To feel really upset my boss ignored me

[Missmummy88]

So, my son 6 caught covid and although isolation has stopped, kids aren’t allowed in school with covid. This also means my baby might have covid and he goes to my mums while I work.

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles. We can work remotely so whenever kids have been off in the last 2 years I’ve just worked around them but given it’s covid I can’t give my baby to anyone and it’s not fair or safe to ignore my 18 month old while I work.

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity, cancelled a client meeting and said I will be off today to look after my son with covid.

He completely ignored me, no reply all day.

Later he WhatsApp’s me to ask if I’m gonna join a client zoom call.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

I wonder if he did see it otherwise why would he ask you to join the meeting?
In some ways it’s better to just say you had to care for your child and don’t reference covid - because if they were ill and you had to care for them, you would have to take the day anyway.

But maybe it’s worth checking they’ve received your message and offer a quick chat first.

It's the norm to send messages and not call in my work world.

I mean, I can understand why you may feel a bit put out, but I don't think it's a huge deal. It's possible your boss is incredibly busy and just didn't have time to respond. Or maybe he forgot? I don't think it was meant maliciously.

Also, at my workplace it's normal to message rather than call. I'm currently off ill and just messaged my boss to say I wouldn't be in.

@LeedleLee

I mean, I can understand why you may feel a bit put out, but I don't think it's a huge deal. It's possible your boss is incredibly busy and just didn't have time to respond. Or maybe he forgot? I don't think it was meant maliciously.

It takes seconds.

There's no excuse for not replying. Unless somehow he didn't see the message at all, which seems unlikely.

i don't know, pp has a point: he asked her if she was attending a meeting she'd cancelled. Sounds as though he didn't get/see/read the mail.

Which is why a call is always good.

[quote EarringsandLipstick]@Quincythequince

I couldn't disagree more.

A workplace relationship, if successful, is not transactional.

It relies heavily on goodwill, compassion & respect. Or it does in a good workplace.

Keeping it at the level of 'well he doesn't have to acknowledge it' isn't conducive to a good working environment. [/quote]
Men are more transactional. That is a fact.
This was a one off necessary of exchange of information. She sent her message, job done. End of from her side.

And I didn’t say he didn’t have to acknowledge it, I simply said OP is OTT in her upset re her kids health being slighted.

Why get really upset because your line manager presumably has other things on, now he has more things too (that’s life, happens when someone calls in sick, we all have to work harder!) and hasn’t asked how your kids are? This is not a normal reaction.

She said she wasn’t going to be working that day and notified accordingly and sorted out her diary.
She then let her manager know.

No more, no less is required (although there is some question as to the means here).

This is the AIBU.
Not because he didn’t acknowledge her calling in re not working, but because he apparently doesn’t give a shit about her or her family!

A tad Dramatic I would say.

Men are more transactional. That is a fact.

Some men maybe. Whatever 'transactional' actually means.

Many men are not.

It's ridiculous to ascribe a characteristic to an entire sex!

Why get really upset because your line manager presumably has other things on, now he has more things too (that’s life, happens when someone calls in sick, we all have to work harder!) and hasn’t asked how your kids are? This is not a normal reaction.

It's a completely normal reaction to me and those I manage.

As I say I'm often in this position, I manage a team of 8.

I reply quickly, acknowledging the message and wishing them well. Including making reference to the sick child. It's polite, collegial & normal.

To not do this, and then ask her about joining a client call, is rude (unless he didn't see her message at all).

@Quincythequince

Has somebody said the OP should apologise?

Yes, several people.

@EarringsandLipstick

Men are more transactional. That is a fact.

Some men maybe. Whatever 'transactional' actually means.

Many men are not.

It's ridiculous to ascribe a characteristic to an entire sex!

🤨

I’ll think you’ll find it’s absolutely not.

There are plenty of things that can be generalised based on sex. And if you don’t believe this, then you don’t understand basic human psychology and behaviour.

Exceptions to every rule indeed, granted.

Her male line manager will not have been considering the health of the OPs kids in the immediate moments after she messaged. Why would he be?

A female is far more likely to enquire about this.

Basic OB psychology.

Fact!

And in an earlier post you argued against transactional, and now you’re saying you do know what it means?
🙄

There are plenty of things that can be generalised based on sex.

