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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset my boss ignored me

118 replies

Missmummy88 · 10/03/2022 05:52

So, my son 6 caught covid and although isolation has stopped, kids aren’t allowed in school with covid. This also means my baby might have covid and he goes to my mums while I work.

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles. We can work remotely so whenever kids have been off in the last 2 years I’ve just worked around them but given it’s covid I can’t give my baby to anyone and it’s not fair or safe to ignore my 18 month old while I work.

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity, cancelled a client meeting and said I will be off today to look after my son with covid.

He completely ignored me, no reply all day.

Later he WhatsApp’s me to ask if I’m gonna join a client zoom call.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

OP posts:
2me2u2u2me · 10/03/2022 06:01

I think it depends on how you worded it, if it was like how you say it in your op then I think it’s slightly abrupt, kind of telling him and no apologies, it’s probably got his hackles up. I think it also depends on if you do it or have done it regularly, as much as it can’t be avoided that probably wouldn’t have helped.

When I need a day off sick I’m full of apologies and sort my day out with my secretary covering me, my boss never has an issue and is sympathetic.

AgentJohnson · 10/03/2022 06:09

Yes in an ideal world yes but…. I finished work at 20:00 o’clock yesterday and didn’t have five minutes to eat my lunch, let alone replying to emails and what’s App messages. Your focus is rightly on your children but unless they have been unlucky enough to have moderate to severe symptoms, they have bad colds.

araiwa · 10/03/2022 06:12

It would also have taken you three seconds to apologise for your absence and making their life more difficult today but you didn't manage that either Hmm

CowsAreNotGreen · 10/03/2022 06:16

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles is their dad around? If so does he do his fair share?

I get what you're saying but my message would have started with an apology and come up with a plan how to make up some of the time, eg. In the evening. Maybe they are getting a bit fed up of all the time you're having off. But no, you can't do anything about COVID and if this was earlier in the pandemic they would have even full of concern.

PAFMO · 10/03/2022 06:19

Sadly, it's your boss, not anyone who actually needs to care about anything other than managing his/her team and getting the job done. Which, yesterday (?) was made difficult.
Did you join the client zoom meeting?

CowsAreNotGreen · 10/03/2022 06:21

Have you had a lot of time off to look after your kids/work around them? Does your productivity drop massively?

PAFMO · 10/03/2022 06:22

Depending on the usual protocol of the job, I'd say a call to say you weren't going in followed by written details of the steps you'd taken for cover/cancelling meetings is better than a message.
Like it or not, and even though it may not be the case, messages do tend to be seen as the easy way out. If you'd phoned him, he might have said something nice, no?

turkeylurkeyl · 10/03/2022 06:26

Expectations on staying off with isolating kids are changing back towards pre-covid.
I was actually in a meeting yesterday with HR advisors to school recommending they go back to pre-covid policy, as 'legally' the kids don't have to be home anymore it's just their schools rule.

I think it all depends on how (in)reliable you have been throughout the last few years. Is there a DP and if so have they been doing 50% of these time offs?

Can you not see from your bosses perspective at all?

Jobsharenightmare · 10/03/2022 06:27

There's a thread on here at the moment about managers without empathy OP. Seems like a lot of them are replying to you on here Smile

It is one of the biggest predictors of successful leadership. Unless you broke the rules of how to report absence he was really unkind and unprofessional to totally ignore you. I also think some posters literally think you messaged him what you typed in your OP, when it was obviously more than just that one sentence you referred to here.

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 06:33

If you are really upset about this, please just take a moment to think why.

  1. his person is your boss. Whilst civilities would dictate a nice word, it’s not required
  2. did anybody object or make a fuss about it? No, so why are you so bothered
  3. their work day was made harder no doubt by your absence. Not your fault under the circumstances of course, but they will have he other things to focus on 4 ) you should have called
  4. did you ask if he was ok given that his work day was harder? No? Why not? Of course you don’t have to, it’s his problem and not doing ao doesn’t mean you don’t care

Are you getting the picture?

YABU

Ilikewinter · 10/03/2022 06:34

Wont you need than one day off though?
Maybe your boss was a bit miffed with the handover of clients without a phone call?

MRex · 10/03/2022 06:35

You left your boss with a raft of extra work and your message sounded rude when you consider that. Perhaps that's why your boss didn't have the time or inclination to send you comforting messages. You didn't call in person as would usually be expected in absence policies, so can't even be sure that your boss got the message. Given that you can do some work from home, putting in an hour or so at nap time and the evening would have been typical in this circumstance unless you are taking annual leave, so it would be reasonable to expect you on am evening call.

Unpopular37 · 10/03/2022 06:35

@Missmummy88

So, my son 6 caught covid and although isolation has stopped, kids aren’t allowed in school with covid. This also means my baby might have covid and he goes to my mums while I work.

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles. We can work remotely so whenever kids have been off in the last 2 years I’ve just worked around them but given it’s covid I can’t give my baby to anyone and it’s not fair or safe to ignore my 18 month old while I work.

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity, cancelled a client meeting and said I will be off today to look after my son with covid.

