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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset my boss ignored me

118 replies

Missmummy88 · 10/03/2022 05:52

So, my son 6 caught covid and although isolation has stopped, kids aren’t allowed in school with covid. This also means my baby might have covid and he goes to my mums while I work.

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles. We can work remotely so whenever kids have been off in the last 2 years I’ve just worked around them but given it’s covid I can’t give my baby to anyone and it’s not fair or safe to ignore my 18 month old while I work.

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity, cancelled a client meeting and said I will be off today to look after my son with covid.

He completely ignored me, no reply all day.

Later he WhatsApp’s me to ask if I’m gonna join a client zoom call.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 07:23

Has somebody said the OP should apologise?

ClemFandangoo · 10/03/2022 07:24

@CosmicComfort

If that was the content of your message, it’s a bit rude. No acknowledgment of the difficulties it places on the team or an apology for that.

I am a manager and do check in with colleagues and try to be very supportive but I would expect a telephone call if they weren’t able to work. A message wouldn’t meet protocol.

I don’t think whether or not a message meets protocol is what’s up for debate here. At least it shouldn’t be. Different workplaces have different policies, I can message in when sick, maybe OP can too.
Shesmyperson · 10/03/2022 07:24

@GalesThisMorning

OP you are getting some weird replies! You don't have to apologize for making his day harder, firstly. Your kids are sick, you have time off with paid dependency leave. At least, that's how it works in my workplace. If that isn't the case in your own workplace, ask your union rep why not.

People get ill and can't come to work. It happens, often! You do not need to apologize and check that he is okay Hmm?!?!

Paid dependency leave isn't something everyone gets and isn't a legal requirement.

Also, where it is available its unlikely going to cover as many days as you need for an isolating child and then, according to op probably for another child (with a small amount of overlap).

Its a social norm. To pologise for a change of plans even if yiu aren't directly at fault.

'Sorry, I need to reschedule lunch, kids are sick'
'Sorry I can give you that lift, car broke down'.

And op is moaning he didn't extend these social niceties, while (it appears) not doing it herself.

sluj · 10/03/2022 07:27

How do you know he got your text? Sometimes texts are seriously delayed which is why we have to actually call in for absence in my company. It also allows the manager to discuss how long you think you might be off and cancel/redistribute any urgent work you tell them about. Tbh, I think its you that was a bit rude

balalake · 10/03/2022 07:28

I think you should have phoned, though even so, the lack of any response is very poor and most people would be upset.

Cuphalffullor · 10/03/2022 07:28

I manage several staff. How they let you know they are off depends on how you work. I usually get a WhatsApp as they know I’ll see it whereas I might not see an email immediately. Always reply but it may just be “Thanks” as I’m onto covering their work and usually busy unless it’s something serious.
I accept they don’t take time off unless it’s necessary but at the same time, I don’t feel I need to support them unless it’s serious.
Works for us.

ivfbabymomma1 · 10/03/2022 07:35

I communicate with my boss about work sometimes too but in this case I would have made a phone call.

On a sick day I will text my colleague to say I won't be in and to let me know when the boss is in so I can call later. (It's a 1 owner, 7 staff set up and we all start at 9)

Basilthymerosemary · 10/03/2022 07:37

To be fair, you don’t need an ‘hope everyone’s ok’. They are you’re boss and not your friend. If you said no we’re not ok- awkward to reply back. in our place- if you call in sick, the expectation is that you are off sick and no communications unless imitated by you. That’s because we assume you would be in bed/resting/sleeping. That’s because we don’t want to create the expectation that a reply is necessary.

SecretSquirrel111 · 10/03/2022 07:41

Do you have a partner who regularly shares the leave of this type with you?

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 07:48

@balalake

I think you should have phoned, though even so, the lack of any response is very poor and most people would be upset.
LOL. They really wouldn’t!
IncompleteSenten · 10/03/2022 07:49

He probably doesn't actually care that much about your kids. I find that really most people don't. (Whether they should or not is a different conversation. I'm just talking about the reality of how it seems to me)

However, he should have followed the social protocol of giving the polite response. There are unwritten rules about this shit.

Similar one is the standard greeting.

How are you?
Fine thanks. You?
Fine.

When neither of you are a) fine and b) give a shit how the other really is.

So yanbu to think he should have responded in the socially appropriate way.

FleurDeLizz · 10/03/2022 08:06

Covid isn’t really that serious at this stage for most people, just like a bad cold like a PP said.

You sound quite precious

Calandor · 10/03/2022 08:20

I usually call them to explain absenses

EarringsandLipstick · 10/03/2022 08:21

@Jobsharenightmare

There's a thread on here at the moment about managers without empathy OP. Seems like a lot of them are replying to you on here Smile

It is one of the biggest predictors of successful leadership. Unless you broke the rules of how to report absence he was really unkind and unprofessional to totally ignore you. I also think some posters literally think you messaged him what you typed in your OP, when it was obviously more than just that one sentence you referred to here.

