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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should all sleep in separate rooms?

277 replies

Pipsquiggle · 09/03/2022 19:59

Lighthearted thread.

My DH has covid - his 2nd bout in 6 weeks - therefore I am sleeping in the spare room and I am bloody loving it.

Better quality of sleep, having my own bed, not worrying if I am waking up DH when I go to bed, waking up naturally......... I could go on.

Just wondered if anyone else felt the same.

I know mega posh couples who live in castles / palaces have their own bedrooms and I totally get it.

OP posts:
VaizyCrazyDaizy · 09/03/2022 23:06

Snoring, farting, attachment to never changing the sheets and pillowcase because ‘they’re comfortable’?, freezing cold room with windows open in - 5, spreading his crap all over my side table………as said here already, a separate house wouldn’t be too much!!

deydododatdodontdeydo · 09/03/2022 23:10

Nope. We like to be close. Our bed is small - queen size I think. Anything bigger and we feel too far apart.
When on holiday in big beds it feels weird - too far apart!
Sometimes DH works away and it feels like the bed is empty.
He told me he struggles to sleep in a big empty hotel bed too.

GreenLunchBox · 09/03/2022 23:22

Wait, he had covid twice in 6 weeks?

WakeMeUpBeforeYouGo · 09/03/2022 23:30

Oh yes!! DH and I have been sleeping in separate rooms over 2 years now. Much better sleep and no snoring to keep me awake. Smile

Blossomtoes · 09/03/2022 23:32

I rely on my bloke for being warm enough in bed. He’s like a little furnace. I freeze my arse off when he’s not in bed with me.

Jockolgy · 09/03/2022 23:38

We sleep in separate rooms …wouldn’t even contemplate bed sharing ever again!

LovelyYellowLabrador · 09/03/2022 23:51

Separate is better

BobbyeinArkansas · 09/03/2022 23:51

I’m reading this post from my own bed in what I still think of as the spare room. I moved up here when I got covid 6 months ago and have never moved back. I wouldn’t be able to read this post if I was sharing with him as the light from the screens annoy him as he gets up very early for work. Love having my own room. .

mnnewbie111 · 10/03/2022 05:53

Yup. Every other night here. When it's my turn to get up I won't sleep with my husband as he makes annoying noises, as do I but he sleeps through them

MissDynamite23 · 10/03/2022 06:03

This thread is making me wish for my own bed. We did have a spare room until having DS 5 months ago. Now we are waiting for our loft conversion to be approved and built.

I’m currently In bed with DH and DD (4) and I’m holding DS. I can only dream of a big bed all to myself.

Grasping · 10/03/2022 06:55

I don’t sleep well without my DH next to me and can’t imagine voluntarily being apart

WouldIwasShookspeared · 10/03/2022 07:22

@GreenNewDealNow

It's funny how so many people prefer sleeping separately when sharing a bed has been seen as the ideal and the norm for so long. Where do these ideas come from and why do we feel pressure to follow them? What else do we do that we don't really like doing?
Money. Most of the population has never been able to afford to live in a home where everyone has their own room. Very rich people have their own rooms in the manor house or wing in the castle. Meanwhile the masses have historically been huddled together for warmth and due to lack of space.

One thing I notice a lot when the subject of separate rooms comes up is that those who do have their own rooms talk about how well they sleep, how well it works for them etc and of those who share a bed about half make comments about how bad the state of the relationship must be for those who sleep apart. How it must mean they don't... / Aren't.../ Can't... Etc . That sleeping apart must have begun because the relationship was in trouble.

So there's lots of judgement
out there and rude comments implying that the relationships of those who have their own room must be less secure/happy than their own bed sharing relationship and I think that affects how people view the idea of having their own bedroom. Like it's a failure or a sign your relationship is doomed or something when in reality sharing beds has its roots in poverty not intimacy and is not superior. Or inferior for that matter. Just personal choice.

PortalooSunset · 10/03/2022 07:24

Not read the thread but totally with you! Years ago dh and I were on a guided tour of a country pile where they showed us his and her separate bedrooms, the motto of the time being "share a roof but not a ceiling" with your spouse. Resonated massively and I often wish for it, but sadly no spare room here Sad

EvilKinevil · 10/03/2022 07:24

My grandparents had twin beds as, according to my grandad, my grandma was rub her feet together in the night. My parents had separate rooms for the last 13 years. We do 3 nights apart ( when I have to start work in the morning) 4 nights together. My husband is a bad sleeper who gets up to pee with the doors open, waking the household.

So a better sleep is had by all when he’s on the top floor. It’s a good arrangement.

raspberryjamchicken · 10/03/2022 07:44

@GirlOfTudor

Question for those who permanently sleep in seperate rooms... What do you do when you go on holiday? Book seperate hotel rooms? Book an apartment with bedrooms for each of you?
We self-cater but do have to think carefully around sleeping arrangements because if DH sleeps very badly it spoils the holiday. We usually look for one with a spare room but if not I will often share with one of the kids instead of him. Life with a bad sleeper can be quite challenging.
BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/03/2022 08:16

We now have a spare room as one DD has gone to uni. Well it’s still her room obv but I can use it if DH is snoring or fidgeting.

We only have a normal double and neither of us are small people.

RandomMess · 10/03/2022 09:04

We don't actually go on holiday!!

We have separate weekends away quite often and tbh the thought of sharing a room on a holiday horrifies me!

alltheapples · 10/03/2022 12:32

@WouldIwasShookspeared Intimacy plays a part. It is why so many kids want to get into bed with their parents even when they do have their own room.
I dont care what others do, but I cant imagine sleeping apart from my husband.

OakPine · 10/03/2022 17:23

@LidlMiddleLover

I’d love to do this but hubby sees it as a horrible idea wont even consider separate beds or even duvets
You do know that even married people are allowed to make decisions themselves?
Franklin12 · 10/03/2022 17:28

Snoring is just awful. Its life changing and although often seen as a bit of a joke it really isnt. Yes, I know the person often cannot help it (but often can!) but its seperate rooms for us.

Makes such a difference.

Vinomummyinlockdown · 10/03/2022 17:41

Yep! Own room and bathroom is the way forward!!! Never going back 🙌🤩

NeverForgetYourDreams · 10/03/2022 17:42

We sleep separately. Have done for years. Still in love but I can't go to bed when he does as good early plus I have to be warm and dark and he has to be light and cold. Only way we still married I think !

RandomMess · 10/03/2022 17:47

@LidlMiddleLover if your "H" denies you a decent nights sleep purposely ignore your needs that's pretty much abuse.

Why does his desire to share trump your need for sleep?

Thewindwhispers · 10/03/2022 17:49

We’ve ben sleeping separately for a couple of years now, and it is fab for getting good sleep - but I feel much less close to him than I used to, more like flatmates ‘with benefits’ than a wife, and I think not waking up together or chatting just before sleep is a huge part of that. Be careful what you put in place…

whynotwhatknot · 10/03/2022 17:57

yep been doing this a few years now. hate it when we go away somewhere

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