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Original poster

Would you change job to assist with secondary school run

149 replies

user1461609321 · 08/03/2022 07:58

Morning

Have 2 kids, DC1 going to secondary in September and DC2 will be year 5

Currently living in same borough as the primary school, but secondary will be a short train ride away and I currently work in a borough 1hr away from home

I guess I am anxious about eldest travelling in London alone, and have this notion that myself and DH can take a child each to school in the morning, then he collects both after school as he owns his own business

Current role is ok and my manager has said I can start at 10am for a period to enable eldest to settle in, however I could work more locally so I could assist more with school runs, emergency collection of youngest etc

Use to work in previous job, but left current role is ok, both in very similar settings

Is it mad to change jobs for a child who could travel independently and possibly not even want me taking him to school, he is not street smart, never traveled independently etc

OP posts:
HomeHomeInTheRange · 08/03/2022 18:31

I'm a nearly 30 year old, I wouldn't want to go to London on my own, it's not very safe so I don't think a teenager should be travelling by themselves either

Oh FFS.

I have lived and worked in London for 40 years. I work evenings and come home late. Loved in Brixton before it went hipster. Live in areas that many MNers turn their noses up at.

Never been mugged, neither have m kids.

I do know kids who had their phones taken off them, but a tiny minority.

How do you think millions and millions of us ordinary people live here?

I have seen far more people offer help and kindness to people in the streets and have very rarely seen anything like trouble.

MushMonster · 08/03/2022 18:35

This was me before mine started secondary.
They learn really fast.
I totally understand you. Take him around for a while, show him what to do, and evaluate from there.

WaterTheBasil · 08/03/2022 18:36

@Sapphireskies

I'm a nearly 30 year old, I wouldn't want to go to London on my own, it's not very safe so I don't think a teenager should be travelling by themselves either.

How absolutely ridiculous. And sad. London is a vibrant and exciting city with opportunities to see and hear so many different things. I take my dc every summer holidays and have done since they were small.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 08/03/2022 18:38

OP, it’s negligent because you are not equipping your kids to live in their world. You are not letting them learn the skills and confidence that build independence and resilience.

We have excellent public transport, free for young people: it is negligent to drive them around adding to pollution and climate change.

clary · 08/03/2022 18:43

Echoing others who say you should use the next six months to practise the route with him and talk through scenarios.

TBH you are doing him a disservice if you never or rarely take the tube and bus in London. All the London-based kids I know are very used to the public transport system (which is excellent) way before they leave primary. Thousands and thousands of children make journeys on the rube and bus every day to school.

I am amazed that someone drives everywhere in London. Why would you do this? I no longer live in London but when I did I very rarely drove and could easily have not had the car.

Do you never take them into London to the sights, or the museums, or the parks? what is the point of living in London? Especially if you are too scared to give them any independence.

doodleygirl · 08/03/2022 18:44

If you want your DC to live in a world full of anxiety and scared of normal ways of living, then yes, give up work and drive them everywhere.

Alternatively you can use this time to foster, independence, confidence and resilience which means by the time he goes to secondary you can wave him off happily and go to work.

ChoiceMummy · 08/03/2022 18:59

@user1461609321

Morning

Have 2 kids, DC1 going to secondary in September and DC2 will be year 5

Currently living in same borough as the primary school, but secondary will be a short train ride away and I currently work in a borough 1hr away from home

I guess I am anxious about eldest travelling in London alone, and have this notion that myself and DH can take a child each to school in the morning, then he collects both after school as he owns his own business

Current role is ok and my manager has said I can start at 10am for a period to enable eldest to settle in, however I could work more locally so I could assist more with school runs, emergency collection of youngest etc

Use to work in previous job, but left current role is ok, both in very similar settings

Is it mad to change jobs for a child who could travel independently and possibly not even want me taking him to school, he is not street smart, never traveled independently etc

Different perspective here...

I get your concerns totally,as a result, I moved out of London long before I ttc.

Given your concerns that are not going to go away nor are they going to get any better as he ages.

So, my advice would be, quite simply, to move to somewhere that you feel is safer for the family.

Mojoj · 08/03/2022 19:03

Don't. How embarrassing will it be for your secondary school child to be taken to school by his mother!!

PiddleOfPuppies · 08/03/2022 19:04

When they start secondary school, they have 5 years until they are adults. If you change jobs to drive them in yr7, I guarantee that you'll be wishing you hadn't bothered by half way through yr8. As other posters have said, let them use public transport and carry on as usual! It's a perfect opportunity to take that natural step to independence, otherwise when will you allow it?