He completely ignored me, no reply all day.

Later he WhatsApp’s me to ask if I’m gonna join a client zoom call.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

He's your boss not your bezzie. Why should he give a shit? You've cancelled an external meeting at short notice which may have caused some issues for him. Don't expect the rest of your workplace/the world to think your 'littlies' are the centre of the universe, then you won't be disappointed when the universe doesn't ask how you are
GalactatingGoddess · 10/03/2022 06:38

I don't think he needs to be super interested but a 'Hope you and DC are okay' would be nice!

Someone has to care for children when they are off sick and so he presumably knows that if a DH/DP is around it'll be either you or him, and therefore there may be the occasional absence from work.

Honestly some of the bosses on here lack empathy

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 06:38

@Jobsharenightmare

There's a thread on here at the moment about managers without empathy OP. Seems like a lot of them are replying to you on here Smile

It is one of the biggest predictors of successful leadership. Unless you broke the rules of how to report absence he was really unkind and unprofessional to totally ignore you. I also think some posters literally think you messaged him what you typed in your OP, when it was obviously more than just that one sentence you referred to here.

Not remembering to ask a personal question during what will have been made a busier work day, doesn’t make this manager lacking in empathy. He is not really unkind, no. Seriously.

Unkind would be to message backs have a go and berate or belittle the OP for taking time off.

OP complaining about this is not great. I don’t know one man who would make a fuss about this, not one!

Because in the grand scheme of things. it’s a minor point and really nothing to do with the day job. How do you know when you’re back to work he won’t ask you how they’re getting on. It’s been one day! One.

Briannashoshanna · 10/03/2022 06:43

Lots of apologists for rude bosses here! YANBU OP. It takes seconds to write out a quick reply. Even just ‘thanks for letting me know’. Some people seem to think that something being work related is an acceptable reason for being rude. It isn’t.

Arabellla · 10/03/2022 06:44

YANBU, that’s shit. You handled it all and presented it to him, he should have been pleased you dealt with it and wished you well for your son.

A poor, poor manager.

CosmicComfort · 10/03/2022 06:45

If that was the content of your message, it’s a bit rude. No acknowledgment of the difficulties it places on the team or an apology for that.

I am a manager and do check in with colleagues and try to be very supportive but I would expect a telephone call if they weren’t able to work. A message wouldn’t meet protocol.

Arabellla · 10/03/2022 06:47

@2me2u2u2me

I think it depends on how you worded it, if it was like how you say it in your op then I think it’s slightly abrupt, kind of telling him and no apologies, it’s probably got his hackles up. I think it also depends on if you do it or have done it regularly, as much as it can’t be avoided that probably wouldn’t have helped.

When I need a day off sick I’m full of apologies and sort my day out with my secretary covering me, my boss never has an issue and is sympathetic.

Ah of course, OP is a woman so needs to pepper her texts with lots of apologies for breathing and lols.
whateverintheworld · 10/03/2022 06:48

When my then 12 month old had covid I joined work calls with her in a carrier. Not saying that’s right, but just saying that is what some people do need to do, so you are actually quite lucky that you were able to take the day off and that the only negative was no nice comments from your boss. I hope you are all ok - as others have suggested perhaps pick up the phone to your boss today. He’s probably really stressed doing two peoples jobs

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 06:48

Jesus Christ. This poor guy.

He’s done nothing wrong, nothing!

Peoples kids get sick all the time. So what?!

It wasn’t rude at all. His day got suddenly busier because of an OP who didn’t even pick up the phone. That’s or her fault, her kids are sick. Not his fault either, and do you know , he probably read message, and mentally filed it away, because there was work to be done.

You couldn’t just message where I work under these circumstances either. A phone call is required, and people calling in sick usually also send an email too.

Ricksteinsfishwife · 10/03/2022 06:48

@araiwa

It would also have taken you three seconds to apologise for your absence and making their life more difficult today but you didn't manage that either Hmm
I agree with this, i am unsure when you want your boss to check everyone’s ok when you’re totally fine and one kid has Covid, and you can’t be bothered checking he’s ok with what you’ve handed over.

Feels a bit entitled op and lacking in emptathy.

PushingAnElephantUpTheStairs · 10/03/2022 06:49

What a load of crap some people on here spout.

Yes, your text should have been ackowledged even if it wasn't grovelling etc because your boss is an adult and ought not to ignore staff informing them of their absence. They should at least have confirmed the receipt of the text.

Arabellla · 10/03/2022 06:49

@whateverintheworld

When my then 12 month old had covid I joined work calls with her in a carrier. Not saying that’s right, but just saying that is what some people do need to do, so you are actually quite lucky that you were able to take the day off and that the only negative was no nice comments from your boss. I hope you are all ok - as others have suggested perhaps pick up the phone to your boss today. He’s probably really stressed doing two peoples jobs
So many assumptions. Why assume the handover was for him and not for him to pass on?
Emiliaswrath · 10/03/2022 06:49

I can't believe some of the replies on here, I am a manager and I would never not acknowledge a message like that from a member of my team Hmm