CowsAreNotGreen · 10/03/2022 21:40

DP said they don't want to see me over the weekend because they don't want my cold. I said if we lived together you couldn't just kick me out because of a cold. all that would do is put them off living with you why did you say that?!

AmandaMirandaPanda · 10/03/2022 21:41

I don't think attitudes have necessarily changed due to COVID. Even before, IME, it would be normal/usual to say to a non-live-in partner "don't come over as my cold's probably contagious; I'll see you when I'm better". Of course people in your household will catch what you have, probably before you know you have it, but why knowingly expose anyone else? (If you were seriously ill and alone and needed someone with you, that's a different matter.)

MichelleScarn · 10/03/2022 21:41

Why do you want them round, to look after you?

thenightsky · 10/03/2022 21:42

@Muppetlove

What's with the they? Are you trying to hide your sexes?
More than one DP?
FloBot7 · 10/03/2022 21:43

This reminds me of my DH's story of his ex who had a stomach bug the day before insisting on spending the weekend at his place. 12 years later and he still can't eat butter chicken. He ordered one after she arrived and within hours became violently sick. He still hasn't forgiven her Grin

Tee20x · 10/03/2022 21:44

YABU. It's different if you live with someone who is sick, then it's kind of unavoidable. But in saying that when I'm ill I don't kiss my partner on the lips - anything to minimise getting him sick and it's the same the other way around.

You have a cold, why would he knowingly want to come and be around you to get ill himself? It's bizarre that you'd think he's being unreasonable tbh.

Riverlee · 10/03/2022 21:48

I’ve had ‘just a cold’ all week and been off work.

I think covid has made people more risk adverse.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2022 21:49

Yabu, you don't live together so saying "if you did" is a moot point

Sittingonabench · 10/03/2022 21:51

Yes if you lived together he couldn’t avoid you because you had a cold but it seems you don’t live together and so it is actively visiting with a chance of getting it. So I think YABU but I hope you feel better soon.

Lovemusic33 · 10/03/2022 21:53

People are being a bit harsh, OP obviously isn’t really unwell and doesn’t need him to care for her. People don’t seem to be able to have ‘just a cold’ anymore. Having a bit of a stuffy nose and a cough is hardly being ill, it’s just a slight cold. Of course it’s ok for DP to refuse to come over but it’s also ok for OP to feel a bit pissed off about it.

DirtyDancing · 10/03/2022 21:56

Get a PCR. LFs with those symptoms are pointless.

knittingaddict · 10/03/2022 21:57

@Blossomtree12

I have a cold not covid. Before covid people went to work with colds, round people's houses. I don't understand why colds are being treated similar to covid now
So? Colds might not be life threatening, but they are deeply unpleasant. I have chest problems and if I get a cold it usually goes to my chest and I am coughing and wheezing for weeks. It's horrible. I think if covid has taught us anything, it's that illnesses such as colds are avoidable to some extent. I'm with your partner.
luxxlisbon · 10/03/2022 21:57

You don’t live together though, so if he doesn’t want a cold (and who does when they can avoid it?) it is sensible to let you recover before being in close contact.

Namechangeof2021 · 10/03/2022 21:57

@Lovemusic33

People are being a bit harsh, OP obviously isn’t really unwell and doesn’t need him to care for her. People don’t seem to be able to have ‘just a cold’ anymore. Having a bit of a stuffy nose and a cough is hardly being ill, it’s just a slight cold. Of course it’s ok for DP to refuse to come over but it’s also ok for OP to feel a bit pissed off about it.
A slight cold for some can be a week/fortnight of feeling like total crap. Colds are viruses and they effect people differently. Saying it's 'just' a cold doesn't mean you won't make somebody feel properly ill.