I want to stay like this forever

[easysundaymorning]

I need everyone to tell me how unreasonable I'm being and make me feel better about returning to work after the most incredible 17 month maternity leave. I feel like my heart is breaking in two.

I love being at home. I love my little boy. I don't feel like I need a break from him, and I don't feel in any capacity ready to return to work. I still feed him to sleep, he still wakes a lot in the night, he's quite little and I just dread the thought of him going to nursery three days a week as of next month.

The only thing getting me through is that we are going to start TTC so hopefully by end of the year I'll be off again for another year. I have to go back to get the maternity leave and benefits my work provide.

Please tell me I'll be fine once I'm back and all the positives I'm almost definitely missing about returning to work? Maternity has gone so quickly and I have honestly loved every second of it. We are so settled in to our routine and way of life. I'm so sad it's nearly over

Its not compulsory to go back you know. If you have been off for 17 months presumably some of those months have been on no pay? Unless you got a really good maternity package from work.

@Hellocatshome I get an amazing maternity package and absolutely have to go back to fund another maternity leave. We have had to dip in to savings the last few months and can't afford for me to not work (I am the breadwinner by a long shot!) so I need to save some more ££ and get some pennies in the bank before baby #2 comes along.

It's definitely a need to rather than want to return situation :(

I did not go back full time after my second child, went part time once that child was in primary, and my pension, life, status never recovered until I bought my own franchise.. women give up more than they know at the time, and its so hard to rectify later

Ah well in that case this might be a put on your big girl pants and get on with it kind of a situation. I hope you find some good advice on how to cope, I cant help because mine were in nursery from 6 months as I had to get back to work for the sake of my sanity.

Must be a hell of a ML package to be able to afford 17 months leave and also be the main earner unless you are both considered very high earners it's just that yours is astronomically higher? Also very understanding employers 🙄

@twinsetandpearl I'd say we are both high earners, whatever that means, I'm roughly 70k and my husband 40k. But we live in a hugely expensive area so big mortgage to pay for etc etc.
My works maternity is really wonderful and they offer 60 weeks, and then I had loads of holiday to use because of the pandemic. They've been amazing! Wish I wanted to return more than I do.

@easysundaymorning

60 weeks!!!! Who is your employer 😂 I'm the main earner on roughly £60k ish and I didn't get any full paid leave and had to go back full time when my twins were 20 weeks - honestly once you've mentally prepared for it it does become much easier

You've been very lucky, count your blessings. Returning to work will be a shock at first, but you'll adjust.

@twinsetandpearl so they don't pay me for 60 weeks - they pay 90% for 6 weeks and then 50% for about 12 weeks and then it's statutory til 39 weeks (I think) but they allow you to take 60 weeks off with the last bit unpaid

@easysundaymorning

Ah ok bummer I was all set for re writing my CV and finding out who the employer was 😂

Very very understanding employer then unless it employs very few women so the impact on its business having someone away for 60 weeks has minimal impact

Presumably you had a good amount of savings behind you to finance such a long time unpaid - it is abnormally long - will you even be able to finance such a long time again with a second baby?

In your position I think I'd employ a nanny part time rather than put my child in a nursery. She will be able to take him to play groups and such things when he is past two. If you hired her now, you and your son would have time to get to know her and see if she is the right 'fit' for your family.

I cried all night before I went back to work after maternity and then cried all the way there as I felt I was abandoning my DC 🤦‍♀️

Within a week, I was back in a routine and really enjoying it. I’m sure you’ll be fine OP, the first few days are an adjustment but honestly think you can get the best of both worlds.

I think with all things like this if you’ve no other option it’s a case of being philosophical. Be grateful what an incredibly long and lovely maternity leave you have had (I had to go back after 7 months each time and had severe PND so it was a struggle). You have a good income so presumably have a nice lifestyle and will be able to afford quality time and holidays etc with your DC. You have a well paid job that you don’t hate and will hopefully have another child. Your life is good! You are lucky. Focus on that

@twinsetandpearl basically I am super super money efficient - making cut backs everywhere, Martin the money man is my idol we saved up about 18k before maternity leave and I have about 7k left which will go towards the next maternity leave. I batch cook, sell everything on, buy lots second hand, search for cheap but amazing holidays, never go for coffee etc (we take our own) my motto is look after the pennies (you know the rest) my husband is amazing at DIY etc so we don't pay tradesmen.., we are incredibly lucky I know but I do work hard to save. Sorry, we digress, just having a chat

@Bromse that's interesting, why would you pick a nanny? This isn't even an option I considered to be honest!

I did the same op except I was already pregnant on my return so had a countdown to next mat leave ticking away in my head.
You'll have accrued a lot of annual leave by the sounds of it, plus once your pregnant you might need time off for morning sickness, spd or other pregnancy things. You probably won't be there as much as you fear.
I don't think yabu, it went against every fibre in my being leaving dd to go back. But she's nearly four and ds is nearly 3 and soon they'll be in school so being apart just gets that bit easier as they get a little bit older.

Thank you @Rosebell75 I really hope so. I hate change. I'm so happy right now. He's at an amazing age and I'm so sad that someone else gets to spend this time with him

@Strawmite this is what I'm after. You're right. Got to see the positives!!

@Strawmite posted to early sorry. Thanks for your response and sorry to hear you suffered with PND. I hope you had/have lots of support!

You have been so fortunate to have this time. We all love our babies but some of us have to return after just a few weeks or months.

Similar to you, I took 14 months maternity leave as I have a good package with work and also didn’t take any annual leave before I left so used 4 weeks just before my maternity leave and was allow to carry it over and add it onto the end so I wasn’t out of pocket too much.

My plan was to never return to work as I loved being at home and spending time with my child (one thing I was keen to do when I made the decision to have kids). I went back as the plan is to try for another. It was a huge adjustment, not just leaving my child but my job role had changed so it was a double whammy going back. At 17 months maybe consider a nanny or a childminder as I think they suit a more one to one care at that age.

Good luck, you will adjust very quickly back to work

@Imanidiotiknow yes we are going to start trying soon so hopefully it happens quickly. I wanted to get pregnant as I returned to work so that I had the countdown like you say fingers crossed!

@konasana I know. So lucky. I just wish I WANTED to return. I want to WANT to work and earn money!

What do you do for work?

I was like this after my babies, and I felt like I never ever wanted to leave them. They are all in school now as of last September and I feel like I've finally got my old self back, I feel amazing. Never ever in a million dreams did I think I'd feel like this.