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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset my boss ignored me

118 replies

Missmummy88 · 10/03/2022 05:52

So, my son 6 caught covid and although isolation has stopped, kids aren’t allowed in school with covid. This also means my baby might have covid and he goes to my mums while I work.

Clearly, I had to take the day off to look after my littles. We can work remotely so whenever kids have been off in the last 2 years I’ve just worked around them but given it’s covid I can’t give my baby to anyone and it’s not fair or safe to ignore my 18 month old while I work.

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity, cancelled a client meeting and said I will be off today to look after my son with covid.

He completely ignored me, no reply all day.

Later he WhatsApp’s me to ask if I’m gonna join a client zoom call.

Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds.

OP posts:
slashlover · 10/03/2022 06:51

Ah of course, OP is a woman so needs to pepper her texts with lots of apologies for breathing and lols.

So she shouldn't have to perform the social niceties because she's a woman but he's shit/a poor manager for not doing it either?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 10/03/2022 06:51

YANBU.

The least he could have done is respond so you knew he'd received your message properly.

Back in my management days I would never have left a staff member hanging like that.

Rafting2022 · 10/03/2022 06:51

I don’t think an email was a professional way to let him know - a phone call would have been better followed by an email as a follow-up. I expect staff to report absence in person by phone plus I get dozens of emails every day so could easily miss one.

Why didn’t you ring in first?

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 06:53

I think the problem here is being ‘really upset’ by it.

Really OP? Really!

Arabellla · 10/03/2022 06:53

@slashlover

Ah of course, OP is a woman so needs to pepper her texts with lots of apologies for breathing and lols.

So she shouldn't have to perform the social niceties because she's a woman but he's shit/a poor manager for not doing it either?

No, the point is that people expect these niceties from women when they wouldn’t from men.

A man handling this as efficiently as OP has would be lauded for it, not called rude.

ThinWomansBrain · 10/03/2022 06:54

I will be off today to look after my son with covid.
what did you actually say?
"off" as in taking the day off without any notice
"off" as in WFH, if I can be arsed to fit work in around looking after baby and sick child, but I expect to be paid

  • and messaging, rather than actally bothering to call and have a conversation and apologise
you sound flakey, and I'd be hacked off if you worked for me. Taking time out to call and wish you a nice day would not be my top priority. I'd probably have said something along the lines of "hope everyone is well soon" if you'd actually called
NippyWoowoo · 10/03/2022 06:56

Don't understand the replies on here. Your message was perfectly fine. You don't need to be 'terribly sorry' for taking the day, it's life, you did everything needed.

And while the need to isolate for covid has changed, schools have always had policies for certain illnesses such as stomach bugs which requires time off.

Tbh I'd have ignored the boss's message in the same way your message was ignored.

Shesmyperson · 10/03/2022 06:58

No, the point is that people expect these niceties from women when they wouldn’t from men.

Do they not? Really? I would expect anyone who is making someone's day harder, even if it's not their fault, to also give some niceties.

And obviously some people do expect it. Op is moaning that her manager, a male isn't performing social niceties. While also, appearing, to not have done it herself.

I have never known someone not be apologetic if they can't work, men or women.

shadesofwinter · 10/03/2022 07:01

I can't think of any boss I've ever had who wouldn't have acknowledged with at least a quick 'hope DC are ok'. It literally takes seconds.

Arabellla · 10/03/2022 07:02

@Shesmyperson

No, the point is that people expect these niceties from women when they wouldn’t from men.

Do they not? Really? I would expect anyone who is making someone's day harder, even if it's not their fault, to also give some niceties.

And obviously some people do expect it. Op is moaning that her manager, a male isn't performing social niceties. While also, appearing, to not have done it herself.

I have never known someone not be apologetic if they can't work, men or women.

An acknowledgement of OP’s handover is not a nicety, it’s acknowledging receipt.
whateverintheworld · 10/03/2022 07:03

@Arabellla my boss would normally pick up the slack in my team if someone is unwell because our team doesn’t have any spare capacity and we all work late etc. I would be surprised if many workplaces have extra capacity as I wouldn’t expect that to be an efficient model. However my point is more that the boss has extra work that he didn’t anticipate - whether that is doing the work or calling others to handover etc.

