To feel really upset my boss ignored me

[Missmummy88]

So, my son 6 caught covid and although isolation has stopped, kids aren’t allowed in school with covid. This also means my baby might have covid and he goes to my mums while I work.

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles. We can work remotely so whenever kids have been off in the last 2 years I’ve just worked around them but given it’s covid I can’t give my baby to anyone and it’s not fair or safe to ignore my 18 month old while I work.

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity, cancelled a client meeting and said I will be off today to look after my son with covid.

He completely ignored me, no reply all day.

Later he WhatsApp’s me to ask if I’m gonna join a client zoom call.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

Him not asking doesn’t mean he does care! He might just have not got around to it yet.

Or he might have, given he’s human and has to still get on with his day thought, shit, and just had to manage.

If someone’s inaction makes someone feel really upset, then I would suggest looking inwards because it’s a massive over reaction.

@EarringsandLipstick

Her male line manager will not have been considering the health of the OPs kids in the immediate moments after she messaged. Why would he be?

Why wouldn't he? I have reported to several men. They absolutely would be concerned.

I've reported to other people - male & female - who cared less. Not based on sex.

I agree, evidentially, there's more likelihood, still, of a woman empathising. But it's not a given, and not true for all women.

Also, times have changed a lot, and many men absolutely get it it, would care & be concerned

Finally, even if they didn't care, all the managers in my workplace would reply, and wish OP & kids well - as it's considered the proper way to behave.

Her male line manager will not have been considering the health of the OPs kids in the immediate moments after she messaged. Why would he be?

So his maleness absolves him of having consideration for his direct reports?

@Missmummy88

I hope things are brighter today & your DC are improving 💐

the bias towards prevalence in one sex tends to be low compared to the variation within the population as a whole.

• talking only about 'personality' type behaviours, obviously some cultural behaviours can be very strongly gendered.

No.
But he’s not obliged to ask about their health?
How is that inconsiderate to not do that.

Just because you have expectations of others peoples behaviour, it doesn’t mean they have to meet them.

The guy has done nothing wrong but not asking if a sick kid is ok!

Kids get sick all the time!

Yes high when someone says one thing, then immediately says something that negates that, that is a reasonable thing to do.

In my experience, male bosses are less sympathetic to women having to take time off for childcare than female bosses are. Some men, particularly ones at the top of their field, seem literally unable to understand that sometimes there is no one else to care for the children. They just don't get it, because they're never on the hook for it themselves.

His lack of reply and question about joining the client call, means he's miffed. The justification for the miffedness is context dependent as PPs have stated. Not sure what you can do other than get past it and move forward. Mothers definitely have a harder time in the workplace because of issues like this, and it would be nice if this sort of hidden sexism could be acknowledged more in the workplace by our political and cultural leaders. Mind you, Labour doesn't even know what a woman is so I guess they wouldn't be much help on the hidden sexism face by mothers.

‘psychology and behaviour’

I clearly said both!

So now we are to believe that men and women behave exactly the same and there’s no
Hard-wiring or behavioural reason they don’t.

Ok then 🙄

I love the way people are ignoring the ‘exceptions to every rule’ but.

One kid was sick for one day!
One day!

Get a grip people! Get a grip.

@NippyWoowoo, we weren't ill, none of us. Just sticking to isolation rules and so not leaving the house, Therefore I had to work.

Also, you say take time off and not being a martyr - if I didn't work the week we all had covid I'd have been paid £96.35, instead of the £520 I usually get - so yes, martyring to ensure the mortgage is paid is normally a necessity.

[quote QforCucumber]@NippyWoowoo, we weren't ill, none of us. Just sticking to isolation rules and so not leaving the house, Therefore I had to work.

Also, you say take time off and not being a martyr - if I didn't work the week we all had covid I'd have been paid £96.35, instead of the £520 I usually get - so yes, martyring to ensure the mortgage is paid is normally a necessity.[/quote]
Well in this context it is martyrdom. OP has mentioned nothing about not being paid/having to work. She's complained at the attitude of her boss, and your comment adds to the theme of many responses here that are along the lines of it being unreasonable to have time off. You've proven that by mentioning nothing about having to work in your OP. It was a way to show how you can do it, so why can't she.

Interesting. Do you have a partner! just wondering why it’s obvious that it’s you who needed to not be at work and look after the little one.
As other posters have said it’s very much how you handled the initial contact with your boss, you are responsible for your child care and for making arrangements clearly it’s a difficult situation with COVID but I do wonder how you worded it. Where is work -

• we have to telephone and notify our line manager as early as possible

I certainly wouldn’t be passing to my boss my client list for the day. I would be asking if it was possible to make arrangements to enable me to support childcare.

This thread has made me feel very relieved that I work somewhere that recognises that childcare emergencies sometimes happen and parents need to take the day off. Not all of us have parents/in laws around to help us out when children are sick so if they can’t go to paid childcare as usual then there is no option other than a parent taking the day off.

I'm still wondering why, when mgr asked OP if she'd be at the meeting why OP didn't immediately suspect he hadn't read her mail and drawn his attention to it.

The OP states on (many) other threads that she has been happily married for over a decade.
Was your older child also at home, OP, or just the younger two? Because there are three if you've had a baby since your other threads.
Is the manager the same one who there was the hoohah with as he was sleeping with a colleague but she said you were after him and there was lots of unpleasantness? Or the one who you reported and who was given a disciplinary warning for saying you had beautiful eyes?

Advanced Search is, as ever, interesting.

@Missmummy88

So, my son 6 caught covid and although isolation has stopped, kids aren’t allowed in school with covid. This also means my baby might have covid and he goes to my mums while I work.

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles. We can work remotely so whenever kids have been off in the last 2 years I’ve just worked around them but given it’s covid I can’t give my baby to anyone and it’s not fair or safe to ignore my 18 month old while I work.

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity, cancelled a client meeting and said I will be off today to look after my son with covid.

He completely ignored me, no reply all day.

Later he WhatsApp’s me to ask if I’m gonna join a client zoom call.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

I wouldn't take it like this AT ALL. He probably just missed your email, that's why he asked if you were going to be on a call !

He probably didn't see that you were off and thought you were coming to the call.

My manager has done this sort of thing loads of times, then I've reminded him that I'm not there and resent the email. ' oh sorry John, I can't join. You must have missed my email from this morning '- here it is again, let me know if there's anything else you need calcification on. Speak soon.

My manager would then have replied saying, ah sorry I didn't see your email- hope LO gets well soon.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

He's got double the workload. He was probably too busy to worry about you and your family and knows you're a competent adult who will tell him if something goes horribly wrong at home and you need more time off.

Are you sure he got your message? I left a voicemail for my manager once, they missed it and thought I hadnt turned up, the did contact me near the end of the day cos it was out of character for me to just not turn up. Their email too is like a ticker with the amount that comes in so emails are sometimes missed.

At my work you’d get a quick response and a “I hope the kids are ok” so I’ve voted yanbu. It takes no time to do this, and is part of being professional as a manager in my view.