Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband keeps crossing the road dangerously with our baby

115 replies

snowmansnowman · 08/03/2022 20:54

My husband has twice crossed the road unsafely with our 7 month old baby. The first time was a couple of months ago, when he ran across the road pushing the pram our baby in it while cars were getting ready to go. It was a red man for pedestrians, and red light for the cars which turned green as he ran across the road. His explanation was “I thought we had time and the cars weren’t going yet.” I had a very firm word with him that it’s dangerous and it can’t ever happen again.

The second time happened tonight. He was wearing our baby in a sling, we came to a traffic light, he pressed our wait button then proceeded to cross straight away, the man was still red for pedestrians. The light for cars were green throughout, cars on both lanes thankfully saw my husband and baby on the road and managed to brake and slow down, so they came to no harm.

I am so livid that he would put my baby at risk. He is generally a careless and clumsy person, and I’ve told him time and time again he needs to be more aware of things now that we have a baby.

At the moment I don’t want him to push the pram or wear the baby in the sling ever again. Am I being over the top? AIBU??

OP posts:
Applesandpears23 · 09/03/2022 00:22

Tell him he needs to adjust his behaviour now as he will soon have to teach his child how to cross the road safely. Before kids I sometimes chanced it but with kids watching you press the button and wait every single time.

Justilou1 · 09/03/2022 00:30

I know someone whose much-wanted IVF baby drowned in the bath because her DH answered the phone. (Obv not a mobile one - I’m old.) They had another child, but she never really forgave him. The second baby just brought the suppressed fury and resentment to the surface.

CowsAreNotGreen · 09/03/2022 00:31

@Justilou1 that's heartbreaking

Dottdoo · 09/03/2022 00:40

I think you have to assume that he's incompetent. But berating him, unfortunately, won't work. No matter how you say it, what words you use, what tone you try, whether you cry or speak calmly - all your husband will hear is - FFS my wife is telling me how to cross a road as if I haven't been doing it the last x amount of years. So it goes in one ear and out the other.

You have to vote with your feet so to speak. He's not allowed to push the pram/carry the baby or leave the house with the baby again.

When he questions why - you respond - because you're reckless and I can't trust you so these are the consequences and you walk away. Don't engage. It's not a fight your side, it's just the reality.

Sure that has an impact on you but in time it will have an impact on him too. Whether it will result in meaningful change - who knows.

But this is one where your kids safety is worth more than proving a point. You don't want to be in the position where you get to say 'I told you so' because it means someone got hurt.

BambinaJAS · 09/03/2022 00:48

@Dottdoo

I think you have to assume that he's incompetent. But berating him, unfortunately, won't work. No matter how you say it, what words you use, what tone you try, whether you cry or speak calmly - all your husband will hear is - FFS my wife is telling me how to cross a road as if I haven't been doing it the last x amount of years. So it goes in one ear and out the other.

You have to vote with your feet so to speak. He's not allowed to push the pram/carry the baby or leave the house with the baby again.

When he questions why - you respond - because you're reckless and I can't trust you so these are the consequences and you walk away. Don't engage. It's not a fight your side, it's just the reality.

Sure that has an impact on you but in time it will have an impact on him too. Whether it will result in meaningful change - who knows.

But this is one where your kids safety is worth more than proving a point. You don't want to be in the position where you get to say 'I told you so' because it means someone got hurt.

This is really ridiculous.

How is going into over-dramatic control freak mode going to improve the situation?

Dottdoo · 09/03/2022 00:58

Oh please. Would you keep employing a nanny that did this? Or would you fire her?

No one would be taking my child out if they couldn't cross a road properly. If my DH demonstrated to me that he couldn't cross a bloody road safely then I'm not going to argue the toss about it with a grown man! I'm just going to say - you don't get to take the baby out alone.

End of.

Why the heck should a grown man be given a pass when he can't cross a bloody road with a child safely?

You think sitting down and explaining how to cross a road to a man 20yrs+ is going to result in him saying - oh thank you dear, gosh no one ever explained to me before about how to not run infront of cars. Thank you so much. I've really learnt something this evening.

You can call me overly dramatic, and a control freak, but I think you're stupid and nasty.

BambinaJAS · 09/03/2022 01:02

@Dottdoo

Oh please. Would you keep employing a nanny that did this? Or would you fire her?

No one would be taking my child out if they couldn't cross a road properly. If my DH demonstrated to me that he couldn't cross a bloody road safely then I'm not going to argue the toss about it with a grown man! I'm just going to say - you don't get to take the baby out alone.

End of.

Why the heck should a grown man be given a pass when he can't cross a bloody road with a child safely?

You think sitting down and explaining how to cross a road to a man 20yrs+ is going to result in him saying - oh thank you dear, gosh no one ever explained to me before about how to not run infront of cars. Thank you so much. I've really learnt something this evening.

You can call me overly dramatic, and a control freak, but I think you're stupid and nasty.

Decisions about your children are not unilateral.

You seem unable to comprehend this.

You don't get to say "X" goes. It just doesn't work like that in a healthy family unit. You talk about it first.

Dottdoo · 09/03/2022 01:15

Errrr actually yes I do when it comes to the safety of my kids. I absolutely get unilateral rights if my DH is doing something dangerous. As would he, if I was the idiot!

Also - did you read the post? She's already spoken to him about this. This was the second time he did it - so how many times do you have the conversation? Twice, three times, four times? Ten times? How many times does a grown woman have to explain to an adult man about not running infront of cars with a baby in his arms?

