Let me know the good things about being single please

[Robinred81]

I’ve recently come out of a marriage and am trying to get my head around being single. Please tell me what you enjoy about it.
So far the only thing I can come up with is not having to share a bed

I don't have to compromise on anything, I just decide what I want to do and do it. No discussion or argument.

I do have to share a bed though, with the dog.

Knowing that when you leave the house it'll still be nice, tidy and clean when you get home.
If you buy a *6 pack of crisps you don't have to hide a couple so if you fancy a packet in a couple of days they'll still be some left.
*Insert chocolate, biscuits, wine, yogurt as appropriate.

Not having that constant knot of anxiety in my stomach. I'm happy to go on dates but I don't think I'll ever have a partner and definitely won't live with anyone ever again.

Thanks @crochetmonkey74 my bloody grammar is awful tonight though!

Yes @hollybolly I love not feeling that anxiety anymore!

I treated myself nicely as well. I went to bed by 10.30 ish most nights, had loads of hot baths, brought a load of naice ready meals and ate them out of the wooded box the Charlie Bingham ones came in so my dishwasher didn't need to go on so much! Be nice to yourself OP.

Mine is leaving the house whenever I want and not having to tell someone where I'm going and why. I can go where I want, when and I don't need to invite someone along. I can take my book to a coffee shop or pub and spend as long as I want there.

I live alone (although do have a DP of 4 years) and love it. I will never live with another man again.

The house is quiet, I can do what I like. I'm the king of my own castle and can run it as I wish.

Not having to talk of a night! Enjoy the silence
Deciding things on a whim
Not having to check in and can decide to change plans or stay out last minute

Literally just consider you! And what you want x

Everything.

I watched a shit tiktok earlier with an American marriage counsellor saying that women can't have it all and to be a happy wife they couldn't then work. That we need to give up work to be in our divine femine energy blabla. Then I read this thread and see happy single women. Marriage and relationships are not the be all and end all. Being a wife shouldn't define who we are and whether we are happy or not. I need to keep reminding myself of this.

Bliss! I can do what I want whenever I want. No more ironing his shirts. No more marital rape. I can rescue furniture and paint it (always called my scavenging). My choice of colours, food and fun. Listen to talking book when I drift off to sleep.

I would, however, have a "cupboard husband" for help with dustbins when the weather is foul and tasks like that.

What a great read! I'm 1.5 years in and agree with pretty much everything.

The PP hit the nail on the head when they said it might feel overwhelming at first, but that will settle. Keep this thread as a reminder!

I'm not looking for a relationship, I have a couple of acquaintances for sex, I miss emotional stuff sometimes but being with friends can be so incredibly nurturing and fulfilling that the feeling doesn't last long.

Be kind on yourself - not all of this will come immediately. For instance I enjoy cooking but still don't cook for myself when I don't have the kids. It'll come back I'm sure, but for now I've spotted berating myself about it.

Less laundry, doing exactly what you like/when you like. Making all your own decisions.
Having a better social life because you have more time and inclination.
Oh and you can get yourself on dating apps and have a lot of fun! (If/when you want to.)

I'm only six weeks in. Love this thread,definitely cheered me up tonight

No compromise, ever. This is by far my favourite part.

All the time you want for what you want to do - whether that's friends, family, alone time, kids, pets, hobbies, work, business, learning :)

Decorating your home how you want it, my favourite bedding sets have wizard cats on one and mermaids on the other, and my sofa is patchwork velvet, and quite a few of my friends have said they wish they could have totally their taste choices at home but have to balance what their partner likes.

Bit specific to me, but having all my collections out on display, and driving cars I love which are often totally impractical.

Going to bed and getting up whenever you want, because the bathroom is always free and you have no commitments to share space (slightly different with kids I guess but still a bonus. And probably work dependent, but even when I had a normal job I can't tell you how much I resented having to get up earlier to fit two of us getting ready using one bathroom of a morning). I'm now self employed and a total night owl with a usual bedtime of around 3-4am - this is not compatible with relationships 😂

Toast for dinner if you fancy it. Anything you want for dinner if you fancy it - and you only have to decide for you, and no one steals your bloody chips 😂

No obligation to have either a TV or a TV licence - I have many, many books instead!

