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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My husband keeps crossing the road dangerously with our baby

115 replies

snowmansnowman · 08/03/2022 20:54

My husband has twice crossed the road unsafely with our 7 month old baby. The first time was a couple of months ago, when he ran across the road pushing the pram our baby in it while cars were getting ready to go. It was a red man for pedestrians, and red light for the cars which turned green as he ran across the road. His explanation was “I thought we had time and the cars weren’t going yet.” I had a very firm word with him that it’s dangerous and it can’t ever happen again.

The second time happened tonight. He was wearing our baby in a sling, we came to a traffic light, he pressed our wait button then proceeded to cross straight away, the man was still red for pedestrians. The light for cars were green throughout, cars on both lanes thankfully saw my husband and baby on the road and managed to brake and slow down, so they came to no harm.

I am so livid that he would put my baby at risk. He is generally a careless and clumsy person, and I’ve told him time and time again he needs to be more aware of things now that we have a baby.

At the moment I don’t want him to push the pram or wear the baby in the sling ever again. Am I being over the top? AIBU??

OP posts:

Sofiegiraffe · 08/03/2022 21:23

No you're not being unreasonable or over the top, I'd be livid too and I'd also be highly anxious about the baby being in his care alone. There's absolutely no need to take unnecessary risks like this.

Original poster

snowmansnowman · 08/03/2022 22:24

Reassuring to know I’m not overreacting!

OP posts:

LightSpeeds · 08/03/2022 22:32

What the fuck is wrong with him!!!?

Embracelife · 08/03/2022 22:33

Is he very young?
He is an adult who doesn't know how to cross the road?
Seems a bit odd
Is he from another country?

50DaysAF · 08/03/2022 22:36

Did cars actually have to brake? If they did, YANBU.

Original poster

snowmansnowman · 08/03/2022 22:56

Yes the cars had to brake to let him finish crossing with our baby. The thing is he will say tomorrow that he promises never to do it again, but he said that before. I don’t know if I’ll be stupid for letting him take the baby again..

OP posts:

Embracelife · 08/03/2022 22:59

Tgen you become the sole carer and he gets awayxwith never taking baby out

Take him on a learn to cross the road session like a small child

ScrambledSmegs · 08/03/2022 23:13

There was a thread on here many years ago, written by a woman whose husband had a very lax attitude to risk. She did the best she could in supervising etc but he still managed to do something incredibly, hideously dangerous while she was away for a split second. It resulted in their toddler DC being seriously injured and scarred for life.

I'll spare you the details but honestly, I used to think well-meaning parents wouldn't really endanger their children so badly. I thought they just needed to have a bit of autonomy and would then step up to the plate, as it were. That thread showed me how bloody naive I was.

pixie5121 · 08/03/2022 23:32

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Missingindevon · 08/03/2022 23:35

My shitty ex best friend (she ended up sleeping with my (ex) boyfriend) offered to push my pram with my daughter in as I was a bit worn out, I was super appreciative I stopped for the red man and she legged it across the road with my dd (not a massive road but has traffice lights room for two cars).

I was in shock, people were literally staring at her. We ended up having a massive fallout with her accusing me of lecturing her and treating her like a kid. My sister as a baby almost died while my mum was crossing the road when a driver drove through a red light luckily my mum's Spidey senses tingled and she pulled the pram all the way up to her chest the cars wheel ended up stopping where my sister would have been.

Maray1967 · 08/03/2022 23:45

Mine ignored me telling him not to have our baby on the settee with him when he was tired. He did it while I was in the shower on holiday. 6 month old slid off the caravan seating when DH nodded off onto (fortunately) his play mat but did bang his head.
I’ve never been so angry in my life. I barked orders at DH and told him to get us to A& E and then to get to bed when we got back. I didn’t trust him to stay up to check baby every two hours as instructed,
Take the pram off him when crossing, forcibly if necessary. Don’t take risks if he’s being an idiot.

BambinaJAS · 08/03/2022 23:51

@snowmansnowman

Where was this location wise?

There is an element of overreaction in a post like this.

He needs to be more careful.

You need to be less dramatic.

Original poster

snowmansnowman · 08/03/2022 23:53

Honestly it’s so reassuring to know my anger and anxiety are valid.

I’m prepared to always be the one that pushes the pram and takes the baby when we go out, but as @Embracelife said would this be sustainable going forward?

OP posts:

Original poster

snowmansnowman · 08/03/2022 23:56

@BambinaJAS it was at a crossroads, cars coming one direction across two lanes. Happy to have some sense talked into me as I do feel I’m overreacting - how do you feel I’m being dramatic?

OP posts:

GodspeedJune · 09/03/2022 00:01

I don’t think you’re being dramatic. He’s taking risks, and as your baby gets older he needs to wise up to teaching them road safety. When he goes running across the road like this does he leave you behind as well?

ScrambledSmegs · 09/03/2022 00:03

@pixie5121 she stayed with him initially. He was devastated and repentant and their kids needed them.

However she came back a couple of years later and they'd split, the magnitude of what he'd done was too much for their relationship to withstand.

SparklingLime · 09/03/2022 00:07

What the fuck is wrong with him? Why would he do this?

CowsAreNotGreen · 09/03/2022 00:08

I wouldn't trust him

Original poster

snowmansnowman · 09/03/2022 00:08

@GodspeedJune yes, both times I’ve been left behind standing on the pavement with my baby’s life flashing before my eyes. I can’t quite put into words the feelings it brought up for me in those instances

OP posts:

Pantsomime · 09/03/2022 00:08

Never mind the cars, why if he trips in his rush to cross, he’d squash your baby all by himself. There is no need for it, YANBU

PixieLaLa · 09/03/2022 00:13

No your not overreacting at all your DH sounds like an idiot.
Has he always been so careless crossing roads?

Topseyt · 09/03/2022 00:17

You aren't being dramatic. I wouldn't let him have the baby again as it is just too much of a risk. He sounds far too oblivious.

BambinaJAS · 09/03/2022 00:20

[quote snowmansnowman]@BambinaJAS it was at a crossroads, cars coming one direction across two lanes. Happy to have some sense talked into me as I do feel I’m overreacting - how do you feel I’m being dramatic?[/quote]
If this were at a busy intersection or crossroads in London or big city I would agred with your logic.

If its in the countryside, then probably not.

My SO also does stuff like this, but as annoyed as I get with him (we have a 2 y/o), he doesn't do it in busy areas.

LunaLights · 09/03/2022 00:20

My ExH stood on the curb at the traffic lights of a main road waiting to cross. He was safe and out of the path of the oncoming traffic. Unfortunately, he stopped with the whole pram with 3 month old DC in it sticking out onto the road….Luckily, a woman also waiting yanked the pram back onto the footpath before it got hit. I saw it all as I walked out of the doctor’s surgery, but was too far away to do anything. He didn’t get any better, he is now an ex and has supervised contact only.

parietal · 09/03/2022 00:21

if this is in a big city where cars move slowly & pedestrians often don't wait for the lights, then you are being OTT

if this is a 4 lane highway where the speed limit is 50mph, then you are not.

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