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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should all sleep in separate rooms?

277 replies

Pipsquiggle · 09/03/2022 19:59

Lighthearted thread.

My DH has covid - his 2nd bout in 6 weeks - therefore I am sleeping in the spare room and I am bloody loving it.

Better quality of sleep, having my own bed, not worrying if I am waking up DH when I go to bed, waking up naturally......... I could go on.

Just wondered if anyone else felt the same.

I know mega posh couples who live in castles / palaces have their own bedrooms and I totally get it.

OP posts:
Properjob · 10/03/2022 18:03

I agree with some on here, foremost people,e especially when older separate rooms are ideal, but the blokes don't like it. I do think that me wanting my own room (I was working in a stressful job and we both snored but especially XH) partly led to the relationship breaking down. Since then my longest term partner was quite upset when I wanted to sleep separately saying he felt abandoned. He was 58, and it didn't make him more endearing! Dont think most men can cope Hmm

Londoncallingme · 10/03/2022 18:03

I’ve been in my own room since eldest went Uni, now 2 at Uni and 2 at boarding school so I bed-hop when one or other are at home. Now and then we’re all home together and we only have 5 bedrooms so I’m back with DH and we both prefer sleeping alone. I initiated it because of his snoring and he grumpy about it at first but now he realises the benefits. So nice to have one’s own bed.

wooda180 · 10/03/2022 18:13

This idea seems odd to me. I've no problem sleeping on my own ect but me and DH love sleeping in the same bed (I even find his snoring soothing when I have trouble sleeping). With work and 3 kids alot of the time the only 'us' time we get is when we go to bed.

Alleycat1 · 10/03/2022 18:14

I would settle for separate beds but DH won't hear of it.

EducatingArti · 10/03/2022 18:15

I've lived alone for several decades now. I have begun to think if I did end up getting married now we would be better off with separate homes!

Pinklemonade1 · 10/03/2022 18:15

This thread makes me feel so much better. I always sleep better in the spare room. We are all so conditioned to do stuff that isn't necessarily that great aren't we?

SnowFoxWinterFox · 10/03/2022 18:16

Dh has chronic insomnia and gets up usually around 4 am. So i get 2 hours on his side of the bed with the warmth and the cat. Highly recommend it. You get all the connection of sharing a bed plus some decent sleep individually.

(A sharp kick at 3.45 usually wakes them I find).

RandomMess · 10/03/2022 18:17

@Thewindwhispers we still go to bed together 95% of the time and natter and cuddle and watch TV 🤷🏽‍♀️ he literally just disappears when he wants to go to sleep.

Jvg33 · 10/03/2022 18:18

@Libertybear80

Yep we've all got our own room here. Love it.
Same here.
speakout · 10/03/2022 18:18

OH and I have had separate rooms for years- we love it.
Sleep and wake up in our own time, no smelly socks, no snoring.
My bedroom is my haven, my pampering palace.

gamerchick · 10/03/2022 18:23

Had my own bedroom for years. Single bed so all fun happens in his bed. It's like a giant hug when I go in and close the door.

Don't see why people need to share if they have the room personally

chimpandzee · 10/03/2022 18:25

Separate sleepers here too. Initially due to children being in the bed often, but also as we've got older and been together longer we keep different hours and disturb each other. Also his snoring is unbearable. Like a pig eating porridge. I can't believe I put up with it for nearly 10 years before the kids came along.

Pluvia · 10/03/2022 18:27

I think every woman should have a room of her own, and it should include a bed. We've been sleeping separately for years. We choose to share a bed when it suits us both. Sometimes we cuddle up together in one bed and then separate out for the night. I think it's extraordinary that we should be expected to spend a third of our lives sleeping next to someone who disturbs us through the night and whose heat or lack of it we're expected to adapt to. .

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 10/03/2022 18:28

@Pipsquiggle

Lighthearted thread.

My DH has covid - his 2nd bout in 6 weeks - therefore I am sleeping in the spare room and I am bloody loving it.

Better quality of sleep, having my own bed, not worrying if I am waking up DH when I go to bed, waking up naturally......... I could go on.

Just wondered if anyone else felt the same.

I know mega posh couples who live in castles / palaces have their own bedrooms and I totally get it.

Yep!
Ellerehj · 10/03/2022 18:31

Me and my partner sleep separately. We are in our 20's but I just can't stand to sleep next to anyone. Makes our awake time much happier if we are well rested!

RiverSkater · 10/03/2022 18:31

Absolutely! I want to put up a stud wall in our larger bedroom to have two single rooms...

I love my own space and am sick to death of DP snoring every night.

Ragwort · 10/03/2022 18:32

Alleycat but why won't your DH 'hear of it' ... and (presuming you have a spare bed) why do you have to sleep where he tells you to?

Amitskitshaw · 10/03/2022 18:34

I agree. How do I raise that with a partner who doesn’t feel the same way? I know because I’ve ‘joked’ about it in the past to test the water.

musketeers123 · 10/03/2022 18:37

Love love love having a bed to myself- often sneak to the sofa as DP snores & I am a v light sleeper (no spare room as DS & DD in own rooms). Are moving soon as really want a 4 bed ! Re:snoring a friend suggested LOOP earplugs- AMAZING !!!!! Had them for 3 nights and honestly have slept SO MUCH better !!!!

mumof2exhausted · 10/03/2022 18:38

I adore sleeping on my own! My husband prefers sleeping with me. I often sneak out in the middle of the night. He has COVID recently and I slept in spare room for 10 days, utter bliss .

speakout · 10/03/2022 18:39

Amitskitshaw I think the needs of the solo sleeper trumps the one who wants to sleep as a couple.
No one should be forced into sharing a bed when they would rather sleep alone.

Gowithme · 10/03/2022 18:41

OMG I would hate this. Who would I put my cold feet on? Who would I cuddle up to if I've had a bad dream? Who would I snuggle with and chat to if I wake up early? I don't want to fall asleep in his arms (and often sleep with my back to him) but I do want him there.

Bleau · 10/03/2022 18:42

I agree, started this when I was pregnant. Would never go back to sharing again 🤣

Bibbidybobbidybooboo · 10/03/2022 18:43

Would love a spare room to sleep in. Love it when husband sleeps on the sofa for a few days after I've moaned for too many nights about the snoring. But he HATES the idea of separate rooms or beds or even duvets. I am not a touchy feel person at all. Like my own space. Like being in my own room lasrt and fir

wellstopdoingitthen · 10/03/2022 18:48

I can't say how reassuring I have found this thread.
Christmas 2019 I was really ill with a terrible cough & fever. Hubby has always been a snorer & I often went into the spare room for peace. While I was ill coughing all night he moved to the spare room. He hasn't come back (apart from snuggles etc) It has worried me all this time that our marriage (29 years) was in trouble. Reading that so many people enjoy the peace & space of a double bed on their own has come as a huge relief!
Thanks all. Smile