Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 14 15

Original poster

To say something to next door about their crying toddler at night

371 replies

afizzysweet · 09/03/2022 05:44

We live in a mid terrace. Our ndn are on the end and they have the end bedroom, their toddler is in the room that backs on to our bedroom, I am assuming his bed is against our wall IYSWIM.

He goes through phases of waking in the night and crying. I have a child of the same age so I get it. It does wake me up every single time. Doesn't always wake DH.
The difficulty is that I think they let him cry it out rather than go in to him. For the 5th night in a row I've been woken up and listened to crying for 20 minutes and now I can't get back to sleep.
I can't confirm that they do let him CIO, I'm just basing it on the fact he continues to cry and gets louder before stopping after a while.

I don't want to use ear plugs because I don't want to risk not hearing my own child.

Should I say something? It seems like a really unreasonable thing to bring up because kids cry at the end of the day and it's not like we live in a dettached house. But I am getting fed up of broken sleep that impacts me the next day.

OP posts:

Goldilocks99 · 09/03/2022 08:26

For another perspective op my baby has hypertonia, suspected cerebral palsy. He woke up every hour for nearly two years and took several hours to settle. I co slept, gentle sleep, nothing worked. I assume because he was in pain.

I was surviving on max two hours a day. I would not have been in a fit state to receive your 'advice'.
Funny enough, we had to eventually resort to camp it out and I got some unbroken sleep just before he was two.

Anyway, there was a reason my baby cried all night long and nothing I could do about it. I was depressed with dealing with a future of raising a baby with a disability. Disability is more common than you think, so I'd reserve judgement myself.

Original poster

afizzysweet · 09/03/2022 08:27

The thing is, on the one hand you're insisting this is a very practical issue related to your health condition and pain. On the the other you're saying that an apology and a cake would make a difference - basically that you'd be fine if you knew they felt bad about it.

It would make me feel a little less grumpy is all. "Hi, we're aware you might be able to hear little Bobby at night. He's teething at the moment and it's a tricky time for us, I hope you can't hear him too much, but we're really sorry if you can and we are trying to help him through"
At least then I would know that they are aware others can hear (they might not be!) and they are in there doing what they can to console him. As others have said, if they're in there with him, they can't do much else (that's why I said suggesting they move his bedroom was unreasonable).

OP posts:

Beees · 09/03/2022 08:28

I'm just sharing so people understand why this is especially hard.

No one is saying its not hard but what many people are saying is unfortunately there isn't much your neighbours could do. They could move their child but maybe that would make the situation worse because it would unsettle their child more.

I appreciate you are only seeing it from your perspective but you have a small child too so surely it's easier to empathise with their predicament.

Maybe in a few months time it will be your child waking all night and disturbing their sleep. That's just how it goes sometimes when you have kids unfortunately.

I think the one thing everyone can agree on however is that your husband needs to be stepping up here.

Talking to your neighbours may or may not improve the situation but your husband doing the night wakings for your own child whilst you wear earplugs would definitely help so that's whta he should be suggesting.

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 08:28

A chat about it wouldn't make your sleep any better or your pain any better or your fatigue any better. How would it help other than give you the opportunity for a moan?

Marvellousmadness · 09/03/2022 08:28

You have a health condition you drip feeded... and you need sleep.
Well don't we all....

But it still doesn't mean we should go and complain to neighbours about how they are supposed to raise their child. Yabu

SartresSoul · 09/03/2022 08:28

You have a toddler too so say you understand yet still want to ‘have a word’ with them about it as if they can do much about it? Babies and toddlers cry during the night sometimes, it can’t be helped. If they were having late night parties then fair enough but they have a toddler. Parenting is tough enough without neighbours giving you shit too.

Original poster

afizzysweet · 09/03/2022 08:29

I agree and I will be chatting to DH about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

afizzysweet · 09/03/2022 08:30

A chat about it wouldn't make your sleep any better or your pain any better or your fatigue any better. How would it help other than give you the opportunity for a moan?

I'd know that they were actually in there with their child trying to settle him rather than me doing what I currently do, which is sit there going "are they in there with him? I can usually hear parents talking in that room and I can't, will somebody just f**ing well go in to him?".

OP posts:

Beees · 09/03/2022 08:30

I agree and I will be chatting to DH about it.

I'm surprised your first response was to chat and complain to the neighbours rather than your husband to be honest.

Original poster

afizzysweet · 09/03/2022 08:32

You have a health condition you drip feeded... and you need sleep.
Well don't we all....

If you also have this condition then I feel truly sorry for you - no, as far as I am aware, not everyone has it as I don't know anyone else who does!

OP posts:

Goldilocks99 · 09/03/2022 08:34

Well do keep in mind that the baby may have a health condition too op.

Original poster

afizzysweet · 09/03/2022 08:35

I'm surprised your first response was to chat and complain to the neighbours rather than your husband to be honest.