You'd think he'd just know it to start with....it's not rocket science is it. Most 9yrs old know how!

You crack on, you keep sitting down with your DH explaining to him how to cross a road, how to not leave a baby in a bath, basically how not to put your child in danger.

I haven't got the time nor the inclination to deal with such nonsense.

Pffff - Grown man doesn't know how to cross a road safely, and you want to sit down endlessly 'talking about it to create a healthy family unit'. Give over.....absolutely nonsense.

BambinaJAS · 09/03/2022 01:21

@Dottdoo

Errrr actually yes I do when it comes to the safety of my kids. I absolutely get unilateral rights if my DH is doing something dangerous. As would he, if I was the idiot!

Also - did you read the post? She's already spoken to him about this. This was the second time he did it - so how many times do you have the conversation? Twice, three times, four times? Ten times? How many times does a grown woman have to explain to an adult man about not running infront of cars with a baby in his arms?

You'd think he'd just know it to start with....it's not rocket science is it. Most 9yrs old know how!

You crack on, you keep sitting down with your DH explaining to him how to cross a road, how to not leave a baby in a bath, basically how not to put your child in danger.

I haven't got the time nor the inclination to deal with such nonsense.

Pffff - Grown man doesn't know how to cross a road safely, and you want to sit down endlessly 'talking about it to create a healthy family unit'. Give over.....absolutely nonsense.

With that attitude, I am sure your DH is currently setting aside money for a divorce attorney.
Original poster
snowmansnowman · 09/03/2022 01:35

@BambinaJAS if this were you, what would you do moving forward? I don’t want to be authoritarian but I do see @Dottdoo’s point, and definitely don’t want to be in that position again

OP posts:
Dottdoo · 09/03/2022 01:39

@BambinaJAS he's sat at the side of me laughing at your nonsense Wink have a good evening!

Suzi888 · 09/03/2022 02:16

How old is he, how has he survived all this timeConfused.

Chocaholic9 · 09/03/2022 02:39

@BambinaJAS is being totally unreasonable.

There's no way I'd feel comfortable with this man crossing the road with the baby again.

urbanbuddha · 09/03/2022 02:43

He's a tosser.

LimeSegment · 09/03/2022 02:52

Hmm not sure what to think about this one. Of course like everyone I'm big on road safety.

But at the same time the op is written in a very dramatic and exaggerated way, you can make a normal person sound bad if you wrote like this.

I mean I know I have crossed when the red person is on, I've crossed when there was no pedestrian crossing, when it's safe to do so of course. Everyone has. I've gone a few mph over the speed limit at times. Describe that in a dramatic enough way and I'd sound like an insane murderer.

For one how can you cross a road in a way that has cars in both directions squealing to a stop?

urbanbuddha · 09/03/2022 02:55

@LimeSegment

And you do that with a babe in arms?

mathanxiety · 09/03/2022 02:56

Did he take risks before the baby arrived?

Is it possible he has some deep down desire to shrug off fatherhood and live as if he has no responsibility?

alexdgr8 · 09/03/2022 03:02

i think the baby's right to be safely brought to adulthood, which is the primary duty of the parents, trumps all discussions about equal opportunities rights to dash out in traffic as the fancy takes one of them.

1forAll74 · 09/03/2022 03:07

What on earth is wrong with your Husband, taking risks like this with a baby in tow. He must know that roads with traffic on them, can be dangerous. It doesn't matter if there are traffic lights, or even a fairly quiet road. there are always idiot drivers about..

I saw someone carrying a baby across a road not so long ago, and they tripped up a bit in some rough bits of road,with a pot hole in it.

KosherDill · 09/03/2022 03:16

@mathanxiety

Did he take risks before the baby arrived?

Is it possible he has some deep down desire to shrug off fatherhood and live as if he has no responsibility?

Was wondering the same.

Personally I'd not choose a careless, clumsy and irresponsible person as the father of my child.

LimeSegment · 09/03/2022 03:39

And you do that with a babe in arms?

Well yes, if it were 100% safe to do so. Not every road even has a pedestrian crossing or lights - you have to make your own call. Part of using footpaths and roads is using common sense. Look, if the story is exactly as OP has described then the DH was wrong and I'm not defending him. I'm just saying a story about someone not crossing at the lights can be made to sound a lot worse than it is.

BacardiOnATuesday · 09/03/2022 04:03

Difficult one. I agree with previous poster that saying ‘You’re never taking the baby out again’ is probably unsustainable in a partnership. It’s possible but only if you restrict your life and it will, over time, put your relationship under pressure.

Other people’s risk taking is different to your own and there is nothing like child care to shine a light on that. It’s an impossible choice and either way will lead to you becoming resentful of him over time either because you won’t leave him alone with your child or because you do knowing he might take a risk.

It will put a massive strain on your relationship either way.

mathanxiety · 09/03/2022 04:13

@KosherDill, there's a saying that goes, 'If you really want to know a person, live with him', but I would go one further, 'If you really want to know a person, have a baby with him'.

Bogeyes · 09/03/2022 04:25

Your husband is assuming that motorists are looking where they are going. Accidents happen when drivers are distracted...looking for something in the car...tuning a radio....texting....the list goes on. You must stop this crazy behaviour.

Cakecakecheese · 09/03/2022 07:17

It's not being overdramatic or controlling to want your husband to cross the road with your baby like a sensible person!

Swipe left for the next trending thread