“Did you get to work on time?” AIBU to find it annoying when DH says this?

[Daffodilsbythebrook]

I met DH (who obviously wasn’t DH then) in 2017, when I was 37, had been working full time since I was 22.

Had a period where I wasn’t working as lockdown and maternity.

Now every day he asks me if I got to work on time. It’s so patronising, or am I being prickly and it’s a normal question?

I’d find it annoying but I am a prickly person

DP asks questions like this and any time I’ve delved deeper, he’ll explain that it’s just social lube – he’s got no malice or ulterior motive or secret desire to undermine me, it’s just surface level chat while the rest of his brain is grinding gears on something else.

Every fucking day I come home from nursery drop-off and he goes “Did she get in OK?” It’s a four-minute walk away and should we have been mauled by tigers on the way, I’d probably phone him.

I wouldn't find it annoying but I would ask him why he asks me every day because I would be wondering why it's the same question every day.

I'd also start getting it in first
Hi darling, yes, I got to work on time. Have you had a good day?

YANBU I'd find it patronising/infantilising too!

Unless he means "did you get to work ok" which is a perfectly acceptable question but is just phrasing it in an annoying way

If I wasn't wfh and DP asked me this, I would assume he checking if I'd had any stress or delays in the morning, and was checking I was ok. I'd probably answer something like "Yeah I did thanks" or "Yes, but only just, traffic over the bridge was awful, no idea why"

Does your DH patronise you in any other ways? Wondering if there's any reason for you to read the question as such. If it grates, I would politely ask him to stop, or to rephrase.

My DP will ask if I was fretting about being late in the morning

@Daffodilsbythebrook

No, never, hence me explaining I worked for some fifteen years before meeting DH.

Having read this response. It's you. You're the snippy one.

Just sounds like one of those generic blah questions that you ask and he has just gotten into the habit of asking it - doubt it actually means or insinuates anything.

I have a habit of asking my husband what he had for lunch for example. I couldn’t care less - it’s just a habit

Just ask him nicely to stop - or ask something else?

I think it'sca "bid" (for connection) as john gottman describes it.

I genuinely wasn’t being snippy but you clearly are so I’ll leave this thread alone now.

Did he ask you this before he started WFH? He might be curious about the outside world or, frankly, have very little chat because he’s WFH – he can’t report any exciting tales of the day to you because he’s not going anywhere, and has probably forgotten the boredom and monotony of commuting.

Hang on - @MarinoRoyale wasn't snippy at all - no need to bite at her!

@MarinoRoyale

I genuinely wasn’t being snippy but you clearly are so I’ll leave this thread alone now.

You weren't snippy - please don't worry. Your response was absolutely fine

I think he's just asking about your commute isn't he? Have you mentioned something is difficult (find a parking space, train difficulties for example). Maybe there is more to this, but to me it's an ok question.

I’m also wondering if you’ve asked him why to he honest

I think it’s a bit odd and annoying to ask you that same question EVERY day, yes.

I think it's just meaningless chit chat. The sort that makes the world go round. Like when people say "how are you?" - they don't really want to know how you are. Or "lovely weather" - that kind of thing.

Are you taking the baby to work on the way which he think might be delaying you? Are you stressed leaving the house?
Perhaps he could do the nursery / childcare run if he's wfh anyway?

Does seem a strange question.

I would give a long detailed boring reply about getting up, breakfast, showering, route, traffic etc etc etc

He will soon stop asking

I can see why you'd find it annoying. DH asks me most days if I got the DC in [to school] ok.
The last time one of them kicked off about going to school was about 7 years ago.

Just send a ‘here’ text as you arrive at work each morning - job done

I'd be annoyed if it was EVERYDAY. It suggests he's never really 'istened to anything you've said so he can't vary it up Did that report get sent in the end? Did you solve the mystery of the missing file? That sort of thing. Is he obsessed with traffic? Is he outrageously smug that he doesn't have a commute?

@Daffodilsbythebrook

No, never, hence me explaining I worked for some fifteen years before meeting DH.

You’re being prickly and also lots of people work, doesn’t mean they’re always on time.

Maybe I am being snippy then!

I suppose I’m inferring that he thinks being late is a normal thing for me, which it isn’t. If I was regularly late I’d have had non formal and formal warnings - my work isn’t flexible at all - so the only times I’m late is when it’s something really unpredictable such as a motorway closure or similar.

Did you get stuck in traffic once or is it a notoriously bad journey in?