It's because he's really shit when he has had broken sleep. He works really long hours and can't function on broken sleep at all. He's been to the doctor before about it because if he just loses a couple of hours he really struggles, to a point where neither of us think it is normal. He was beyond a usual sleep deprived parent when the kids were babies.
So I think as the noise isn't coming from our house it wasn't my first instinct.

OP posts:

Newrunner29 · 09/03/2022 08:40

@converseandjeans

YANBU & I'm shocked so many are ok with the neighbours letting a toddler cry it out. It goes against what many on here say.

I did Gina Ford & it didn't involve leaving either of mine to cry. Yet it's considered awful to do her routine.

It's not great parenting to leave a small child crying alone at night. Also why should you get no sleep when it's not even your child?

However I don't know how you go about saying anything.

How do u know the parents are doing that, a parent could be right next to the child and the child could still be crying loudly! Ur assuming they are doing that

Lunificent · 09/03/2022 08:42

I think you need to address it one way or another because this is torture for you, especially given your health condition.
You can either be pragmatic and go with your ear plugs/monitor plan which you will need to do consistently till their child is old enough to settle themselves.
Or you can speak to the neighbours, explain your health condition and ask if they’re is any way they can make adjustments to help you. Explain why you can’t move room yourself and that might jog them to think about rejigging their rooms without you having to ask.

Gonnagetgoing · 09/03/2022 08:42

I had this a couple of years ago when I lived in a flat and the neighbours were in a bigger house next door. Their baby cried a lot of the night, and I couldn’t move as there was no spare room. I mentioned it to neighbors and apparently they didn’t want to move their baby in case it disturbed the father. Can’t recall what happened but it got better. I was concerned for the baby but it woke me up through earplugs, white noise and was for months on end. It turned out the baby had an undiagnosed lactose intolerance that their doctor said was probably waking him up and causing his discomfort too. It was after that that I moved! Not just for baby crying!

Gonnagetgoing · 09/03/2022 08:43

I’d have a quiet chat with them like you’re planning to do.

HariboFantastics · 09/03/2022 08:44

I mean, you could, but my toddler had a similar phase and it was night terrors. There is pretty much naff all they can do about it on their end, as it’s advised to not wake children during them.

Have you ever thought of investing in earplugs?

JellybeansJelly · 09/03/2022 08:45

Wait, so you want them to move rooms to suit you, but you’re not willing to move rooms yourself?

Flippy87 · 09/03/2022 08:49

OP I think you’re getting a really rough time on this thread. Why should you have to change around your house layout etc. to accommodate your neighbours?! They’re end of terrace so the easiest solution is they move their toddler to a room that has the end wall.

If I were you I’d do the chat or a note through their door as others have suggested “sounds like you’ve been having a few rough nights with youngest, we’ve struggled with similar but seem to be through the worst of it now, let me know if you ever fancy a chat”

MiddleParking · 09/03/2022 08:49

@afizzysweet

I'm surprised your first response was to chat and complain to the neighbours rather than your husband to be honest.

This is absolutely ridiculous. The people next door want unbroken sleep at night as much as you and your husband. Everyone does.

Eoheleh · 09/03/2022 08:50

The toddler could be teething?

HappyDays40 · 09/03/2022 08:52

If I were your neighbour and you came round complaining about my child crying at night I'd be less than impressed and ask to please give me the benefit of infinite wisdom

MichelleScarn · 09/03/2022 08:52

@CookieBlue

When I saw your post OP I had a moment of panic in case you were our neighbours!! Our DD is cutting her molars at the moment and is crying ALL NIGHT. It’s been hell on earth. I’m completely exhausted and broken by it. Her bedroom also backs onto our neighbours side and I have been so worried that she’s also been disturbing them, but what can you do? If we constantly go down to her it only makes things worse, so in our situation it is sometimes better for us to dose her up on calpol/nurofen and pray it kicks in quickly

I honestly think if our neighbours knocked to complain right now I would cry.

@CookieBlue have you tried anbesol liquid (if you can still get it!)

It was the ONLY thing that worked when our dc was cutting teeth. But was absolutely a game charger!

Branleuse · 09/03/2022 08:52

I think id speak to them, but be really gentle and kind about it. I think it would be good to at least ask them if hes not well. Tell them that you keep hearing him cry a lot in the night the last week and hope hes ok, as its not nice when theyre poorly.
Theyre probably oblivious to the fact others can hear it

Whatdidisay · 09/03/2022 08:52

I really don't understand the people on this post calling OP selfish for wanting to be able to sleep in her own bedroom at night! It sounds like the OP has been putting up with this for months snd has finally had enough.
An occasional wake in a Terrace is to be expected but if for what ever reason the noise from a neighbour is waking you every night sometimes multiple times then you should absolutely say something!

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 14 15