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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to do this?

430 replies

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 16:35

One evening a week until around 6:30 I watch my husband's kids along with ours whilst he finishes at work (he has to stay later this day).

One of them wants to do a hobby on this evening and I've been asked if I'll take them so they can do it. It's about 15 mins away and I'd have to stay. I've said no. I have his other kid too and our young child who'd have to be dragged along.

AIBU to say that I'm not taking them so H or their mum even will need to sort something between them if they want to go?

OP posts:

FirmButFairMum · 09/03/2022 18:05

@Glittertwins

Well if the mum was keen enough to look into this activity, surely she should be the one doing ferrying around? Bit cheeky to organise something when there seems to be no intention of actually doing the legwork

Maybe the whole thing is a cunning plan between the child’s parents

neither wants to take their DC so they’ve plotted together so he’s working late and she’s unavailable

Bournetilly · 09/03/2022 18:05

It was the way you said your husbands kids but then referred to yours as your child. But fair enough if your husband and his ex call them his kids.

GlitteryGreen · 09/03/2022 18:06

Lots of people use 'kids' and 'children' as interchangeable words, I don't think most see either as offensive??

I always refer to my SCs as 'the kids' and so does their dad .

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 09/03/2022 18:08

YANBU. It sounds like it will be a right faff for the other kids too.

They'll have to find something on another day

Original poster

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 18:09

The issue with pp was you used different language with your child

And?! People call children either children or kids interchangeably. It's really not some huge offense.

OP posts:

Dontbeme · 09/03/2022 18:09

Mumsnet: treat the DSC as you would your own child.
Also Mumsnet: how dare you treat the DSC as your own, you're not the mother, they have a mum you she demon!

A little summary for those not wanting to read the full thread.

Spitspatspot · 09/03/2022 18:10

“ She is already cooking their dinner and looking after them so they connect over that”

I really meant it in terms of finding some shared joy instead of seeing them as a chore or inconvenience

RedWingBoots · 09/03/2022 18:11

@GlitteryGreen You monster you!

I know adults who call the mixture of their younger full-, half- and step- siblings as "the kids" when talking about them as a group as they are well...under 18 so "kids".

Original poster

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 18:12

Honestly people going on about me calling SC kids and my child a child just sound like they are looking for anything to prove how terrible I am.

Make it sound like I said "husband's rats and my darling child". I literally just called them kids ffs 🤣

OP posts:

RedWingBoots · 09/03/2022 18:12

@Spitspatspot

“ She is already cooking their dinner and looking after them so they connect over that”

I really meant it in terms of finding some shared joy instead of seeing them as a chore or inconvenience

There is a 2 year old child in the mix.

So a 9 year olds "wants" overrule a 2 year olds "needs"?

oakleaffy · 09/03/2022 18:12

Step children are not second best.
Imagine if - or heaven forbid when- your husband is with another partner-
Would you expect your current children to be “ Secondary?”
Bet you’d want better for them.

Its the same for the Firstborn

RichardsGear · 09/03/2022 18:13

The issue with pp was you used different language with your child

Oh God - who cares?! Stop being so bloody nit picky.
OP you're completely NBU. Unless the sport is incredibly niche like junior downhill blindfolded backwards skiing I'm sure a session can be found on another night or at the weekend when one of his parents can take him. It's bloody cheeky of them both assuming that you'll be happy to do this.

TracyMosby · 09/03/2022 18:13

@Spitspatspot

“ She is already cooking their dinner and looking after them so they connect over that”

I really meant it in terms of finding some shared joy instead of seeing them as a chore or inconvenience

Or… and i appreciate this is controversial, the children’s father could be responsible for them on his allocated days, instead of outsourcing childcare to a different female.

Original poster

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 18:14

I really meant it in terms of finding some shared joy instead of seeing them as a chore or inconvenience confused

Most of my friends with kids (yes kids 😨😨😨) find taking them to football/karate/music or whatever after work a chore, not a joy.

My friend takes her son early Sunday morning every week. She complains about it every weekend 🤣

OP posts:

billy1966 · 09/03/2022 18:14

@Arabellla

YANBU, don’t start it, it will be difficult to back out. The parents need to sort, it’s not your child.

This.

I have done this for various sports/activities for my children for the past 18 years, am still doing it.
A complete PITA, and they are my children.

I certainly wouldn't be doing it when they have two parents.

Also when my youngest were babies I was very slective about what they did as I think it is 100% unfair for younger siblings to spend hours sitting in a car whilst an older sibling does activities.

YANBU.
Don't entertain it.
You are already looking after his children.

Don't be a mug, it won't end well for you.

TracyMosby · 09/03/2022 18:14

Do Fuck iff @RichardsGear i wasn't being nit-picky. I was pointing out what issue pp’s had when op asked.

Can nobody read?!

HELLITHURT · 09/03/2022 18:15

@RichardsGear

The issue with pp was you used different language with your child

Or maybe it's the fact that a friend is going on the same day means the DSC wants to attend that particular day?

Nothing to do with blindfolds and downhill!

Original poster

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 18:16

@oakleaffy

Step children are not second best. Imagine if - or heaven forbid when- your husband is with another partner- Would you expect your current children to be “ Secondary?” Bet you’d want better for them.

Its the same for the Firstborn

It's not about them being secondary. I would never expect my exes wife to take OUR child at an inconvenience to her and her toddler to a sport I'd arranged. I'd arrange it with my child's other parent or on a different day so one of us could go or q friends pqrent maybe (I don't know their friends parent).

OP posts:

HELLITHURT · 09/03/2022 18:16

@CartoonFig

I really meant it in terms of finding some shared joy instead of seeing them as a chore or inconvenience confused

Most of my friends with kids (yes kids 😨😨😨) find taking them to football/karate/music or whatever after work a chore, not a joy.

My friend takes her son early Sunday morning every week. She complains about it every weekend 🤣

It's part of parenting, did they not realise that?

RedWingBoots · 09/03/2022 18:16

@HELLITHURT nothing to do with the OP.

RichardsGear · 09/03/2022 18:17

I apologise - I thought you were the poster who brought it up and quite frankly can't be arsed to go back and check. I'm guessing you agree with the sentiment though as it seems like you're trying to explain it defend it.

RichardsGear · 09/03/2022 18:17

Explain OR defend it.

Original poster

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 18:17

It's part of parenting, did they not realise that?

Never said it wasn't. I was replying to the poster suggesting I find a joy in it... When most parents don't find it a joy either!

OP posts:

mangoontoast · 09/03/2022 18:18

Apparently I missed a memo. When did the word "kid" become a pejorative??

RichardsGear · 09/03/2022 18:19

Or maybe it's the fact that a friend is going on the same day means the DSC wants to attend that particular day? Well, it's tough then really!

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