“Did you get to work on time?” AIBU to find it annoying when DH says this?

[Daffodilsbythebrook]

I met DH (who obviously wasn’t DH then) in 2017, when I was 37, had been working full time since I was 22.

Had a period where I wasn’t working as lockdown and maternity.

Now every day he asks me if I got to work on time. It’s so patronising, or am I being prickly and it’s a normal question?

It might just be a normal question for him.

Every night my dh asks me if I got to work alright and I just think ??? Like if I didn't I'm sure you'd know before 5.30pm when I'm home

What a weird thing to ask. I ask DP and DS ‘how was traffic?’ or ‘how was your day?’; but ‘did you get to work on time’ is very infantilising, yes, like asking if you got to school before the bell went!

I would ask him to rephrase the question to whatever it is he’s really asking.

Does he have issues with being punctual? Do you maybe leave later than he would think reasonable? I would ask this of DH but only if he was running late and flapping about it. It is a strange question but I don't think it's patronising but then you know the context. Could you turn it round and ask him the same question daily?

He wfh so be a bit worrying if he didn’t get to work on time!

May seem obvious but if it’s bothering you, have you asked him why he’s asking that particular question?

I'd assume it's just an awkward idiomatic way of asking if your journey to work went smoothly.

@MarinoRoyale

May seem obvious but if it’s bothering you, have you asked him why he’s asking that particular question?

Threads on here often seem to follow this snippy pattern and tbh I don’t really know why.

It’s mildly annoying and I wondered what others would make of it. I’m not lying awake at 3am seething about it

Are you late often?

Are you often late?

Do you leave the house flapping over being late?

But yes, ask him. Tell him it's annoying. Why do people find it so hard to speak to their partners about ordinary things?

Failing that dazzle him with your sparkling conversation.

Context and tone are everything. It could be a perfectly pleasant question.

I think Marino was just asking a question? I don't see it as snippy at all. Sometimes we internally seeth at stuff our partners do because we don't want to make a thing of it so it was a reasonable question.

No, never, hence me explaining I worked for some fifteen years before meeting DH.

I apologise if I misread it. It’s not a big deal, I’m not after relationship advice, I’m just wondering if others would find it annoying or if I’m being over prickly.

I agree it’s a weird question. I’m not sure about infantilising, depends on the tone it’s asked it.

I’d probably respond by asking why does he want to know that? What’s it got to do with him, why does he feel the need to check up on your arrival at work every day?

Or possibly if he persists, respond with really boring factual answers. “Today I got in at 8.52 so had time for a quick wee and a chat with Maureen from accounts about her fridge magnet collection before I sat down at my desk. I had thought at one point I might get delayed because the traffic lights on Smith Street were out of order, but the queue wasn’t too long”.

How do you answer?

Oh dear. My DH goes into the office once a week and I always ask "did you get to work ok?". It's not that I didn't think he didn't but more that I'm just using it as a conversation starter.

Now wondering if he is silently seething.

if it's annoying you, I'd just tell him.

I don’t get it.

What’s so annoying about it?

I think it's a perfectly normal question to ask. DH will often ask me if I got to work okay, because often dc will mess about in the morning and I see it as him checking they were all okay and we all got to school/work on time/ok

My DH asks occasionally usually if he knows I've left the house a bit late.
I imagine it might be a bit irratating if he asked every day.

Mine texts me, what the trains were like and if I got to work ok. He probably means the same.

I just finished my maternity.

Yes. I would find it annoying and would have snapped something quite sarcastic in reply by now.

It's a bit odd I would much prefer ' did you have a good day ?' I would end up being sarcastic I wouldn't be able to help myself ' no I was so late I've been sacked ' but that's just me

P.s. I don't get what's annoying about it.

Or make fun of it.

“No! Didn’t get to work to at all! The whole bus got abducted by aliens as it went over the north circular flyover!”

Isn't he just making conversation?

It just sounds like one of those generic questions you ask when someone gets home from work. Like "how was your meeting?" or "did you get stuck in the roadworks on Main Street?".

I agree it's an odd question and it would probably annoy me, so I'd want to know why he was choosing that particular greeting!

Marino's question wasn't snippy. Your response to it was, though.