No, there aren't

You may say 'many men' or 'women often'. But it cannot speak for all men or women.

I can tell you about plenty of men who would give a concerned reply & expect one.

Honestly, your posts are so odd.

Good for you earrings’you ask after other people’s kids. Great, I probably would too.

The OPs line manager didn’t.

That doesn’t make you an inherently better manager than him btw - in case you thought it did.

If I’m off with sick kids, I wouldn’t want the gaffs of having to respond to a courtesy email for the sake of it.

I’m really surprised by a lot of these comments, especially all the references to the OP having made the boss’s day more difficult. This is exactly why some people tie themselves in knots about calling in sick even when they’re really ill, because they know they have grumbling colleagues/managers who will begrudge them for being sick. It’s life, adults get ill, children get ill. Often it’s not convenient for someone to not be able to work at short notice, of course, but such is life. The world will keep on turning.

OP I agree that next time it’s best to apologise for being off, even if you haven’t done anything “wrong”. I’m wondering if the client meeting could have been taken by someone else rather than being cancelled; do you think that may have annoyed your boss?

I agree it wouldn’t have hurt for your boss to just reply saying “thanks for letting me know, hope DC isn’t too unwell and thanks for the handover”. That’s what a half decent manager would have done.

OP hope your DC is not too poorly.

Her male line manager will not have been considering the health of the OPs kids in the immediate moments after she messaged. Why would he be?

Why wouldn't he? I have reported to several men. They absolutely would be concerned.

I've reported to other people - male & female - who cared less. Not based on sex.

I agree, evidentially, there's more likelihood, still, of a woman empathising. But it's not a given, and not true for all women.

Also, times have changed a lot, and many men absolutely get it it, would care & be concerned

Finally, even if they didn't care, all the managers in my workplace would reply, and wish OP & kids well - as it's considered the proper way to behave.

@Quincythequince

And in an earlier post you argued against transactional, and now you’re saying you do know what it means? 🙄

What?

@EarringsandLipstick

There are plenty of things that can be generalised based on sex.

No, there aren't

You may say 'many men' or 'women often'. But it cannot speak for all men or women.

I can tell you about plenty of men who would give a concerned reply & expect one.

Honestly, your posts are so odd.

Yes, there are! There really are.

Is that how it should be? No.
Is the at how it often is? Yes.

You not agreeing with it doesn’t make it wrong.

You manage people but you don’t believe there are inherent differences between the sexes in how things are approached?

Very worrying.

@Quincythequince

Good for you earrings’you ask after other people’s kids. Great, I probably would too.

The OPs line manager didn’t.

That doesn’t make you an inherently better manager than him btw - in case you thought it did.

If I’m off with sick kids, I wouldn’t want the gaffs of having to respond to a courtesy email for the sake of it.

It does make me, and others who ask, a better manager. Showing you care about those you work with, especially those who report to you, matters.

Read your posts earrings

You acknowledge the concept of being transactional in one post (your language indicates that you understood) and then in the next you question what it is.

It’s not hard to look this up, really.

Every exchange between humans is a transaction of some kind. How many and what kind of other emotions are brought into it, depend on the parties involved!

@Quincythequince

What odd ideas you have.

I can write about this as I know men, and women, that those stereotypes don't apply to. Many of them.

I think it's far more worrying that you will allow for certain types of behaviour based on sex. That's entirely wrong, and biased.

There are plenty of things that can be generalised based on sex. And if you don’t believe this, then you don’t understand basic human psychology and behaviour.

There is absolutely no evidence that men being 'transactional' is a basic aspect of psychology.

Almost all behaviours which vary by sex are cultural and the bias towards prevalence in one sex tends to be low compared to the variation within the population as a whole.

@Quincythequince

Read your posts earrings

You acknowledge the concept of being transactional in one post (your language indicates that you understood) and then in the next you question what it is.

It’s not hard to look this up, really.

Every exchange between humans is a transaction of some kind. How many and what kind of other emotions are brought into it, depend on the parties involved!

I said what as your post made no sense - you'd missed out a word, clearly.

@Quincythequince

And in an earlier post you argued against transactional, and now you’re saying you do know what it means? 🙄

Do you always take things so literally?