QforCucumber · 10/03/2022 07:05

If it the male or female staff members calling in sick I expect them to follow our procedure, which is a call or email In to the office, as a manager I’m still allowed annual leave or often have a day full of meetings so a text to me from someone saying they’re off to watch the kids on one of those days if they haven’t already phoned in to the office l, or arranged cover, means my day is altered. (I don’t expect them to arrange cover for sickness by the way, but if needing to stay at home and not work then some forethought into how their work for the day would be completed would help)

On another note, in feb Ds1 (6) Ds2 (19 months) and I all had Covid, I wfh throughout our isolation, the 6 year old mostly entertaining the toddler while I worked, I just took more breaks and did a lot more when DH got home (he stayed negative throughout)

HappyDays40 · 10/03/2022 07:05

It's another example of women carrying the slack trying to balance homes and work.
The boss was rude and I feel you did you best. Someone has to look after children, they don't look after themselves.

Shesmyperson · 10/03/2022 07:08

An acknowledgement of OP’s handover is not a nicety, it’s acknowledging receipt.

Op says Aibu to think he doesn’t give a shit about me or my family? At least a one liner of “ok, hope everyone’s ok” would have taken three seconds

That's what she is expecting. Not an acknowledgement of her email.

OnlyTheTitosaurusOfTheIceberg · 10/03/2022 07:11

I’m a manager and I would never ignore a communication like this from a member of staff. I’ve been on the other end, having to make contact at short notice because of caring responsibilities and there’s nothing worse than that “did they see the message? I hope it’s okay” feeling (and it’s not always possible to call - I used to have a boss with a long commute and he (rightly) never answered calls while driving so we knew to text or email).

People are human, families come first; yes I have a service to deliver but it’s my responsibility to oversee that and it sounds like the OP was proactive in rearranging the day to make her manager’s job as easy as possible under the circumstances. So yes, rude and YANBU.

CowsAreNotGreen · 10/03/2022 07:12

For all you know he might have had other things on his mind like a big meeting announcing redundancies. Don't take it to heart.

Quincythequince · 10/03/2022 07:13

@HappyDays40

It's another example of women carrying the slack trying to balance homes and work. The boss was rude and I feel you did you best. Someone has to look after children, they don't look after themselves.
How? How is that an example of that. The OP is an employee, that’s the crux of it.

Jesus, whingeing like this about a non-event (not just OP, everyone who thinks that this guy is rude) is exactly why women get called ‘emotional’

No man would notice, or care!

Because it’s not a big deal.

And just to be clear, OP is complaining he didn’t ask about her kids, not that he didn’t acknowledge her email.

2022booklover · 10/03/2022 07:16

So I messaged my boss at 8am with a full handover of client activity
I think it depends what this bit means. If it means - I piled a load of unexpected work on someone’s plate - I do get why they may not have left up to niceties.

GalesThisMorning · 10/03/2022 07:17

OP you are getting some weird replies! You don't have to apologize for making his day harder, firstly. Your kids are sick, you have time off with paid dependency leave. At least, that's how it works in my workplace. If that isn't the case in your own workplace, ask your union rep why not.

People get ill and can't come to work. It happens, often! You do not need to apologize and check that he is okay Hmm?!?!

BurntO · 10/03/2022 07:18

It’s a bit shit OP. You shouldn’t manage people if you have zero people skills IMO. Thankfully my work are on the same page that family will come first and it builds respect that goes both ways but I think that’s rare. All he had to do was say “ok thanks for letting me know, hope they aren’t too ill”.

NippyWoowoo · 10/03/2022 07:18

On another note, in feb Ds1 (6) Ds2 (19 months) and I all had Covid, I wfh throughout our isolation, the 6 year old mostly entertaining the toddler while I worked, I just took more breaks and did a lot more when DH got home (he stayed negative throughout)

That's great for you, but I think that when people are ill they should take time off, not be martyrs.

TheHoptimist · 10/03/2022 07:20

What is your company policy about time off for a sick child?

Bornsloppy · 10/03/2022 07:21

In this situation I'd expect a call rather than an email from you because I'd like to know what your plan for the next few days is and what sort of leave you're taking to cover it. We've had a mix of situations with Covid and it's useful as the manager to have a plan for a few days so I know how much extra work I need to cover or whether I can find capacity within the team.

CowsAreNotGreen · 10/03/2022 07:22

Is it possible they want a chat with you about all your time working and looking after the kids? So he didn't want to reply OK all good carry on and give the impression work are ok with this.

ConfusedGin · 10/03/2022 07:23

Perhaps missing the point but are you sure he received your first message?

I've had a couple of members of staff email me from personal accounts which our spam filters have picked up so l the email didn't make it to my inbox. I've followed up with them via WhatsApp when they haven't made it online by their usual time which is how I've found the email.

I now check my spam folder before contacting someone, just in case but also remember to use my work email to contact my boss (on our phones so not hard to access) and / or WhatsApp them so I know it won't go missing.