And I'm the favourite human of both my cats

For context I'm 36 and have chosen to be single for the last 8 years - I have no intention of giving it up any time soon, I love it too much and am happier than in either of my previous (perfectly nice, amicable splits) long term relationships.

It'll take a bit of getting used to but it's the best kept secret in the world, I reckon!

"The best kept secret in the world", love it!

@Appalonia it's true! No one tells you it's a legit option for happiness rather than an in between state so often people don't get to try it long enough to realise :)

You know when you change the bed? Nobody else gets in before you. All the lovely straight sheets and pristine covers are yours.
That was my Sunday night ritual. Change the bed, bath and clean pyjamas. Lovely.

I know! It's funny how that trope of being a mad cat lady is bandied around so much as the worst fate that can ever befall a woman, but my god, living on your own with lovely cats is far preferable to being trapped with some hideous, selfish man!

Love this thread! Want to add -

• fridge can look as I want it to. If I want M&S deli goods, so be it. No more disgusting meat things or crap sugary yoghurts

• no more feeling like everything is a potential argument or none of contention

• playing music through whatever means I like, even on my tinny phone, without having to connect to this or that speaker

• the lovely freedom. Books where I like. Baths when I like. Sleep & wake when it suits me with tidy living & none of that grossness snoring away

*Bone of contention

No one wakes me up by tossing and turning, snoring, getting up earlier than me, snoozing the bloody alarm, with restless legs or coughing.

The house looks as i want it to look.

I put things where I want them to be, and find them in the same place.

I eat what i want.

I go where I want.

I see whom I want, for as long as I want, and if I feel like to, I stay at theirs or they stay at mine,

I choose the best sex.

I make all the decisions.

I go on holidays where I want, do what i want, change my mind if I want.

Oh God, the advantages are endless!

@Appalonia

I know! It's funny how that trope of being a mad cat lady is bandied around so much as the worst fate that can ever befall a woman, but my god, living on your own with lovely cats is far preferable to being trapped with some hideous, selfish man!

Might actually print this for my noticeboard Always feel slightly guilty as both my exes were actually quite lovely, but arghh, I never want to live with anyone again!

Oh yes, the endless snooze alarms… 😠 Beautiful sleeps now!

I thought of another one: not having to explain any of my decisions to anyone.

Previously:
Why did you buy these yoghurts?
Why are you making omelettes?
When did you buy that?
Why did you put/not put my trousers in the wash?

No need to explain anything!

The mental bandwidth to focus on creative or beneficial things beyond the domestic.

Frankly I (who love men) wouldn't live with one again if you paid me.

Basically - being able to do whatever and whenever you want!

It's great!

Eat, cook, watch, listen to, talk to...

Nobody else's crap to deal with - figuratively and literally!

And single needn't mean celibate either but when you're done you can chuck em out!

complete financial control

Oooh yes I love this. Ex wasn't a crazy spender or anything but we had very different spending and saving styles

Been single almost 20 years and I'm basically evangelical about it now! My dd knows (cos I've drummed it into her!) that being single is a perfectly acceptable and valid choice, you don't HAVE to be in a relationship to be "normal" and healthy

All the above plus not having to hear the Match of the Day theme tune ever again 🤣

Omg yes!

In my case NEVER having to watch sodding rugby or even listen to a match in the background ever again!

Ditto bloody question of sport!

Appalonia geez were you married to my ex?!

It does take a period of adjustment simply as you're not used to it - give it time you'll come to love it and be VERY reluctant to give it up!

I turn 50 this year very unlikely I'll live with someone again!

Guccibear so glad you're safe now

Cupboard husband WOULD be handy though!

but it's the best kept secret in the world

I want it not to be a secret -

So happy singletons can be out and proud

So women are no longer trapped in miserable relationships because they falsely think they HAVE to be in a relationship

This is patriarchal crap I'm sure

I don't hate men I have some lovely men in my life some of whom have been friends a very long time but living with them is not appealing to me.

I'm bi and don't wanna live with another woman either which can be problematic on that scene.

Op take your time and get used to it. It feels weird at first but honestly give it a real chance