NoSquirrels · 08/03/2022 19:06

Is it mad to change jobs for a child who could travel independently and possibly not even want me taking him to school

Yes.

MrsWombat · 08/03/2022 19:07

My son goes to a London grammar school with a very large catchment area. 1-2 hours travel for some children who live on the other side of the river. It's absolutely normal. He will be fine. There will be other children on the train making a similar journey and he will make friends. Definitely practice the route with your child, and also use public transport more with your family over the weekends and school holidays to get him used to it.

If you want to work more locally to home that's a good enough reason to move jobs. It's always been nice to have the option to drive the 15 mins to take my DS to school when he's got an enormous project to take in or pick him up when he's got a late sports match. But definitely not an every day thing.

Hercisback · 08/03/2022 19:13

I'm cringing for your child.

You have a skewed perception of crime rates and what that means for your/ds safety.

He's more likely to be in a car crash than a victim of crime on public transport in school hours.

Original poster
user1461609321 · 08/03/2022 20:09

@Hercisback

I'm cringing for your child.

You have a skewed perception of crime rates and what that means for your/ds safety.

He's more likely to be in a car crash than a victim of crime on public transport in school hours.

You may be right about me having a skewed view of crime as I currently work with adolescents who come to the attention to social services a lot, so we see many county lines cases, criminal exploitation and even stabbings and other attacks, so I think this makes me hyper vigilant and somewhat anxious
OP posts:
harrumphs · 08/03/2022 20:27

But OP, you need to let him become more independent at some point. At what age will you feel comfortable letting him travel to and from school alone?

Hercisback · 08/03/2022 21:35

Surely you realise that isn't the 'normal' teenage experience?

I see that stuff in schools but 95% of the students have nothing to do with any of it.

He needs independence now. Driving across London to school is bonkers.

Essexgirlupnorth · 08/03/2022 22:07

One of my colleagues changed her hours when her eldest started secondary school so she could pick him up because she didn't trust him to get home by himself. He does have SEN but his school is a walkable/cycleble distance from home. He now is year 9 and cycles with a friend so she picks up her youngest so she doesn't have to pay for ter school care.

I wouldn't change my job/hours for a child going to secondary unless they had SEN and we unable to get them self to school safely. My daughter will likely have to get the bus when the time comes but we will practice before and she will have a mobile to contact us if necessary.

ChoiceMummy · 08/03/2022 22:08

I'm not sure how anyone can suggest that the op is overreacting when you read this: www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/11/06/health/youth-knife-crime-stabbings-study-london-intl/index.html

ChoiceMummy · 08/03/2022 22:09

They found that children under 16 were significantly more likely to be stabbed between 4 and 6 p.m. on a school day than young adults (between 20 and 24), with 22% of all child stabbings occurring between those times, compared with 11% in young adults.

Almost half of those stabbings occurred within 5 kilometers of the victim's home, they found. The majority of remaining stabbings occurred later in the evening, in line with other figures for young adults.

Tee20x · 08/03/2022 22:10

Secondary school run ?!!! Didn't know such a thing existed.

clary · 08/03/2022 22:16

@ChoiceMummy

They found that children under 16 were significantly more likely to be stabbed between 4 and 6 p.m. on a school day than young adults (between 20 and 24), with 22% of all child stabbings occurring between those times, compared with 11% in young adults.

Almost half of those stabbings occurred within 5 kilometers of the victim's home, they found. The majority of remaining stabbings occurred later in the evening, in line with other figures for young adults.

Yes but those stats don't mean very much - 22% of how many stabbings? What percentage of schoolchildren are typically attacked?

My betting is that it is not many. And a teenager needs freedom to go out and do their own thing at some stage, and not be chauffeured everywhere by mummy. If you feared a knife attack to such a degree for your DC you would never let them go anywhere.

TatianaBis · 08/03/2022 22:30

[quote Hercisback]30 fatal stabbings in London in 2021.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/dec/31/two-more-stabbings-bring-london-to-its-worst-ever-teenage-homicide-death-toll[/quote]
In a population of 9 million, and area of 600 square miles.

Hercisback · 08/03/2022 22:32

@TatianaBis
I agree it's a low number of fatal stabbings compared to the total population.

I think driving is riskier.

TatianaBis · 08/03/2022 22:32

Another London mother here - completely bonkers OP.

He won’t be alone anyway, he’s bound to find someone in his year going his route at least part of the way.

GoldFigure · 08/03/2022 22:51

I drive my child in some days, but he's autistic.

Don't change your hours to start later. If you're going to change them for his benefit, finish earlier so you're around for him more after school.

It'll be ok. He will grow up more than you can ever imagine in the next 12 months.