Exactly this.

I'm a manager. I'd be extremely sympathetic and also appreciative of your thorough handover (which is not a given!)

Ignoring you and then asking you to join a client call is really unacceptable behaviour by your boss.

Depending on your relationship / company culture, I would raise it, not confrontationally but to express your feelings on it. I have done this occasionally with senior management, when it matters & when I've been upset. It's worked out well as I've been calm & respectful but assertive.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/03/2022 08:23

@Quincythequince

If you are really upset about this, please just take a moment to think why.
  1. his person is your boss. Whilst civilities would dictate a nice word, it’s not required
  2. did anybody object or make a fuss about it? No, so why are you so bothered
  3. their work day was made harder no doubt by your absence. Not your fault under the circumstances of course, but they will have he other things to focus on 4 ) you should have called
  4. did you ask if he was ok given that his work day was harder? No? Why not? Of course you don’t have to, it’s his problem and not doing ao doesn’t mean you don’t care

Are you getting the picture?

YABU

This is complete nonsense.

My day is often made harder by my team members being unwell or unavailable for work. I suck it up - it's life, it's not their problem.

I think basic manners is the cornerstone of good working relationships.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/03/2022 08:24

OP complaining about this is not great. I don’t know one man who would make a fuss about this, not one!

I cannot believe you typed this. 😑

sopebox · 10/03/2022 08:26

Perhaps he forgot or got
Sidetracked

Move on: it's no biggie

gannett · 10/03/2022 08:29

Boss should have acknowledged receipt of the email BUT it's not unusual for those quick replies to fall by the wayside when you have a lot on your plate, which he unexpectedly did. I don't know what the protocol is at OP's workplace but I'd have followed the email up with a phone call to confirm he actually got the message and there wasn't a computer glitch.

Getting this upset to the point of posting on the internet in outrage that someone doesn't care about your "littles" is completely unreasonable. At most this merits being mildly miffed for two seconds then moving on. It shouldn't be upsetting.

Like a PP said, I cannot imagine a man being upset that his boss didn't ask after his sick kids, but I can't actually imagine many women I know being upset about that either.

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 08:30

@EarringsandLipstick

OP complaining about this is not great. I don’t know one man who would make a fuss about this, not one!

I cannot believe you typed this. 😑

I typed this because men are transactional. There are of course exceptions to every rule, but it’s a workplace transaction, not a call with your mother or BF.

You have delivered the info needed to your boss, jobs done! An acknowledgment of not working can be expected, to be really upset your kids weren’t asked after, is OTT.

And yes, I would hazard a guess that most men wouldn’t give a shit, because it’s a non/event.

Move on!

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 08:32

Earringsandlipstick basic good manners and reasonable expectation of behaviour should work both ways!

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 08:38

LOL to being extremely sympathetic because OP has got one sick kid, and a baby! And has the freedom to work flexibly as she needs with no real issue l.

Because nobody has ever had sick kids before and had to reorganise a workday.

When did everybody become so soft and unnecessarily fawning?

slashlover · 10/03/2022 08:40

Depending on your relationship / company culture, I would raise it, not confrontationally but to express your feelings on it. I have done this occasionally with senior management, when it matters & when I've been upset. It's worked out well as I've been calm & respectful but assertive.

Yes @OP tell him that you're upset that he didn't as about your kids.

Brefugee · 10/03/2022 09:06

A man handling this as efficiently as OP has would be lauded for it, not called rude.

meh. In my team they'd get a one-on-one discussion about following company procedures which is to - unless physically impossible - to call. And follow up (if possible) with a short email outlining key points that can't be put off and need to be handled by someone.

But my boss will always acknowledge things like this, and will always wish a speedy recovery.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/03/2022 09:16

@Quincythequince

I couldn't disagree more.

A workplace relationship, if successful, is not transactional.

It relies heavily on goodwill, compassion & respect. Or it does in a good workplace.

Keeping it at the level of 'well he doesn't have to acknowledge it' isn't conducive to a good working environment.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/03/2022 09:18

@slashlover

Depending on your relationship / company culture, I would raise it, not confrontationally but to express your feelings on it. I have done this occasionally with senior management, when it matters & when I've been upset. It's worked out well as I've been calm & respectful but assertive.

Yes @OP tell him that you're upset that he didn't as about your kids.

Don't be silly or / and obtuse!

It's not acknowledging her communication & replying appropriately. I would absolutely, politely, raise that. (It does depend on the culture tho - my workplace expects such communication so it makes sense to raise it if it hasn't happened)