Would you change job to assist with secondary school run

[user1461609321]

Morning

Have 2 kids, DC1 going to secondary in September and DC2 will be year 5

Currently living in same borough as the primary school, but secondary will be a short train ride away and I currently work in a borough 1hr away from home

I guess I am anxious about eldest travelling in London alone, and have this notion that myself and DH can take a child each to school in the morning, then he collects both after school as he owns his own business

Current role is ok and my manager has said I can start at 10am for a period to enable eldest to settle in, however I could work more locally so I could assist more with school runs, emergency collection of youngest etc

Use to work in previous job, but left current role is ok, both in very similar settings

Is it mad to change jobs for a child who could travel independently and possibly not even want me taking him to school, he is not street smart, never traveled independently etc

My approach would be you have 6 months to teach him how to travel on public transport and enable him to be confident with getting himself to and from places then with work allowing you to start later you do that for the first few weeks and he will be fine.

Unless he has SEN he will be settled into the routine before you know it. Changing a job that you like for a brief period of time when they have said they’ll be flexible seems a little extreme.

Why aren’t they used to publish transport?

Yep, definitely mad. A secondary school child does not need taking to school in London when there is a perfectly good public transport option. You should focus on getting him used to doing the journey instead.

@Wnkingawalrus

Yep, definitely mad. A secondary school child does not need taking to school in London when there is a perfectly good public transport option. You should focus on getting him used to doing the journey instead.

We currently drive them everywhere and I guess I am just so paranoid about knife crime, on bus bullying etc which makes me feel it would be better to just take him

I would work on encouraging the independence to travel alone.

Does he not have friends from his school who will be doing the same trip?

Don't do it! He very quickly isn't going to want you to take him to school. It's so uncool. Use the time to get him used to the commute and then step back.

No one from current primary will be going to the same secondary

@Wnkingawalrus

Yep, definitely mad. A secondary school child does not need taking to school in London when there is a perfectly good public transport option. You should focus on getting him used to doing the journey instead.

Slightly disagree, some year 7 children would be ready some would be young and less ready. Yes London has better public transport, also has a shit load of crime. Only OP knows her child to know if ready and competent

Hell no. Kids arent born independent but that's where they need to get to. Teach him how to travel independently.

Also, he wont be 11 for long. They grow up really quickly at secondary - if you let them.

No one drives their secondary aged children to school in London, even year 7s. You need to give him some basic independence. Do the journey with him once or twice in preparation, he will be fine.

Every big city has "a shit load of crime" @OnlyFoolsnMothers. They are still largely safe for secondary school children to travel in. OP are there specific concerns you have about the journey or is this just generalised anxiety?

I say this gently, but your eldest won’t want to be seen dead with you on a train going to school. You have 6 months. Go with him a few times and then let him make the journey himself a few times. He will likely very quickly make some friends on the same journey once he starts.

You could always try the train trip with him a couple of times to get a feel for it and gauge his level of confidence?

No don't leave what sounds a nice job, you need to encourage and work on your child's independence and TBH at some point in his teens he's bound to act like you're the greatest embarrassment to him anyway and want to go on his own.

The boy needs his independence. It's London, lots of children do it. If it's worrying you so much why is he the only one from his school going, perhaps you should have let him go somewhere he'd have at least known somebody else starting.

If people stopped driving their kids to school it would be safer for more kids to cycle, but either way, you need to stop driving him everywhere and let him get used to public transport

We currently drive them everywhere and I guess I am just so paranoid about knife crime, on bus bullying etc which makes me feel it would be better to just take him
Why live in London if this is how you feel. There will always come the time they will become independent and they won't be less at risk of the above at 15 than they are at 12, if anything the risk will increase.

Drive him for the first few days, let him meet some people and get settled in, then introduce the local transport. It doesn't have to be all at once. Use the flexibility that your boss has offered, maybe take a day off to help him acclimate to the first journeys. He'll soon make friends.

When I lived in London, the school kids on the bus were the bane of my morning. 😅

I'm with the people who say you've got 6 months to practice the route.
There will likely be others on the train going to the same school, and the older kids may well look out for the younger ones in the first weeks.
Definitely have him travel by train from the start. Everyone will be new then - much better than driving and then switching.
You can always pretend you do a similar journey to be with him at the station the first couple of days , or just be there in the background ignoring him.

No, you'd be mad to change jobs. You should be encouraging independence.

Peeache - well better than them being in cars

@Momicrone I totally agree! And better than me being in a car too. Just expressing that they all seem to be having a great time on the buses in the morning! 😅

Going back a bit here, but I took the bus with my eldest son the first couple of days and was prepared to do so for as long as it took. However, after day 2 he begged me not to. It was more important for him to appear cool and to fit in with his new friends. And that's as it should be. He was absolutely fine.

I went to secondary in central London and took two trains or a train and a tube for about an hour to get there. No friends from primary to travel with. My dad went with me for the first week or so, then I just went by myself. If you can practise the journey with him ahead of September then use your flexibility to take him a few times, I'm sure you'll find before long that he's absolutely fine to go on his own.

I say this gently and as the parent of a child with SEN who is still not ready to travel independently at 16 - I know this feels like an enormous hurdle to get over, but you can do it. Every single parent feels this way when their child goes to secondary school - it's your job to teach him how to do it safely.

You have 6 months to practise the route in quiet times. Rush hour is probably the safest time to travel and there are always LOADS of young ones on the tubes and buses at kicking out time.

If you change your job, you'll end up taking him for much longer than he needs to be taken, because you've given up your job to take him - it will be a vicious circle.

He won't want you taking him to school halfway into y7, if not before! You'd be daft to change jobs for that.

Also a massive part of secondary is learning independence in all areas - getting yourself to places on time is such an important skill that all DCs need to learn and they do that by parents gradually reducing the amount of intervention needed in the morning.